Better Aged Care Professionals Ask Better Questions. Lindsay Jr. Tighe

progresses. For example, if Jill presents as being absolutely stuck and in dire need of help, my advice is to still be a questioner initially, because she may still be more knowledgeable than she realises. If, however, after a couple of questions it becomes clear to Martin that Jill really is stuck and is looking more to him in his role of the ‘expert’, then it is clear that Martin needs to switch to the other end of our imaginary line and become a ‘teller’.

      The ego

      Let’s explore one other aspect of our preference to be more of a ‘teller’, and that is an aspect of human nature that most of us don’t like to talk about – the role of the ego. It will be helpful to demonstrate the role that our ego plays in typical, everyday situations. So let’s go back to the same scenario, where Jill shares a problem with Martin.

      Remember that most of us are programmed to respond by telling or advising another person what to do when presented with a problem, so automatically we provide an answer, or at the very least a suggestion to help them. Now what I’d like you to think about is the impact that ‘telling’ has on Martin after he has helped Jill. Whilst most of what I am about to describe isn’t done at a conscious level, there is a good chance his ego will get a boost from his actions. As human beings we all have a need to feel significant and good about who we are and what we do, and in this instance Martin will be feeling a sense of self-satisfaction due to the fact that he has:

      •helped Jill out

      •demonstrated his knowledge and wisdom

      •proven that he is a good case manager.

      Whilst I accept that there may be a little cynicism in these points, they aren’t too far from the truth if we are prepared to be honest. So, if this is the case then we need to recognise that if we change to being an ‘asker’ rather than a ‘teller’, this sense of self-satisfaction won’t occur in the same way because we are no longer providing an answer. Given that we are strongly motivated by doing things that make us feel good about ourselves, the possibility of changing a habit that enables us to give ourselves a pat on the back is not going to be easy to do. That said, I trust that sharing this awareness with you enables you to be prepared for letting go of this ‘ego fix’. The good news is that I guarantee that your ego will indeed still feel very satisfied from the new practice of asking Better Questions. Accordingly, at this stage please trust me that at the end of the day your ego will still be its normal, happy self, and maybe even more content than usual if you adopt an ‘asking’ approach.

      Thus, understanding how you’d like to go about performing your role and the values that you will uphold is the starting point to being a better aged care professional who asks Better Questions. Once you have that clear in your mind, you must have the strength of your convictions to go into the world and be that person, which will include managing the expectations of self and your clients. This will undoubtedly bring challenges along the way, but I believe that a better professional will have the resilience and resolve to work their way through these challenges. After all, wanting to tap into their clients’ potential and truly valuing empowerment are fabulous attributes of a true Potentialiser, attributes that society, and particularly aged care, is crying out for.

CHAPTER SUMMARY Typically we ‘tell’ because it’s a habit and our clients may well expect us to. Being clear about our values and beliefs about how we want to fulfil our role will enable us to manage expectations more easily. Our egos like the ‘telling’ approach because it gives us a sense of self-satisfaction, particularly if the ‘teller’ thinks they are being helpful. Letting go of the ‘telling’ approach may appear to be difficult at first because of your ego, but it will still be satisfied if you do more ‘asking’.