The 4 Corners Festival began with the goal of “Bringing Belfast Together.” The name of the festival was adopted from a poem written by Reverend Steve, titled “4 Corners of Belfast.”10 It tells the story of a city where households, industries, and religions are separated by invisible borders. Each community claims a corner of the city without a care for their neighbors. Religious divisions from decades past plague daily life.
Division was the stimulus that caused Reverend Steve and Father Martin to act. Their friendship, at the beginning, was based simply on their shared goal. It was, in the words of Vanier, a “collaboration.” It wasn’t until later, during the creation and implementation of the festival, that their friendship transformed into a “communion.” Their shared goal, rooted in the desire for reconciliation and embodied in the festival, transformed as their friendship transformed. Friendship and festival transformed in tandem.
How would Aristotle describe this friendship? We can find an answer in the conclusion of Reverend Steve’s poem mentioned earlier. It states, “May we move from institutional peace to the shalom of God.”11 Friends of usefulness or pleasure would simply be content with “institutional peace,” or the absence of anger. They would be fine with an agreement for tolerance. But we know from the story above that Reverend Steve and Father Martin did not stop there. They did not settle for mere neutrality. Instead, they worked toward transformation. They did everything in their power to transform the tensions of Belfast into the “shalom of God.”
The story of Reverend Steve and Father Martin is a helpful introduction to virtuous friendships. Their example teaches us two qualities in particular. First, the positive aspects of our friendships of usefulness or pleasure are not discarded once we enter into a virtuous friendship. They are simply transformed. Second, the fruits of our virtuous friendships are not restricted to the two friends alone. They will naturally spread to anyone within reach.
One Virtue to Rule Them All
It is apparent how, in the words of Paul Wadell, theology professor at St. Norbert College, “every friendship is identified by the good which joins the friends.”12 We have seen how friends of usefulness and pleasure are identified by use and pleasure. We have also been introduced to the virtue that helped form the friendship between Reverend Steve and Father Martin. Next, it is important to define what specific virtue (yes, there are many virtues!) defined the friendship between Reverend Steve and Father Martin.
Looking back, Aristotle relied on the virtues that were popular in his time — justice, temperance, fortitude, and prudence — to describe the bond shared between two friends.13 We can see how the virtue of justice was the initial glue between Reverend Steve and Father Martin, based on their interest in the community and the desire to dispel the hatred between religions. But we can sense in the poem a deeper, underlying virtue.
Recall the memorable line from the Lord of the Rings trilogy: “One ring to rule them all.” Similarly, the theology of Thomas Aquinas introduces “one virtue to guide them all.” The virtue of charity, often translated as love, is the bond that outlasts all other bonds. Saint Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians, explains, “So faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love” (1 Cor 13:13). It holds together a friendship in moments when other virtues are abandoned for other goals. It is here that we must part ways with the philosophy of Aristotle and dive deeper into the realm of theology.
The virtue of charity is important because of its source: the Trinity. God is love, and the three Persons within the Trinity are a communion of love. The love between the Father and the Son is the most perfect love that exists, so perfect that it is a Person — the Holy Spirit. This perfect love does not exist only within the Trinity. It plays an important role in our lives and is experienced in our friendships as the virtue of charity. According to Aquinas, “We have [charity] neither by nature, nor as acquired, but as infused by the Holy Spirit, who is the love of the Father and the Son.”14 Therefore, we experience the virtue of charity in our friendships when we participate in the same type of love that is shared in the Trinity.
Our friendships are elevated to friendships of virtue when we open ourselves up to the work of the Holy Spirit. But what does this process look like?
It is much simpler than you’d expect.
The Journey of Friendship
Even after the friendship between Reverend Steve and Father Martin and the 4 Corners Festival received global recognition, they both described the entire movement as a simple, organic process. It started with coffee and continues over coffee. We can apply a popular mantra to their situation: “The journey is more important than the destination.” Friendship is not defined by the destination (awards and recognition) but by the journey (coffee and conversation).
It is evident that the transformation of a friendship does not happen quickly. We should not expect to be swept away to a mountaintop to witness a great transfiguration. Instead, we should acknowledge and appreciate each ordinary moment. Our friendships will grow when we pause with the other person and reflect upon the times we allowed the Holy Spirit to push us at each moment during the journey. By growing more attentive to the Holy Spirit, we can better welcome the push in the future. Much like in the example of the festival, the friendship between Reverend Steve and Father Martin was transformed into the shalom of God (a friendship of virtue), which began in the shared desire of institutional peace (the friendships of usefulness and pleasure). They allowed the Holy Spirit to push them through the virtue they shared.
In our friendships, our initial goals (use and pleasure) can also become transformed by the Holy Spirit into a virtuous goal; this goal of virtuous friendship is fulfillment. In fulfillment, the two previous goals are still active, but only as byproducts of fulfillment. Neither of these goals is intrinsically immoral, but they are far from constituting a lasting or fulfilling friendship.
This somewhat abstract theology is easier to understand when we observe our own relationships. Think about a person with whom you share the sentiment “I love you.” My wife immediately comes to mind for me. Who is this person in your life? I start by reflecting on the relationship I had with my wife before we vocalized the love (charity) that we shared. We did simple things together, such as ride bikes to the lake, walk around farmers’ markets, drink coffee, and thrift-shop. Now we just sit in old, worn chairs, devoting our love to each other and sitting in perfect harmony. Just kidding! We still do all the same things that we did before. But something has changed. These activities have been transformed. We drink coffee and thrift-shop with a shared understanding of each other. We still seek out the goals of use and pleasure, but not as our ultimate end. Our end is fulfillment, or, according to Aquinas, charity; and the more we strive for the goal, the closer we become.
Our new goal is unlike the previous two because it cannot be achieved in its entirety. It is impossible to say, “Now, at this very moment, I have become virtuous.” While we are still citizens of this earth (unlike the type of fulfillment we will encounter when we are united in true charity with the Trinity in heaven), fulfillment is not like the destination of a journey, where friends can eventually arrive. Instead, we learn from the philosophy of Alasdair MacIntyre, renowned professor of philosophy at the University of Notre Dame, that “the good life for man is the life spent in seeking for the good life for man.”15 (Recall, “The journey is more than the destination.”) We become virtuous in this life by trying to be virtuous, and we are pushed farther when we allow ourselves to be pushed. We become virtuous in this life by trying to be virtuous, and we are pushed farther when we allow ourselves to be pushed. Similarly, we become charitable when we seek charity. Virtue begets virtue. On this virtuous journey, we learn that we must remain attentive to the movement of the Holy Spirit in each small moment in daily life. This is more effective than spending every minute dreaming about some abstract destination. So take the first step in this journey. Remember that trying to be virtuous is a sign of true virtue.
How #1: Plan and Execute a Road Trip with Friends.
Turn to page 148.
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