I love life, imperfections and all.
I love myself, imperfections and all.
Fostering Self-Forgiveness
ONE OF THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAYS TO BLEED our spirit-energy away is to impale ourselves on the twin swords of blame and nonforgiveness. Therefore, the ability to forgive ourselves is essential to our soul's growth. Forgiveness originally meant “to return good treatment for ill usage,” which reminds me of a beautiful saying: “Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the hand that has crushed it.”
We are all susceptible to human failings. We've all pointed the finger of blame at ourselves and others and trotted out an inner perfectionist to bludgeon ourselves with guilt and shame. We have crushed the delicate violet of another's feelings and trampled our own under the heels of unrealistic demands. But as the imminently true cliche states, “To err is human, to forgive, divine.” As we forgive, the divine fragrance of the Beloved flows through us, bestowing blessings.
Our souls are no strangers to forgiveness, for they have basked in the benediction of God's forgiveness for eternity. Difficulty in forgiving means that we have slipped from the heart of God into our human heads or guts and are no longer centered in the ground of our being, which is unconditional love.
By becoming aware of the skid away from our higher self, we can move back into our hearts. Even though it may sound too good to be true, we can return to our heart by merely asking to do so and accepting that it is done. Remembering to pour the fragrance of God's love and acceptance upon ourselves will set the stage for our ability to forgive the hands that occasionally crush us.
Forgiving ourselves allows us to create a garden of violets that will perfume our own and other's lives with the fragrance of love.
I am willing to forgive myself.
I forgive myself.
Extending Forgiveness
FORGIVENESS IS NOT OPTIONAL IF YOU WISH to walk a spiritual path. Practicing the art of forgiveness is essential for keeping our spirits green and gloriously alive. Not being able or willing to forgive those who have hurt us blocks God's love from entering our hearts and dams the flow of love going from us toward others.
Not forgiving binds us to our tormentor and to the original injury, keeping it fresh and current even if it is actually old and stale. Definitely a losing proposition! In reality, we don't forgive someone because it is good for the other person; we forgive in order to free our own hearts and souls and return ourselves to a state of love.
Tiffany was finding it very difficult to forgive her mother who drank herself to death when Tiffany was a teenager. The years preceding her mother's death were filled with neglect and embarrassment that had left deep scars. Grieving the fact that she had never really had a mother and venting her anger about her loss was important in Tiffany's healing. But eventually she realized that she didn't want to carry the ghost of her mother on her back for the rest of her life, and so she made a commitment to forgiving her.
Tiffany found it very helpful to picture her mother and then imagine that she could look through the drinker's facade and see the wounded, scared, and ignorant part of her mother who needed to disrupt everyone's lives. It was much easier to forgive the little girl inside her mother, who had also had a difficult childhood, than it was to forgive the woman who had made Tiffany's miserable.
In any forgiveness practice, it's important to remember that we can't see the whole spiritual picture. We don't know precisely what lessons our souls have signed up for in their evolutionary process. What we do know is that being able to forgive ourselves and others opens our hearts to the flow of divine energy.
I am willing to forgive _____.
I forgive _____.
Exploring the Family Tree
IF WE HAVE ARID PLACES IN US FROM OUR experience with our parents, a great way to re-green them is to learn to understand, honor, and know our parents as human beings, not roles. If they are alive, we can talk to them about their childhoods and, by listening to their reminiscences, get a better feel for why and how they became the people they are. If our parents have died, we can talk to other family members and friends about them and explore letters and papers left behind.
Out of a deep desire to know who her father really was, Carrie created a four-page questionnaire and sent it to him. It had easy questions like, “What is your favorite color?” and “What were your parents like?” and tough ones such as, “How did you want me to think or feel about my sexuality?” and “Do you think about your own death, and are you afraid?” Although it took him a while to respond, to his credit, this quiet man attempted to answer most of his daughter's questions.
Carrie told me that his answers gave her a feeling of comfort and calm, an increased sense of why she is who she is, and a richer picture of her background. She better understands the influences that shaped both herself and her father, and she feels closer to him as a result.
In knowing our parents, we can more fully know ourselves. Ask yourself how you might be able to know your parents more authentically and decide what actions you want to take that are appropriate to your circumstances. Doing so may feel like a risk, but, who knows—within their histories, you may find an oasis for yourself.
Our personalities yearn to know and understand our souls. And when either is revealed, the other becomes more transparent, more readily available.
I love to learn about my background.
I love and honor myself and my parents.
Trailing Clouds of Glory
GENE AND I RECENTLY BECAME GRANDPARents for the first time, and I am learning that nothing re-greens the heart and mind quite like being in the presence of an innocent infant. William Wordsworth was certainly right in his poem Ode on Immortality when he said, “But trailing clouds of glory do we come from God, who is our home: Heaven lies about us in our infancy!”
I've always gone to pet stores or stopped people on the street with infants, puppies, or kittens to get my baby-fixes, but the other day I stepped back just a little to view other family members reacting to my little grandbaby's first smiles. We had all turned into “people-puddles,” melting in the warmth of the absolutely pure energy he embodies and showers on us. It's a two-way street—he opens our hearts with the aura of Heaven he trails, and we enfold him in love and security.
Not only can we make sure that we get a babyfix every now and then, but we can re-green arid places within us by giving to and gleaning from our own inner little ones.
Pam's mother died only a few days after she was born and Pam was cared for by a well-meaning but unprepared aunt who, not unnaturally, was a bit resentful at the unexpected turn of events in her life. As an adult, Pam avoided intimate relationships, rationalizing that she was too busy with her career. In truth, being a motherless daughter had left her carrying the unconscious belief that she was unlovable.
Finally, chronic depression made her seek therapy, where she discovered she needed to become the mother to herself that she'd never had. Through guided meditation, journaling, and a dogged determination to feel better, Pam began to love her inner infant and ultimately came to twin realizations: that she was not responsible for her mother's death and that she was infinitely lovable.
If you're feeling somewhat barren or lifeless, treat yourself to a baby-fix—either inner or outer—and immerse yourself in the innocent Heaven of new life.
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