Whilst most traditional roles within aged care have been more in the ‘telling’ space, more recent research and philosophies have become available that are presenting the idea that this may not be the best approach, and certainly not if it is carried out on a constant basis. I am sure you will have heard of phrases like ‘person-centred approach’ or the ‘active service model’ which both point us in the direction of doing less ‘telling’ and advising and more ‘asking’. Fortunately, the very fact that this is being promoted and shared in the aged care sector is causing us to question our ‘ape-like’ behaviour, and so, certainly from my perspective, this is a great thing to be happening.
Whilst initially anything that makes us stop and think about having to do something different can feel like hard work, in the longer term it does give us an opportunity to become even better than we were before we started on the journey of change. So even though there may be some internal resistance to taking on board the new ideas presented to you, please recognise that you have an opportunity to ‘rattle the apes’ cage’ and even ‘go for the banana’ that your current unconscious practices may well not be enabling.
As you step back from your role and reflect, two good questions to consider are: “What are the expectations of my role as an aged care professional?” and “How do I want to go about meeting these expectations?” As we have said, very often some of this is outlined to you by workplace cultural norms, but societal expectations play a part here too. I have often been advised by, for example, community nurses who work with the elderly that clients will say to them, “You’re the nurse, so you tell me what to do.” There are very often subconscious messages that you receive that will provide guidance to you without your even realising it, and it is interesting to note the impact they have on you and your thinking, which in turn will affect the way in which you fulfil your role.
Self-reflection
A good way to become aware of your practices is to do some honest self-reflection about the way that you are approaching your role. Whilst we often espouse certain values or behaviours, the reality is that no one knows that we consider those values or behaviours to be particularly important, because they are not apparent from what we do on a day-to-day basis.
I have known people who say that they value being honest, but if you ask people who know them whether they view that person as being honest, they will probably laugh at you and tell you that they are manipulative and not very truthful! So, we should honestly reflect on recognising that we have ideals about how we’d like to be, but our actual practice may not meet those ideals, and the reality and experience of others is frequently different to ours.
One powerful way that you can carry out this honest self-reflection is to ask yourself what others might say about you if they were asked to give a short description of your approach to your role. If you have high self-awareness, there is a good chance that you will be fairly accurate with this. However, if you genuinely have no idea how you are perceived and are courageous enough to ask, then why not ask your colleagues or some other people who know you well informally how they would describe you? Feedback can certainly be an enlightening experience!
In addition, another great question you can ask yourself in this reflective space is “How would I like others to describe me when talking about my role?” This is a very powerful question to ask, in that it invites you to think about your vision for your ideal approach rather than the reality of your current approach, which may currently be quite different. By being clear about your desired vision, you have a starting point towards achieving this in reality.
The good news is that when we do become aware of how we would like to operate, it is possible to work on this so that it becomes a reality. Some time ago, I was suddenly struck by the realisation that if I went to people who knew me well, they were unlikely to describe me as being a ‘kind person’. Although I was aware that there were lots of positive traits that I displayed, kindness wasn’t one that was high up on the list. Whilst I admit that being aware of this did not make me feel good, I always remind myself that whenever I do find something that I don’t like about myself, I should celebrate it because once I am aware of it I can choose to change. If I continued in ignorance doing what I have always done for the rest of my life, the potential for change would not present itself. So, honest self-reflection, whilst initially uncomfortable, can be an amazing tool to enable us to learn and grow, and to enable us to be the best that we can be.
When I became aware of my desire to be described as ‘kind’, I recognised that something had to change in the way I was going about doing things – in other words, a change was needed in my behaviour. It was no good simply being aware of the need to change – it meant I had to take action. My approach to this was to start a reflection journal that I completed each evening, where I would ask myself honestly how I had demonstrated kindness during that day. I have to say that when I started to do this, I was quite disappointed in myself because I couldn’t think of things to write down. Quite magically though, when we start to focus on something, we suddenly start to identify opportunities to do it in a different way. So as I journeyed through my day, I started to identify opportunities to be a kinder person – often in the simplest ways. Within a matter of days, I was feeling great that I could write things in my journal that really did demonstrate that I was being a kind person after all.
I continued to update this journal for about three months. What I found really amazing was that I automatically started to do kinder things during the day without having to think about it – it became a new habit, and what a nice new habit to have! What is even more lovely is that when people talk about me nowadays, they will often refer to me as being a ‘kind person’, so that reaffirms for me that I am being more of the person that I want to be in the world.
I hope that this simple example provides you with awareness about the importance of self-reflection, and also about starting to identify what is important to you within your role. The key action that will make you stand out from other professionals is that you will take the important step of choosing how you wish to fulfil your role, and what values and behaviours you will uphold in doing this. The important thing is that you make this choice, rather than simply ‘going with the flow’ in an unconscious state, and end up operating in a way that wasn’t what you wanted to do.
Case example
A gentleman attended our workshop where we shared the skills that you are about to learn in this book. He had been a community nurse working with elderly clients for the past 25 years, and it was clear from the interactions in the group that he was extremely well liked and respected by his colleagues. He engaged fully in the workshop and was very open to hearing the key messages, particularly the ones around rethinking what your role is and that there are many ways to be ‘helpful’ (which you will read about shortly).
During the workshop, he realised that he was adopting the role of a nurse who ‘always knew best’ and that he consistently fixed things for his clients in the belief that this was what his role was and that he was being helpful and caring. He had genuinely believed that he was fulfilling the role in the right way and that this was the way to be a good community nurse. Whilst in some instances it was true that he did know best and it was his role to fix things, he realised that if he really believed in enabling and empowering his clients and drawing out their amazingnesss, then his approach had to change. Indeed, he recognised that it was his fundamental belief about his role that needed to change, which would then give him permission to change the way he carried out his role in practice. He was going to have to start to reassess himself and the way he was interacting with his clients – his traditional nursing style would have to change.
During the follow-up workshop that he attended with me, he explained to the group how, after the first workshop, he had returned to work with the knowledge that he needed to change and to put what he had learnt into practice. He began using the techniques shared in this book and became a questioner and listener rather than a ‘fixer’ or ‘teller’. He was amazed how positively most of his clients responded, and was really shocked to find that he was suddenly