He saw a tiger and roaring he said, “Why aren’t you big and strong like I am?” The tiger was scared and ran.
He saw a little mouse and roaring he said, “Why aren’t you big and strong like I am.”
The little mouse covered his mouth, coughed and answered, “Well, I’ve been sick.”
5.
The pet shop had a parrot that could talk. One day a man came in the front door and, as he passed by, the parrot said, “Hey you!” The man turned around and asked, “Yeah, what do you want?”
The parrot said, “You’re the ugliest man I ever saw. In fact, I think you are the ugliest man in the whole world.” The man was mad. He went over to the manager and told him, “That parrot over by the door insulted me. I don’t know if I want to buy anything here or not.”
The manager answered, “I’m sorry, but just leave it to me. I’ll take care of him.” He went over to the bird and said, “You can’t talk like that to our customers. If you talk bad again I’ll stick you in that freezer!”
The customer went ahead and shopped. As he left he passed the parrot again. The parrot spoke up, ”Hey you!” The man turned around. “Yeah, what do you want?”
The parrot looked back at the manager and then at the customer and said, “Youuuuuu know!”
6.
The Knights in the Middle ages had grown some St. Bernard dogs that were so large they could ride on them. In fact, they always used them to ride on if they had an emergency.
One night it rained real hard while the dogs were outside. An emergency came up and one of the Knights ran to the head Knight and said, “There’s an emergency. We better send one of the Knights out on a dog.”
“The head Knight answered, “But the dogs are all wet and smelly.”
“It doesn’t make any difference. We have to send someone out.”
“No way,” said the Head Knight, “I would never send a Knight out on a dog like this.”
7.
A man in the big city used to walk his dog every day. It was a big, mean looking bull dog and whenever someone else was walking their dog they would cross to the other side of the street rather than meet this man and his dog. A few had not done that and the big dog had attacked and beat up their dogs badly. The dog’s reputation had grown so everybody knew to avoid him.
One day a new man moved to town and went out walking his little pink dog. Down the street came the other man with his big bull dog. The new man just kept going rather than crossing the street and when they met, the bull dog started a big fight.
But the little pink dog turned around, grabbed the big dog, chewed him up big time and left him lying in a heap.
The bull dog’s owner couldn’t believe what he saw. He said, “I’ve never seen anything like that in my life. That’s absolutely amazing! He’s just a little thing, but he’s the strongest dog I ever saw! What do you call him?”
“Well, now we call him Cream Puff,” answered the man, “but before we cut off his tail and painted him pink, we called him Alligator.”
8.
A man was on the way to the store one day when his car hit a rabbit. He pulled over to the curb and went back to see how bad it was hurt.
It was over by the curb trembling and holding its paw up in the air. He felt sorry for it and looked in his car for something to put on the little rabbit’s foot. All he could find was a can of scalp ointment but he went ahead and sprayed it on. Then he put the rabbit over on the grass by the curb and went on to the store.
When he had finished shopping he went back the way he had come to see if the rabbit was still there. He saw it still in the same spot and it seemed to be all right.
In fact, it was just sitting there waving at all the cars going by. The man was amazed.
He decided the scalp spray must have been really good. So he looked to see what kind it was.
On the can were words that read, “Good for damaged hair, and leaves a permanent wave.”
9.
THE GREATEST ELEPHANT STORY EVER TOLD
(How to Draw Logical Conclusions)
In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University . On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Mbembe and his son Tapu were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Mbembe, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Mbembe couldn’t help wondering if this was the same elephant. Mbembe summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure.
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Mbembe’ s legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
And so the logical conclusion from this is that it probably wasn’t the same elephant.
10.
There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals, a Lion, a Chimpanzee, a Giraffe, and a Squirrel, who pass by.
They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree. Who do you guess will win? Your answer will reflect your personality. So think carefully . . . Try and answer within 30 seconds
Got your answer? Now scroll down to see the analysis. If your answer is:
Lion = you’re dull.
Chimpanzee = you’re a moron.
Giraffe = you’re a complete idiot.
Squirrel = you’re just hopelessly stupid.
Because ——————-
A coconut tree doesn’t have bananas.
11.
My Favorite Animal – Little boy in class
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right because everyone else in the class laughed.
My daddy and mama told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of some animal group that loves animals very much. I do, too, especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what happened, and he laughed. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she’d asked the other children. So I told her it was because you