Our crises were severe enough that we had no option but to change. To start a process of complete rebuilding. Root and branch.
We’re passionate about the Nine Principles in this book because they’ve transformed our lives. That doesn’t mean we’re happy all the time, that we handle every situation perfectly, or that we’re saints. Far from it – we are, like every one of us, perfectly imperfect. But, when we’re willing to use them, WE’s principles give us access to a peace of mind and inner freedom that we’d never even dreamed was possible.
We aren’t doctors or therapists or priests. Our principal qualification is that we handle emotional pain so badly that we’ve been forced to look for answers. For over 20 years we’ve each searched for what works. The wisdom in this book isn’t ours; it’s distilled from a myriad of teachers far wiser. We are passing it on with gratitude and in the hope that others might gain comfort and meaning from it.
When both of us started walking this path we were cynical and resistant. But now, from our own experience, we know that transformation and happiness are possible and that miracles do actually happen. Hopefully you haven’t hit as bleak a patch as we both did, but wherever your starting point, if you follow this path you will experience profound changes.
I came to the journey that is contained in this book when I was a single parent of two boys working my dream job. I was a network news correspondent who got to tell the world about the issues I cared deeply about. Then one morning I woke up and realized I couldn’t go on. I called the news desk and said I was very sorry but I couldn’t come in – not that day and, as it turned out, not ever. Unsurprisingly, my life fell apart. I was diagnosed with severe depression and burnout. I began the journey I’d been avoiding for the previous 35 years – the journey to meet myself and to find a way of living that accorded with who I really was at my deepest level. I sought help and wisdom from numerous teachers, support groups and professionals. I met friends like Gillian who were seekers also. Today I am the same person, but I am so much happier. I have meaning, I have connection, I have people that I truly love in my life. Of course, I still hit patches of pain and difficulty, but I wake up each day excited to be alive.
The journey that these Nine Principles map out doesn’t ever end. But it contains truth. Truth that I know from my own life has the power to guide us away from doubt, depression and self-hatred, and for which I’m infinitely grateful.
JN
I think I started searching for some kind of deeper meaning to my life when I was in high school, but I don’t feel like I properly put solutions into practice until I was in college. By then I had turned to so many outside sources for comfort to deal with my fear and uncertainty, my sense of loneliness, confusion and feeling misunderstood about the world and my place in it that when I started practising some of these principles the effect was dramatic and life-changing. I suddenly felt a sense of stability and grounding, personal power and purpose, and am absolutely certain that had I not had that foundation when I then achieved what turned into international career success, I would simply not have been able to deal with it. That’s not to say that I have not struggled or handled things appallingly or turned for long stretches towards unhealthy ways of coping, but what I did learn in those initial years were tools for how to handle life’s hardships better. And on a daily basis I get to choose how my life plays out. How do I deal with this rejection, this grief, this fear? With these practices in my pocket, it’s my choice.
GA
You don’t have to take our word for it. Treat this journey as if it were a scientific experiment. See what happens if you practise the principles as they are laid out. If at the end of these chapters you don’t feel better, you can always have your old life back.
The Nine Principles in this book work.
Change is possible.
There’s no need to panic or feel overwhelmed. Nothing is asked of you now, other than that you read the book and give the principles within it a try. This is not another thing to add to your to-do list. It is a gateway to an inner freedom and a peace of mind that you may not have known was possible.
You have nothing to lose but your unhappiness, and the world has everything to gain.
‘Like life, peace begins with women. We are the first to forge lines of alliance and collaboration across conflict divides.’
ZAINAB SALBI
Imagine a sisterhood – across all creeds and cultures – an unspoken agreement that we, as women, will support and encourage each other. That we won’t seek to take advantage of another’s weakness, or sit in judgement of each other’s shortcomings. That we will remember we don’t know what struggles each of us may be facing elsewhere in our lives and so we’ll assume that each of us is doing our best. That we will do the work to heal ourselves so that together we can create a more compassionate world.
PART 1
‘You change the world by changing yourself.’
YOKO ONO
You are at the start of a miraculous journey. The Nine Principles within these pages will change your life.
As with any expedition, before you set out you need to get prepared. The essentials in this section are vital for your well-being and will ensure you get the most out of WE’s principles.
On this journey you’ll be engaged in emotional archaeology – digging down beneath layers of hurt and protection and confronting deep emotional truths to reconnect with your true self. You’ll be dismantling the parts of yourself that no longer serve you and transforming your relationship with yourself and the world around you.
These Essential Practices will hold you steady as you do the work. The extraordinary thing about them is that they do far more than just provide you with support for the journey ahead. Each one is also a powerful agent for change in its own right.
Like the principles that follow, these practices are a distillation of what works within innumerable traditions. When they’re used together, you’ll discover that an alchemy takes place that produces astonishing changes. In fact, if all you feel ready to do right now is introduce these four healthy habits into your life, you will be amazed by the miracles that start to flow immediately.
Taking care of yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually is a profoundly political act. As women, many of us have been conditioned to be caretakers, to measure our worth by how much we do for others. But when we sublimate our own needs we risk ending up dependent on others and vulnerable on many levels as a result.
Martyrdom is for saints. Real women have needs and real giving comes from a place of plenty, not a place of lack. Self-denial only sets us up for failure.
Self-care is even more crucial if you have