You see, before Kanye, a lot of rappers and hip-hop artists dressed in long white tees and oversized street wear. He came out of nowhere with this college prep type swag and turned the game upside down, the same way I did when I wore that fuchsia pink polo with the color popped. That day set the tone for how I dressed in life. I had always been afraid of wearing certain things in middle school because of my size. But when I got to high school, I wore what I wanted to wear, when I wanted to wear it. This helped me develop the fearless fashion sense I have today. I’m one of the biggest Kanye West fans because of this. I feel as of we have lived parallel lives for quite some time. There wasn’t any role model for me growing up – I didn’t have any body icons or fashion icons. The only black male model I remember as a kid was Tyson Beckford. Little did I know all of this would come full circle for me.
Now that we live in a digital age, it’s a lot easier to put who you are, your journey, and your story out there. When I created Notoriously Dapper, I not only wanted to show off my style as a “bigger” guy, but also to create that role model that I didn’t have growing up. Everywhere we look, it’s about getting lighter, getting thinner, and meeting an unrealistic standard of beauty that doesn’t exist in the real world. I recall being in that “husky” section and looking at the ads for the other departments, wondering, “Why can’t I have abs?” “Why can’t I have blonde hair?” or “Why can’t I have blue eyes?” I remember not knowing that who I was and how I looked was good enough. Now, I know that. I have a responsibility to share my body struggles with you all, to share the need for more diversity in the media and fashion industry. We all need representation of some kind.
Representation is everything. We are slowly losing our young men and women to reality television and what they see on the internet. People have forgotten what it is to be nice, to be caring, to love uncondishy (you will learn what this means later), and to live their own life. In this book I will share my journey with you on how I became a modern gentleman with manners, style, and body confidence. Am I an expert? No, but these stories I share with you are 100% true, and it brings joy to my heart to share them. These past 30 years of my life have been quite the time. Time flies, but the good news is you’re the pilot. So strap yourself in, grab a beer or wine, and enjoy.
By the way, before we get started, let me tell you this…you’re beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Your body isn’t wrong, the media is. Now turn this page so we can get it started. Let’s get it started in here…and the bass keeps runnin’ runnin’ runnin’. Okay, sorry, I couldn’t resist singing those Black Eyed Peas lyrics. Now for real…let’s get started.
Dedication:
This book is dedicated to my father, the man who raised me to be who I am today. You’re the definition of manners, style, and body confidence. Thank you for being the best Dad a boy could ask for. This one is for you, I love you.
My Dad and I at my first birthday party! #TBT
“You can pay for school but you can’t buy class.”
- Jay-Z
Living in the modern world with new ways of communicating and interacting can be a bit stressful. Back in the 1950’s, people didn’t have to worry about cell phones, social media, and the heavy tension the media causes in our society. Men in that day behaved differently because of the time period, although I’m sure there were jerks then as there are now. What’s the difference now? Well, the difference is that everything we say and do can be put on the internet for the whole world to see in just a matter of seconds. That’s the downfall and beauty of living in a digital age. We all know that racism, sexism, and bigotry existed before the technological era, but it was easier to ignore, because we never experienced it the way we do now in this digital day and age. Everything from the way we communicate to the way we live has been redefined over time, so it’s only natural that the term “Gentleman” has to be redefined as well.
What is a Gentleman? Do they exist? How do I spot one in this modern day? These are all questions people ask themselves and others daily. Acting in a gentlemanly way has become so rare that a lot people mistake it for flirting or being creepy. What’s so creepy about buying someone’s coffee with no intention of wanting anything in return? Nothing is creepy about it. What’s creepy is that people have become so accustomed to others always having ulterior motives that they can’t simply appreciate a gentleman’s nice gesture. And don’t get me wrong, you don’t have to buy a stranger coffee to be a gentleman. What makes you a gentleman in the modern day is simply being thoughtful, aware, loving, understanding, tolerant, and KIND! It’s hard to be considered a gentleman if you are lacking any of these qualities. So I’m going to break down each characteristic and give you some examples. Most of these examples are true situations from my life or that of someone I know. Brace yourself, ‘cause it’s about to get real for you ladies and fellas.
“Thoughtful” by definition means showing consideration for the needs of other people. The key word in there is OTHER people – which is someone other than your damn self. Don’t be selfish and always think about what you want, need, and deserve. Believe it or not, others, especially your loved ones, have wants and needs and are deserving. We all have parents or guardians who looked after us when we were growing up and being foolish. It’s not till we get older that we see the sacrifices, hard work, and thoughtfulness they always were demonstrating. All the days when bills were stacked up to their head, work was at an all-time high, and they were full of frustration, their only concern was making sure you were taken care of and happy. As a father, I now understand more of what it is to be thoughtful. It’s not about me; it’s about them (my daughters). It’s about their smiles, their tears, their fears, and their needs – not mine. It’s your job as a gentleman to showcase this type of thoughtfulness so we can build better communities for our children. Being thoughtful is more than just looking after people you know. Helping strangers can go a long way.
I was taking my family to go grab some dinner from Five Guys. While driving, I hit this major pothole – it flattened my front passenger tire and bent my back passenger rim up pretty bad. I pulled over to take a look at the damage, and then started getting the supplies out to change my tire. While I was changing my tire, a man who lives across the street came over and asked me if I needed help. I said, “Yeah, I do. My lug wrench is stripped and it won’t latch on.” He then not only stopped mowing his lawn to get me a lug wrench, but he brought out something to drink for me, and for my wife and girls, because it was clearly hot outside and I was sweating it up trying to change this tire. He was thoughtful. As he helped me take the lug nuts off and put the spare tire on, I began to realize how rare this moment was – a middle-aged white man helping a young black man change a tire. Not only did he help me, but we also had a great conversation about Gamecock football, boiled peanuts, and Five Guys. We introduced our families to one another, gave thanks, and hugged goodbye. It was a great moment for my daughters and his son to see that helping people is okay and that it’s encouraged. He could have easily turned the other cheek, gone into his house, and not offered me a single helping hand, but he did the opposite. He was being a gentleman by offering a helping hand; regardless of whether I accepted it or not, he did his part by being thoughtful.
Having knowledge