What are you doing with your time?
February 18
Grief will flood you when you least expect it. You might be having a good day and then suddenly find yourself in tears. It could feel like grief blindsides you over and over again. Don't resist these outbursts of feeling—just sit with them and let them pass.
Today
Can you allow the grief to rise to the surface when it needs to?
February 19
You just don't know where grief is going to lead you. At the very least, it will introduce you to new people and to a deeper compassion for emotional pain. Think of those you have met in grief groups or on Internet support communities. True, you would always rather have your loved one back, but be open to where the path of grief will take you and whose path you will cross because of it.
Today
Whom have you met as a direct result of your loss?
February 20
We live in a world that doesn't like pain. We too might be tempted to turn from it, to keep a stiff upper lip. But grief asks us to touch pain, to sit with pain, to ask it to tea. Being with your sorrow is brave and courageous. Not only is there nothing wrong with you for feeling your pain, know that it takes strength to venture into this frightening territory.
Today
Remember that grief is borne of love.
February 21
While it's true that you're irrevocably changed after a major loss, it's also true that you were irrevocably changed for knowing and loving your dear one. Think about how they influenced you, changed you, and impacted you with their personality. Imagine if you had never known them. Both love and grief have shaped you and will continue to do so.
Today
Remember that you are the sum of both having lost and having loved.
February 22
No matter how many years go by—even if you've made meaning of your loss and moved on to a new you, a new life, with your loved one ever in your heart—there will be days when the grief feels as raw as if the loss has just occurred. This is normal. Honor the retriggered grief—ride the wave, and watch it ebb and flow like the tide.
Today
Close your eyes and take a moment to follow your breath as it flows in and out.
February 23
Your loved one was and is an extraordinary gift in your life. Remember, the gift does not become less valuable simply because the form and packaging have changed. Although it may seem as if the gift have been wrenched from you, in fact, the beautiful aspects of the gift continue to shower down upon you.
Today
Give a gift in honor of your loved one.
February 24
Grief has an amazing ability to cut through the superficialities of life. Life takes on stark meaning when you realize how fragile it is. Life, in fact, never quite looks the same once you've encountered the sharp reality of death. The question is, How will this awareness shape your remaining days?
Today
Reflect on what matters to you now.
February 25
You will find that some people simply do not understand your process, your grief. They may say things that appear insensitive or unkind (such as suggesting that you “move on”). Know that it is not their wish to be unsupportive. We live in a pain-averse culture, and people will go to great lengths to minimize and mask it. Rather than feel insulted, use each opportunity as a chance to educate people about love, about grief, and about pain. One day, they too will understand.
Today
Tell someone about how the grief experience is for you.
February 26
Your goal is not to forget about your loved one or move into a life in which they don't exist. Your goal, for now, is to be with grief. Your goal, with time, is to learn to live with loss and integrate it into your life. Your goal, now and always, is to hold your loved one close, letting the love you share radiate within and beyond you.
Today
Hold your hand over your heart. Feel the love.
February 27
Grieving, the work of processing the pain of loss, is a bit like a job. It takes up your time and your energy, especially in the first few years after a major loss. Know that as you cry, as you mourn, as you draw into your shell, you are doing your job very well.
Today
Be assured that when you do the work of grieving, you are courageous.
February 28
What does it mean to “move on”? It means to keep your loved one ever in your heart as you begin to open to life and reconnect to the living. Over time, slowly, when the choice comes to keep living, you will “move forward” with your loved one, who is ever a part of you. If you're not there yet, be patient. If you're getting closer, be gentle. If you're already there, keep your heart open.
Today
Know that as you move forward, you carry your beloved with you.
March 1
There is no expiration date on grieving. Even if your loss happened years ago, now could be the time to revisit feelings that you didn't honor way back when. Know that grief can be opened, examined, felt, and processed many years after the loss. It's never too late to grieve. Perhaps now is the time.
Today
Look back in time . . . Is there a loss from the past that is waiting for your attention?
March 2
Notice how you are supported in your grief . . . through friends who understand, family, online communities, religious groups, mentors, and counselors. Know that needing support is not a weakness—it is a sign of being human. We all need and deserve to be supported on our journey.
Today
Call a friend and let them know how you're really feeling.
March 3
It is natural after a loss to ask the question, “Why?” However, we will likely not know the answer to that question in this lifetime. A different question to ask is, “What