On the one hand, we are urged to fight disease with every fiber in our being and with every resource at our command. On the other hand, we are admonished to surrender and seek acceptance. Both approaches make sense, but how can we fight and give up at the same time? The last thing we need these days is another mixed message; we’ve had all the bewilderments and paradoxes we can handle.
Actually, there is nothing at all contradictory or paradoxical about “fighting” an illness while “surrendering” to it. Fighting an illness isn’t like fighting a bear. The object is not to wrestle it to the ground and in the process avoid getting mauled. Rather, the goal in fighting illness is to turn it away or at least stop it in its tracks. “Fighting,” in this sense, means garnering our resources, refusing to become a hapless victim, and refusing to give up hope.
“Surrender,” in turn, has less to do with giving up than it does with accepting the illness; that is, learning to live fully and gracefully, without self-pity, in the new framework of our life.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
When I surrender, I do not give up determination, courage, or hope. I give up only fear and self-pity.
January 11
“To question a wise man is the beginning of wisdom.”
GERMAN PROVERB
Some years ago a biopsy revealed that I had a malignant melanoma. My dermatologist spelled out the deadly nature of this type of cancer and insisted that I undergo surgery immediately.
I was shocked and extremely fearful. My mind raced with speculations and doubts. Is it really malignant? Could they have mixed up the biopsy results? Is a major excision and plastic surgery really necessary? Will I be cured?
My family urged me to get a second opinion, but I stalled for several days. Looking back, I now understand my reluctance. Quite frankly, I was afraid that a request for a second opinion would anger my doctor. I didn’t want to appear disrespectful, and I certainly didn’t want him to think I was questioning his judgment.
The truth, of course, is that good doctors welcome second opinions and are not the least bit threatened by them. If and when they do react poorly, it may be time to consider switching doctors.
By seeking second opinions, we acknowledge that we have choices and can still exercise a certain amount of control over our lives. We begin to take responsibility for our own well-being and become active participants in the treatment and healing process.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Whose life is it anyway?
January 12
“Experience has taught me this, that we undo ourselves by impatience. Misfortunes have their life and their limits, their sickness and their health.”
MICHEL DE MONTAIGNE
For sound and practical reasons, many of us have committed ourselves to living life a day at a time. Experience has taught us that this is the most effective way to remain in the present, and to avoid fearful mental sojourns into the past or future.
However, those among us who suffer from chronic pain can easily become discouraged when applying the one-day-at-a-time approach to rehabilitation, especially if we tend to have more “bad days” than “good days.” Because we so desperately want our pain to diminish, we work hard at our healing and rehabilitation programs. We expect to feel better tomorrow or within a few days—certainly by the end of the month—and when we don’t, we become disappointed and angry.
The point is that, yes, in many areas we should try to live one day at a time, but in certain illness-related areas it is also important to cultivate a long-term approach. Since the dramatic improvement we seek may not come in eight weeks or eight months, we might be better served by visualizing freedom from pain and its limitations occurring a year, two years, or even three years down the road.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
High hopes and realistic expectations.
January 13
“In fair weather prepare for foul.”
THOMAS FULLER
Those of us who live in southern California have been told for years that a great earthquake—the big one—could occur at any time, and that we would be well advised to prepare for it. Like many others I ignored the warnings, until the devastating Northridge earthquake literally shook my house off its foundation. Within two weeks I had prepared an elaborate and expensive earthquake survival kit containing all the recommended items and then some.
A year passed. One day, I found myself resenting the time and money I had spent on earthquake supplies that I would almost certainly never use. But then, a short time later, I couldn’t help smiling. My negative and rebellious attitude was easy to recognize, for I have felt exactly that same way at times about the effort and money I spend on my health: exercise, stretching, food supplements, medicines, medical tests, and so on.
This time it didn’t take an earthquake to shake me back to reality. I realized that while forethought and preparedness rarely bring immediate rewards, they almost always pay off in the long run.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
Prevention may not always be possible, but it’s always preferable.
January 14
“To improve the golden moment of opportunity, and catch the good that is within our reach, is the great art of life.”
SAMUEL JOHNSON
When we first try a support group, many of us are restrained, skeptical, and cynical. Before we even walk through the door into our first meeting, we take the close-minded view that these people can’t possibly help us, because our circumstances are entirely different than theirs.
But then, sometimes within minutes, reluctance gives way to relief; we feel completely at home. As the weeks pass, we benefit in ways we could not have imagined, and our enthusiasm grows.
We soon realize that our case is not different at all, and that we can indeed learn a lot from others with the same illness. How comforting it is to calmly compare and discuss symptoms, options, doctors, and treatments. How freeing it is to dispel myths and acquire new tools for living and coping.
Week after week we are infused with new life as we see others resolving their problems and achieving their goals. Along the way, we receive encouragement and support for our own progress. In no time at all, it seems, our skepticism has given way to loyalty and commitment.
THOUGHT FOR TODAY
There is much I can gain and much I can give.
January 15
“In the hands of the discoverer, medicine becomes heroic art…. Wherever life is dear he is a demigod.”
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
One night in a Chinese restaurant I spotted my cardiologist with his wife and three young children. I caught his eye and waved; he waved back and smiled broadly. Seeing him outside of the usual clinical setting was a comforting reminder of his humanness.
There