Seek Help
Notifying Your Husband and Serving the Divorce Papers
Divorcing a Narcissist
Establishing the Marital Standard of Living
Consider Working Remotely
Be the Grown-Up — Protect Your Children from Conflict
Understanding the Family Home as a Marital Asset
Essentials v. Nonessentials — Identify Priorities and Eliminate Nonessentials
Preparing Your Financial Disclosures
Handling a Bullying Partner During Your Divorce
How to Handle the Suddenly Income-Deficient Spouse (SIDS)
Vocational Examination — What It Is and When to Use It
Deciding What to Do about the Family Home
How to Handle Children Who Act Out
Moving Through the Grieving Process During Divorce
Chapter 5: Getting What You Need
Temporary Support — How to Get What You Need
Attorney Fees — Getting an Order for Your Husband to Pay
Launch Your Own Business
Parenting Plan — Making a Parenting Plan That Works for You and Your Kids
Handling Your Emotions When Selling Your Home
Cultivate the Healing Power of Gratitude
Negotiate from a Position of Strength
Mediation — How to Get What You Want
How a Forensic Accountant Can Help
Get to Work — How Your Job Affects a Settlement
How to Negotiate an Effective Parenting Plan
Get Appraised
Radical Acceptance — Accept What Is Within Your Power to Change
Preparation of the Final Divorce Decree
Dividing Retirement Benefits
Take Control of Your Finances
Crank Up the Income — Insist on What You’re Worth
How to Handle the New Girlfriend
Downsizing — When Less Is More
Grit — Essential for Success
Finalize the Paperwork and Organize Your Affairs
How to Avoid Ending Up Back in Court
How to Use Social Media to Increase Your Business
Effective Coparenting
At Home in Your Home
Be Better, Not Bitter
My Hope for Readers
Not long ago, I was in your shoes. I experienced the demise of my marriage, and it felt as though my life was over. Everything that I had dreamed of came to an abrupt end, and on the worst days, I literally didn’t know how I was going to make it through. I was sick, scared, and felt constantly under attack from my soon-to-be ex-husband and overwhelmed by the divorce proceedings as our marriage unraveled. I didn’t know where to turn.
In time, I learned that life could be better — much, much better. By combining my practical skills as a lawyer and an empowering healing practice, I found a way out of the chaos to take back my power and create a new and better life. In this book, I share what I learned with you, so that you, too, can create the life of your dreams. Divorce does not have to be the end of your life, and it does not have to be an endless, complicated undertaking. It is an opportunity for a new and better life, and I am here to show you how to make that a reality.
The First Essential Truth
Let’s start first with an essential truth: You cannot depend on your husband anymore to look out for your best interests. It is astounding how many women walk through the doors of my legal practice believing that, even as they are going through divorce, their husband can be trusted to “do the right thing” for them. These women assume that, since they are trying to “do the right thing,” their husband will do so as well. Every woman I have represented has experienced that “aha” moment of awareness — that he’s no longer looking out for you. This isn’t “man-bashing.” There are plenty of good and honest fellows out there. But it is a fact that, during a divorce, the man who once promised to put you first is no longer doing that. The sooner you accept this inconvenient truth, the sooner you will be on your way to regaining your power and building a better life.
Like so many women, I gave up a lot of power to my husband during our marriage. I let him handle the finances and trusted him to look out for the family’s best interest, including mine and that of our three children. In my twenties and thirties, I worked as a litigator at a big corporate law firm, but I gave up my career to raise the kids. My husband — also a lawyer — did very well, and we had a good life. We lived in a beautiful beachside town, belonged to a private country club, and took vacations to Hawaii and ski trips with our friends. After sixteen years of marriage, however, things began to change — and I chose to ignore the signs because I wanted everything to continue just as it was. As things worsened, I did what most women do: took my husband to a marriage counselor, hoped for the best, and let him continue to handle our finances the way he always had.
I want you to know that virtually every woman who has walked through the doors of my office has had some version of this same story: “We just didn’t want to see the truth about what was happening, and then one day it was too late.” In the legal world this is called “willful blindness.”
In my case, my willful blindness ended late one Tuesday night in April, a few weeks after our son’s baseball team, coached by my husband, won the Little League championship, and we hosted a wonderful party for all the kids and team parents. Late that Tuesday night, I learned that my marriage was broken beyond repair. After two years in marriage counseling, I finally came to the realization that we could no longer remain married, although I loved him deeply and wanted nothing more than to save our marriage.
I tell this story to let you know that if you are in the same place — going