Looking back, I can see how this attitude compromised my medical care. Since I perceived doctors as godlike authority figures, it was important to win their respect and approval. I wanted them to like me and felt they wouldn’t if I bothered them by asking too many questions, by calling the office, or by complaining about my symptoms. Only rarely did I question a diagnosis or a recommended course of treatment.
Despite my hard-won enlightenment, those childish feelings occasionally return. When they do, I remind myself that the effectiveness of my medical care depends in large measure on my participation—my objectivity, my honesty, and my assertiveness.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Pedestals are obstacles.
January 16
“Things are where things are, and, as fate has willed, So shall they be fulfilled.”
AESCHYLUS
When close friends find out about our illness, they often react by saying, “You’re such a good person. It’s so unfair that this is happening to you!” Our friends and loved ones are insisting, in other words, that it’s not right for bad things to happen to good people, and we couldn’t agree more.
Such feelings are understandable. If we dwell on them, however, that can make it more difficult for us to accept our illness. If we believe that “good” people shouldn’t get sick and die, aren’t we implying that it’s okay for “bad” people to be afflicted? Aren’t we saying, moreover, that illness and death are not natural parts of life but, rather, are eventualities that should befall only those who “deserve” them? And doesn’t our “bad things shouldn’t happen to good people” philosophy indicate that we see illness and death as punishment?
Unfortunately, we are indeed ill and frequently in pain. Since it is far easier to accept these realities by approaching them as natural parts of life, this might be a good time to examine and perhaps try to change our deep-felt beliefs, attitudes, and feelings on the subject.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
In God’s hands, in God’s time.
January 17
“Ah, how good it feels! The hand of an old friend.”
HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW
When it became clear that you would be spending a lot of time in bed, you made the bedroom as comfortable, livable, and as inviting as possible. You bought a firm new mattress and a good reading lamp. You brought in books, plants, and a new TV. You had the windows washed and light-blocking blinds installed.
Now that you’re settled into your new environment, you vow that it will be dedicated to wellness rather than illness. Since you don’t want to shut yourself off from the world, even though that choice is tempting at times, you decide to put together a support network.
You take out pen and paper and thoughtfully prepare a list. You think first of those people who have already been helpful, who have demonstrated their willingness to be there for you no matter what. Who else? Who among your friends, relatives, and support-group contacts can you truly count on?
Then you make up another list, a shorter one, of the people who can’t handle your illness. Finally, you draw up still one more list, not of people, but of the things you can do to show your gratitude for the help you are receiving.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
How can I widen my world?
January 18
“It is better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.”
ANATOLE FRANCE
A friend stopped by to tell my wife and me that she had been diagnosed with a relatively uncommon inflammatory disease. When she mentioned its eight-syllable name, we said we had never heard of it.
“Very few people have heard of it,” she responded, “and I get really upset when I try to describe the illness and get them to understand what I’ve been going through. Some of them look at me blankly. One man at work actually backed away as if he might catch something from me.”
Her frustration brought me back to the time, years ago, when I was first diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus, commonly known as lupus or SLE. It was all I could do to understand the illness itself, let alone explain it to others. I, too, experienced blank stares and people pulling away.
I eventually came up with a solution to the problem. For some friends and co-workers, I scripted a short explanation that provided just enough information but not more than they needed (or wished) to know. For close friends and relatives, I made copies of an article that explained the illness clearly, concisely, and encouragingly.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Explanations aren’t always necessary, but when they are, my guidelines will be simplicity, clarity, and brevity.
January 19
“Faith, mighty faith, the promise sees, And looks to that alone; Laughs at impossibilities, And cries it shall be done.”
CHARLES WESLEY
Many things were unsettlingly new and different today. We visited a clinic in a strange building in a remote part of town. The nurses and doctors were unfamiliar, and we couldn’t help feeling anxious. It again became painfully obvious that cascading and unrelenting change is among the most challenging aspects of chronic illness.
It’s not only that we have to deal with new people, new experiences, and new feelings. Many other changes that go far deeper have the potential to traumatize us emotionally, and slow our pace of recovery. We may have to give up a career, seek financial help, and depend on others as never before. We may suddenly have a great deal of time on our hands and face long days and sleepless nights. We may be frightened by the numerous physical changes that are taking place.
But the fear of change diminishes quickly when we affirm the power of God that abides within us. That inner strength allows us to conquer our apprehension and face all changes with courage and confidence. With each new day and each new change, we quietly affirm God’s all-knowing, all-powerful, all-loving presence.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
God will see me through.
January 20
“One day, with life and heart, Is more than time enough to find a world.”
JAMES RUSSELL LOWELL
Dawn lightens the sky as it always has. Shadows lengthen and twilight gives way to night in familiar ways. The sun rises and sets with comforting predictability, but the hours in between are another matter entirely. For those of us living with chronic illness, each new day can present unexpected challenges.
We awaken and remain in bed for a while, checking pain levels, wondering how much energy we will have and what we will be able to accomplish. Then fear creeps in and we begin to worry about all sorts of problems. There’s a mysterious hum in the refrigerator; a new pothole on the street; a chimney that needs to be cleaned before the weather turns cold.
But we catch ourselves and