In the Darkroom. Susan Faludi. Читать онлайн. Newlib. NEWLIB.NET

Автор: Susan Faludi
Издательство: HarperCollins
Серия:
Жанр произведения: Биографии и Мемуары
Год издания: 0
isbn: 9780008193515
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       9. Ráday 9

       PART II

       10. Something More and Something Other

       11. A Lady Is a Lady Whatever the Case May Be

       12. The Mind Is a Black Box

       13. Learn to Forget

       14. Some Kind of Psychic Disturbance

       15. The Grand Hotel Royal

       16. Smitten in the Hinder Parts

       17. The Subtle Poison of Adjustment

       18. You’re Out of the Woods

       19. The Transformation of the Patient Is Without a Doubt

       PART III

       20. Pity, O God, the Hungarian

       21. All the Female Steps

       22. Paid Up

       23. Getting Away with It

       24. The Pregnancy of the World

       25. Escape

       Footnotes

       About the Author

       Also by Susan Faludi

       About the Publisher

       PREFACE

       Logo Missing

       In Pursuit

      In the summer of 2004 I set out to investigate someone I scarcely knew, my father. The project began with a grievance, the grievance of a daughter whose parent had absconded from her life. I was in pursuit of a scofflaw, an artful dodger who had skipped out on so many things—obligation, affection, culpability, contrition. I was preparing an indictment, amassing discovery for a trial. But somewhere along the line, the prosecutor became a witness.

      What I was witness to would remain elusive. In the course of a lifetime, my father had pulled off so many reinventions, laid claim to so many identities. “I’m a Hungaaaarian,” my father boasted, in the accent that survived all the shape shifts. “I know how to faaaake things.” If only it were that simple.

      “Write my story,” my father asked me in 2004—or rather, dared me. The intent of the invitation was murky. “It could be like Hans Christian Andersen,” my father said to me once, later, of our biographical undertaking. “When Andersen wrote a fairy tale, everything he put in it was real, but he surrounded it with fantasy.” Not my style. Nevertheless, I took up the dare with a vengeance, and with my own purposes in mind.

      Despite the overture, my father remained a refractory subject. Most of the time our collaboration resembled a game of cat and mouse, a game the mouse generally won. My father, like that other Hungarian, Houdini, was a master of the breakout. For my part, I kept up the chase. I had cast myself as a posse of one, tracking my father’s many selves to their secret recesses. I was intent on writing a book about my father. It wasn’t until the summer of 2015, after I’d worked my way through many drafts and submitted the manuscript, and after my father had died, that I realized how much I’d also been writing it for my father, who, in my mind at least, had become my primary, imagined, and intended reader—with all the generosity and hostility that implies. It wasn’t an uncomplicated gift.

      “There are things in here that will be hard for you to take,” I warned in the fall of 2014, when I called to announce that I had a completed draft. I braced myself for the response. My father, who had made a career in commercial photography out of altering images and devoted a lifetime to self-alteration, would hate, I assumed, being depicted warts and all.

      “Waaall,” I heard after a silence. “I’m glad. You know more about my life than I do.” For once my father seemed pleased to be captured, if only on the page.