Chuchuzinho (Portugese/Brazil) – Little pumpkin. Your Brazilian lover is being affectionate, not criticizing your figure.
Ma puce (French) – My flea or louse. Your French sweetie is being loving, not complaining that you’re as irritating as a flea or head lice.
Chang noi (Thai) – Little elephant. You can use this affectionately to your children, not your husband or lover. Unless, of course, you want to say that his equipment is small.
Polpetta (Italian) – Meatball. You know how important food is to Italians. He’s saying you’re yummy, not round and squishy.
Chényú luòyàn 沉鱼落雁 (Chinese) – Diving fish, swooping geese. Your Chinese lover is saying you’re beautiful, not that you look like a fish with the brains of a goose.
Mijn poepie (Dutch) – My little poo or poopie. Yep, meant with love. Not much more to say about this.
Gordo/gorda (Spanish) – Fatty. A term of affection. Not suggesting you join Weight Watchers.
Khanfoussti / Khanfoussi
Gang-a-ji 강아지 (Korean) – Puppy. Your darling is saying you’re cute, not that you’re a dog.
Zhū tóu 猪头(Chinese) – Pig head. Said lovingly. Not a comment on your appearance or eating habits.
Pulcino (Italian) – Little chicken. Yes, another term of love, not a comment on your brain power or annoying, baseless fears.
Krümel (German) – Crumb. Said fondly. Not related to the English “crummy.”
Karale (Malayalam) – Liver. Not comparing you to a large, rubbery organ that secretes bile, but to what (they think) is the source of love. Their version of the Italian cuore mio.
Manaraki Μαναρακι (Greek) – A small lamb being fed to prepare for slaughter. Said with affection. Not preparing you for getting wooed then dumped (though Greeks do have sex more often than anyone else in the world).
Jigaret Udem (Armenian) – “I will eat your liver.” No need to run, unless she’s approaching with a carving knife.
Xiao qiu yin 小蚯蚓 (Chinese) – Small earthworm. Term of endearment for a woman, not a comment on a man’s character or apparatus.
Gomba (Hungarian) – Mushroom. He’s being romantic, not saying you live in the dark and smell like poop.
Moosh bokhoradet
Microbino mio (Italian) – “My little microbe.” She’s saying you’re adorable, not that you’re making her sick.
Zuzuni Ζουζουνι (Greek) – Bug. Again with the insect reference. Not sure what’s going on with the Europeans’ passion for bugs.
Mijn Bolleke (Flemish) – “My little round thing.” Said fondly, not a comment on your hips.
Brzydalu (Polish) – “Ugly one.” Hard to figure this one. Maybe follows that old song, “if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife…” Except you use it for your man.
Mae-yod-choo (Thai) – “Mother with the most lovers.” To be said lovingly by a man to his wife. Implications as you wish.
Looking for a few good men!
The “Sacred Band” was the most famous, powerful, and feared military troop of ancient Greece. These mighty soldiers crushed every foe. They even fought huge legions of the feared Spartans—and won.
The secret of their bravery and military prowess? Their loving, gay relationships. The entire Sacred Band was three hundred carefully chosen male lovers. These guys had unparalleled courage and determination to fight to the death for one another. Of course, they also trained like crazy—mainly dancing and wrestling.
For decades, everyone considered them invincible. That rep only ended when Alexander the Great, of Macedonia, and his dad, King Philip II, defeated all the Greek armies. When King Philip saw the entire Sacred Band lying dead after the battle, he burst into tears. These men, he declared, were the most honorable, bold, and courageous soldiers he had ever fought.
SACRED BAND OF GREECE
Girls just wanna have fun!
Pity the parents of the average teenage girl. Desperate to protect her virginity, they set curfews, declare dress codes, screen boyfriends, chaperone parties.
Samoan women traditional dance
Yet in the innocent days before AIDS, many traditional societies—Bhuiya, Guana, Guaycuru, Kumbi, Akamba, Igorot, Samoan and others—figured teenagers need sex. Take Samoa. Sure, a Samoan girl should learn to cook and weave so she can help support her family. But keep your priorities straight. Tell her to be more responsible and she would protest, “I am but young.” The adults understood. When they hit late teens, girls should devote themselves to age-appropriate activities, like having lots of sexual affairs.
SAMOA
Men are from Venus, Women are from Mars...
“Stick to traditional roles,” say the Tchambuli of Papua New Guinea. Men should do what they do best: dance, paint, play the flute. In their villages along Chambri Lake, rich in rare birds and infested with crocodiles, Tchambuli women know what they want—and go after it. They are the sexual aggressor and they decide whom they’ll mate.
To entice the women, Tchambuli men compete constantly, trying out new hairdos and decorating themselves with flowers and ornaments. At Tchambuli festivals, young men dress up as women so they can join in the raunchy homosexual dancing and sex play women enjoy at every festival.
The Tchambuli women are busy with “women’s work.” They shave their heads and hunt.
TCHAMBULI OF PAPUA NEW GUINEA
DANGEROUS WEAPONS OUTLAWED
You’ve got to love this.
Some US states consider dildos dangerous weapons. For example, it’s illegal to own a dildo in Sandy Springs, Georgia. Guns are just fine, though. In GA, you can carry guns in your car and bring them into bars. You can bring them to school classrooms, as long as you’re dropping off or picking up a student. And you can carry your trusty sidearm into church with the minister’s blessing, and into airport TSA safety checkpoints if you have a gun permit. Indeed, in Kennesaw, GA, every homeowner must own a firearm and ammunition (unless they’re too poor or too insane).
In Alabama, it’s illegal to sell anything you might use to have an orgasm, or as they so quaintly put it: any device “designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs.”
In Texas, that bastion of liberty, it was illegal to own more than six dildos until 2008. Then they came to their senses.
No such luck for the upright citizens of Arizona. More than two dildos in the same house can land you in jail.
Sex scrooges need not apply…