For me, this report was very moving because it demonstrated that not only had this wonderful nurse been prepared to be open-minded about himself and recognise some limitations in his approach; he had also put into action what he had learnt to amazing effect. He had demonstrated beautifully that by being open-minded and having a willingness to change and do things differently, using questions can transform the way you fulfil your role and enable you to be even more effective than you are currently.
This is a great example of consciously choosing how you wish to fulfil your role, and the good news is that you can choose at any time to change.
To conclude this chapter, I’d like to suggest that professionals who have a desire to ask Better Questions will highly value:
•empowerment
•caring
•flexibility
•open-mindedness
•fulfilling potential.
There will be more on the skills and qualities required to be a great questioner in a later chapter, but I hope this is a starting point for you to candidly consider your own approach and style, and the way you fulfil your professional role.
CHAPTER SUMMARY
 |
Chapter 3
What else drives ‘telling’?
The previous chapter provided some valuable insight into helping you to think about your role in aged care and your approach to it. I am sure that most of you will relate to that sense of conformity and ‘fitting in’ to the norms, and also of unconsciously conforming to the way things are or have been done in your workplace and culture, rather than by a way of your choosing.
I’d now like to take some time to highlight what other factors are at play in our role definition that need to be given further consideration to help us deal with the challenge of being less of a ‘teller’ and more of an ‘asker’. I always find that when we consider the prospect of asking more questions of someone instead of telling them what to do, there is some internal resistance that comes from the person who is doing the asking. In this chapter, I will attempt to deal with some of the potential issues that arise for the person who assumes the role of an ‘asker’.
I am going to work through a practical example that you will be able to relate to and that will help to demonstrate the points I’d like to make. Let’s imagine that a case manager working in aged care – let’s call him Martin – has a 65-year-old client Jill, and that historically, mainly due to a lack of awareness, he has been more of a ‘teller’ than an ‘asker’ and so has created an habitual way of responding to her.
The example we will use is where Jill is talking to Martin about a problem she is having with a family member and Martin simply responds by advising her what she needs to do. Indeed, Martin identifies with the ‘telling’ space because he considers himself to be helpful and has always believed that dealing with situations in this way was best, as he knows that his clients appreciate his advice. However, fortunately Martin recently attended a workshop where he learnt the skill of asking Better Questions. Whilst at the workshop, he realises that he has been too much of a ‘teller’ in the past and decides that when he returns to work he will start to ask some of those Better Questions.
Martin returns to work, and a week later he has an appointment to visit Jill again. When he goes out for the visit, Jill shares an update with him and advises that she is still having a problem with the family member she discussed with him last time. Jill will undoubtedly have an expectation that Martin will provide another solution for her – after all, this is what has always happened in the past.
Now, Martin is feeling a little apprehensive about changing his approach and asking some Better Questions of Jill, believing that she may not be comfortable if he adopts this approach. He is concerned that she will think he is in a bad mood or that he is being unhelpful; after all, case managers are meant to be there for their clients!
You can see from this example that once you have overcome the hurdle of dealing with your own perceptions of how you should fulfil your role, you will need to start thinking about how you can deal with the way your clients perceive you, particularly if they are used to your telling them what to do. If you have formed a certain way of interacting with your clients and you suddenly change, there is a good chance it may not be well received. Once you have established a way of doing things, it will potentially be more challenging to change because of existing perceptions. However, change is certainly possible and it may be easier than you think.
Changing your style
I will now share with you some ideas that will help you deal with the challenges highlighted here, in the hope that something will inspire you to find a solution that is going to work for you. There are many potential solutions to deal with challenges, and whilst I never pretend to have all the answers, the following ideas definitely will help.
In the example above, where Martin is changing from being a ‘teller’ to an ‘asker’, my simple advice is to let Jill know what he is doing and why he is doing it! I think it’s important to remember that there are ways to convey a message, and so it is important that your clients understand that this is genuinely about you wanting to change your style and is not about them having done anything wrong. Whilst I personally don’t like scripts, what follows are some possible words that you might use that will help you to sincerely convey your reasons for your change in approach:
I will always do my best to help you in whatever way I can, and this means that sometimes I may not simply tell you what to do and instead I will ask you a few questions. I know that you have some great ideas and that every time I solve a problem for you by telling you what to do, I am not valuing your wisdom and knowledge or allowing you to express your thoughts. So, in future, what I’d like to do is ask you some more questions that enable you to bring your ideas to the table because I know you have got lots to contribute!
As I said, it is important that you bring your own preferred language and style when conveying the message, and as long as it is positive and confidence-building I have found that most clients will get where you are coming from, and many will appreciate your change in approach. I do recognise that this may not be the case for all clients and some may positively resist your asking them questions, so we will explore this further in a later chapter about dealing with challenges and issues with asking Better Questions. Being open, then, about your reason for asking questions is, I believe, the best way to proceed, and I suggest that it is very powerful to outline how you wish to fulfil your role so that you proactively manage clients’ expectations of you. If you don’t proactively manage the clients’ expectations of you, it will be easy to fall back into the habit of doing what they expect rather than what you now choose to do.
Of course, another option Martin has in this situation with Jill is to actually say nothing other than to ask the question and see what happens. It may be that there isn’t an ingrained expectation of you that you will always be the ‘expert’ and answer questions. This means that you are far freer to take on the role of asker without any adverse reaction and the need for lengthy explanations. Indeed, from feedback I have had, it appears that some clients engage very willingly