FLAUNT!. Lora Cheadle

and hiding essential pieces of our personality.

      No matter how we were raised, many of us still equate our inherent goodness, or badness, with the feedback we receive from others. It is from this place of guilt and shame that we learn that, in order to be successful, we need to judge ourselves stringently against external standards, always striving to do more, because otherwise we will never be good enough.

      This classic base layer of childhood indoctrination, woven from shame, fear, and judgment and stitched together with a healthy dose of “or else,” is the garment many of us have worn close to our hearts for so long that we may not even be aware that it’s there. We spend the rest of our lives mired in self-judgment, shame, and the subtle feeling of unworthiness, without knowing why.

      When we FLAUNT! we strip out of this base layer, and we set ourselves free.

       Field Trip: “I’ll Tell You What I Want, What I Really, Really Want”

      As adults, many of us have no idea what we want. Especially high achievers. Those of us who move competently into our heads, successfully performing tasks and fulfilling our responsibilities to a T. Those of us who are adept at doing all that we “must” do in order to succeed often forget how to move into our hearts, tune in to ourselves, and articulate what we want. We get so conditioned to responding with the “right” answer that we forget to answer with the truth.

      I’m guessing that, like most kids, at times you covered your beliefs, went along with popular opinion, and pretended to like something you didn’t. Or perhaps you tried to impress another by being someone you weren’t. Maybe you didn’t want to be perceived as difficult or rock the boat. Or maybe it was because you weren’t really sure what you wanted.

      Although we all have different childhood experiences, for this exercise I want you to go back to a place and time when you were naked, before you learned to cover and hide yourself, to remember everything that brought your heart and soul pure, creative joy. You know, before socialization and indoctrination kicked in! This exercise focuses on the fun, positive, and creative aspects of play. You are not digging into trauma; you’re digging into joy, and you are doing it by taking a field trip!

      Think of places you enjoyed as a child and, like a good caregiver would, plan a field trip for yourself so you can reconnect with play and the activities that brought you joy. If you loved playing with toys and using your imagination to create elaborate scenarios, plan a field trip to the most captivating toy store you can find. The reason for this exercise is to reexperience how you felt playing, using your senses to explore toys, so get out there and experience play! If you loved dolls, go to the dolls. If you were into games, peruse the games.

      Look at the toys. Notice their colors and packaging. Pick them up and see how they feel in your hands. Touch them. Feel their texture and weight. Smell them. Do you remember the scent of doll hair, crayons, or glue? Listen to the sounds they make and remember how you played. What story lines would you create? Imagine taking a boat in the bathtub with you now. Would you sail it around, plunging it in and out of the water? Is it a struggle to remember how to play and what to do?