It is useful to think about what causes discomfort because this will help you to better understand yourself and your own way of life. It is necessary to focus on yourself and not on the apparent shortcomings of your partner.
Try to identify repetitive patterns in your relationships, and change the situation or your attitude towards it. When discussing the situation which upsets you with your partner, avoid accusations. Instead of “you do/do not do…,” say, “I feel that…” or “I feel hurt when…”
Relationships With Others
What kind of relationship did I have with my relatives, as a child? Could I express my feelings?
What impression do other people usually form about me? Is it consistent with my own self image?
What common themes constantly emerge in my relationships with other people?
Am I satisfied with how I communicate with others? Am I able to listen or help? Am I inclined to judge? To obey? To envy?
Our past experiences influence relationships with our children, relatives, friends, and colleagues. World outlook, attitudes, and behaviors form in our childhood. The care that a child receives early on lays the foundation of trust he develops for others. The values that are instilled into a child during childhood shape their self-esteem, which later affects relationships with others.
To analyze your current problems, it is important to remember what the emotional climate was like in the family in which you grew up; how those important to you reacted to your victories and failures; and what worried or frightened or upset you when you were a child.
Try to identify topics that constantly emerge in your relationships with people. Perhaps there are some repetitive patterns and unconscious reactions to the actions of other people that cause you discomfort.
Work and Self-Realization
Do these two concepts dovetail, for me? Am I able to achieve both in my work?
Am I satisfied with my current job?
What was most important for me in my job at the beginning of my career: recognition, demand, income, interest, creative aspects, communication, or leadership? And what is more important at the moment?
Work is a huge part of our lives. Dissatisfaction with work can easily spread to other aspects of life. Analyze what’s bothering you in the workplace and try to distinguish between the problems associated with people you have to work with every day and the work itself.
Our values and priorities change over time. For example, at the beginning of one’s career, ambition and the desire to receive the necessary compensation for work are quite normal focuses. But, over time, something else may come to be important – for example, self-realization, recognition, team support, or independence.
Financial Position/Interests – Hobbies, Leisure, Travel
These facets of life can also be analyzed, as others in the examples above, to answer questions about the degree of comfort and satisfaction a person feels over their existing state of affairs. If satisfaction leaves much to be desired, think about what specific actions can be taken to correct this.
In conclusion, it is important to remember that anything, even desirable changes, can bring stress. Take time to conduct a “revision” of each area of life, but do not rush to answer all questions. Give yourself a few days to think and listen to your thoughts and feelings.
Take one facet of life at a time. You can start with anything: the one where things are most “painful” or the place where, on the contrary, you feel most satisfaction. Analyze what you are satisfied with and what you would like to change or improve. What do you want to get rid of? What habits or people have overstayed their welcome?
Sometimes, in order to solve a problem, it’s enough to just realize that one exists. Make a realistic step by step plan of change and gradually make it happen.
Good luck!
Midlife Crisis
Question: “I often hear about the concept of a ‘middle age crisis.’ Tell me, please: what is this and how is it defined? Does it only occur in men, or does it affect women, too? How does someone get over it?”
A midlife crisis is a long-term emotional state that occurs in middle age (from 35 to 55 years) and is caused by a reassessment of life experiences. Sometimes it is accompanied by depression. This crisis demonstrates that there are regrets about irreversibly missed opportunities, as well as anxiety associated with the advancement of a person’s age and awareness of mortality.
For example, a forty-year-old man can, for no apparent reason, give up a well-paid job, become depressed, start an extramarital affair, or even leave his family while isolating himself from all previously enjoyable activities and social connections. Often, neither the man himself nor his loved ones or friends can understand or explain such behavior.
Midlife crisis is a conditional definition. For some, it passes unnoticed, but others are struck by it with the force of a tornado. As a rule, dissatisfaction with one’s life accumulates gradually, drop by drop, until at some point the cup is overflowing. In addition, the crisis does not have clear boundaries. It can last for one year or can drag on for decades.
Symptoms of a midlife crisis include:
– feeling self-pity
– a sense of injustice in life, or feeling trapped in marriage or work
– depression and loss of interest in many previously significant aspects of life
– changing one’s circle of significant people
– change in value guidelines
– becoming eccentric
– sensing the meaninglessness of life
People of middle age perform a connecting role between the older generation of parents and the younger generation of children. They carry a load of social responsibility on their shoulders. This responsibility also brings with it social conflicts.
People regret that they did not achieve certain goals, have not completed what they planned, and that many goals have remained a dream. However, middle-aged people understand that they must live with problems and everyday concerns. They cannot either live in the past like their parents or, like their children, live in dreams about the future.
The first possible reason for a midlife crisis is the fact that the kids grow up and leave into separate, independent lives. While, on the one hand, parents get more free time for themselves, the problem is that, by then, many of them have lost or had to sacrifice most of their significant interests, and are not motivated to develop any new ones.
The second possible reason for a crisis is associated with relationships with aging parents. It is even more difficult if the parents suffer from cognitive impairment or are weak. So, any free time the parents get from not having to take care of their kids is transferred to taking care of their own aging parents.
This brings on a new wave of dissatisfaction and a feeling that life is passing