“I love you, Judith.” Joshua petted her head and was angry at the same time.
Sarah joined the two of them and put her hands on their heads. “Judith, help your sister with the bowls.”
Judith jumped up, gave her brother a kiss on the scarred cheek and teased her sister as so often instead of helping her.
“Joshua, don’t be sad or angry toward your father. He does not know what he does.” She kissed him on the forehead. “I know that you have pain in your soul and can not understand that you have a father like that. He does not intend to be that way, he loves you, even if he is not able to show it.”
“So love is pain?”
“No, that’s not the right way to put it.”
“I don’t understand that.”
“Your father just has a rather unusual way of expressing his love. He only wants the best for you.”
“He praises the other boys in school and beats me. This is supposed to be in my best interest?”
“Sometimes love has to be strict.”
“Mother, I don’t understand that.” Joshua wanted to be angry, but was too tired for that. He simply felt exhausted. “Our writings say that children should honor their parents. But how am I supposed to honor him like this?”
“Joshua, go to bed now. You do know that I love you?” She kissed him on the forehead again.
“Yes, I love you too mother, but I still do not understand it. “
“Don’t let it get you down my son“, she whispered to him before he disappeared into his bedroom.
Today Joshua only wanted to be alone. He lied down and took the wooden figure into his hand. It was olive wood. He loved the smell of the olive and of the oil that was prepared from it. Was the cross a piece of the olive tree up on the hill?
Then he recalled the talk between his mother and Miriam. What had Miriam said today? He had heard that Yeshua was the Messiah. His soul believed it although it was an unheard of presumption. He wanted to keep his thoughts to himself from now on. Yeshua was to be the only exception, for he trusted him without reservation although he did not know him at all. He looked forward to tomorrow, when his new friend would visit him again. No matter whether Messiah or not, Jesus was a nice person. Joshua fell asleep with these thoughts, and dreamed of a quickly moving star over Mt. Tabor.
∞
“Mother, why does Joshua have such a difficult father?” Jesus had become very sad once they had returned home. The atmosphere in the home of the rabbi had clearly deeply moved him.
“I saw how dark his soul was. And I am afraid that the soul of his father is even darker.”
“Jesus, everyone has chosen something very special for their life.” Miriam was preparing the evening meal, but loved it when her son spent time with her then and asked questions as he did now.
In these moments it seemed to Jesus, that the answers were simply given to her thoughts, without her knowing where they came from. Her expression revealed to him that she was sometimes surprised about what she said herself.
“No person before and no person afterwards will be able to live this life the way one has chosen to. The life of Joshua may be somewhat harder than that of other children, but you know that God our Lord puts thought into everything that happens. And at some point in time Joshua will have grown through the suffering that he momentarily has to endure through his father and then he will realize that the suffering was the best thing that could have happened to him for the development of his soul.”
Jesus had a wise mother. He could seldom observe this among women. Women could love deeper than men, but love paired with wisdom fascinated him and he was grateful that he had Miriam. After all his father was not always an easy case to deal with. Although Joseph was not as brutal as Samuel, as one could observe at the welcoming celebration, he often was too naive and simply started talking without considering whether it was appropriate. Jesus still had a hard time accepting that Joseph was the way he was. His idea of a father was someone whom he could lean up against, who gave him wise advice, that he was loved, and sometimes also disciplined, but such a father who told the whole village that his son was the Messiah, that was truly very short-sighted. Ah well, now it had happened.
His older brothers Judah und Jossi, who had lived with Samuels sister up until now, now always joined the rest of the family at the shared meals. They were already fifteen and sixteen. However there often was not much time to get to know them for this evening, as he frequently did, Joseph went to the workshop with them to complete some jobs.
Since their return to Nazareth they had more work. The jobs all come from Sepphoris, for there was an enormous amount of construction activity going on there and every construction worker was urgently needed. Thus Joseph, Jossi and Judah where in Sepphoris several days each week, as the Romans were building more and more temples for their idols. Shortly before their arrival in Nazareth a theater had even been created in the capital of Galilee. The stone works were done in Sepphoris, but Joseph could prepare the woodworks at home where he had all of equipment. There were no jobs to be done in Nazareth. Almost all of the inhabitants still took care to avoid the construction worker family. After all the end of the celebration had left many a trace of horror and many were still shocked, for even those less strictly religious had never experienced such a presumption.
When Jesus disappeared into his bedroom in the evening he was very sad again and felt drained. Jesus had much to think about. Sometimes he was not able to do anything else, for he also picked up on many thoughts that wanted to enter his soul from outside. He also at times saw dark evil creatures that mocked him, spat at him and gave him evil grins. Why oh why did he see those entities? He had often asked his mother why he saw such demons but she could not give him any answer except that it belonged to part of his life experience.
This evening the attacks of those demons were very strong again. The day had robbed him of a lot of energy, and especially the short visit at Joshua’s had been very draining. There he had sensed that his father in heaven transferred powers onto Joshua through Jesus’ pure presence that were so strong that his friend would certainly be free of his pains by this evening. He felt an overwhelming energy flow through his hands when he placed them on Joshua’s shoulders. But he had been so weakened by this that he only was able to ward off the pursuant attacks through prayers. He needed quite some time before his prayers showed any effect. This showed in the light around him becoming brighter and brighter until the demons could no longer remain in that brightness and eventually had to leave him alone. Then he wrote down his thoughts from the day and blew out the oil lamp. Not a minute later Jesus had fallen asleep and dreamt of a star that quickly moved across the horizon above Mt. Tabor.
What a day yesterday! If these battles with the demons continue like this, I don’t know if I will make it to my next birthday. These grotesque faces that I always see seem to be very evil. Fortunately I have learned from Bakenor how to deal with that. Prayers always help, even if I become very tired and exhausted that way. I am even still very tired this morning. I would most like to simply stay in bed. Father, why does this all exhaust me so much? At times I feel as old as Joseph. Do these battles cost me so much strength? Will these battles always continue? Are they important for my future life? Why do I not observe this dark energy as much with other people as with me?
It was nice at Joshua’s yesterday. He was really happy about the cross. Hopefully he is doing better now. Father, have a watchful eye over him. He needs your love. So be it.
A Representative of the Great and Holy Lineage
It was night again in Nazareth. As usual a peaceful yet serious atmosphere pervaded the spaceship which was stationed somewhere in the