‘Oh, you poor thing,’ she clucked sympathetically. ‘You must have a stomach bug. I’ll get this mess cleaned up and you go back to bed.’
The next morning, I could barely lift my head off the pillow. My mouth was dry and sticky and my head was still throbbing. Mum opened the curtains and sunlight poured through the window. It hurt my eyes so much I pulled the covers over my head. The vodka had given me a much worse hangover than I was used to with cider.
‘How are you feeling?’ she asked.
‘Terrible,’ I groaned. ‘I’m not going to school today.’
‘Probably a good idea,’ Mum said. ‘Best not to spread your germs.’
From then on, I chilled with Nadine most nights. I still saw Lynsey occasionally, but a few months after I met Nadine the council moved Elaine to another house. Lynsey and the boys went there sometimes, but by this point someone had told Mum that Elaine took cocaine all the time. She went mad, telling me I wasn’t allowed to help with her kids any more. Before, I’d have put up a fight, but now that I had Nadine to hang around with, I didn’t need my old mates so much. It sounds bad, but I was just a kid and all caught up in this new, exciting friendship.
Nadine would meet me at the pub or the park after school. Sometimes she’d invite some of her mates from school, but mainly it was just the two of us. Nadine would usually steal a bottle of spirits from behind a bar or help herself to some money from her mum’s purse so we could get someone to buy us cider, vodka or MD 20/20 – cheap fortified wine better known in these parts as ‘Mad Dog’. We’d drink anything, as long as it didn’t cost much and it got us pissed quickly.
I didn’t think it was a big deal that Nadine stole from people. I just thought it was cool that she had the guts and she never seemed to get caught. Her parents must have noticed money going missing, but she never mentioned it. As for the bottles of booze from the pub, the place was full of dodgy characters so Nadine was never the prime suspect any time Carole noticed something had disappeared.
Nadine and I didn’t do much apart from smoke and drink, either in the school playground or at the local park. It was all we had in common, really, but that didn’t seem to matter. There was nothing else to do anyway. The police would often drive past us and I’m sure they knew what we were up to, but they didn’t seem bothered. They probably thought we were just a nuisance and that stopping to tell us off was more hassle than it was worth. Most of the time Mum would still be working when I got home and Mark and Robert never said anything about my drinking. If Mum was in, I went straight to bed, hoping she wouldn’t notice I was slurring my words and unsteady on my feet.
The only nights I didn’t see Nadine were when she was with her boyfriend. She talked about him lots and said his name was Amir. I didn’t ask too many questions as I was scared of saying something silly. I knew nothing about having a proper, grown-up boyfriend. To me, it seemed years away. I wondered if I’d ever get to meet Amir, but I assumed Nadine was too embarrassed to introduce us. After all, he was even older than Nadine. She said he’d left school ages ago, so I guessed he must be seventeen, maybe even eighteen. She was probably scared I’d make her look babyish.
But one night, we were walking to the playground, clutching our bottles of cider, when Nadine’s mobile phone started buzzing in her pocket. Her face lit up when she glanced at the screen. Over her shoulder, I saw that Amir’s name had flashed up. The conversation was short.
‘Okay,’ she said. ‘See you soon.’ She hung up and a smile spread across her face.
‘What is it?’ I asked.
‘Oh, Amir’s going to come and chill with us,’ she replied. ‘He’s bringing some mates. You’ll like them.’
Chapter Four
When I first saw Amir and his friends standing in the playground, I was a bit confused. I recognised them straight away. There was a big group of Asian men who hung around outside my school, and I’d often seen them there at the end of the day. I’d never felt threatened by them, but I knew they were much older than I was. They must have been at least thirty.
‘Hey,’ Amir said casually, as Nadine and I pushed through the front gate. ‘Who’s this, then?’
I shot Nadine a bewildered look, but she pretended not to notice. Surely this couldn’t be her boyfriend? He almost looked old enough to be her dad. Plus, Nadine had told me he was really fit, and this guy just looked a bit scruffy. He was really short, with messy black hair and stubble that looked days old.
‘This is Sarah,’ Nadine said. I wasn’t sure why I felt uneasy as my eyes met Amir’s, but my stomach twisted uncomfortably.
‘Sarah,’ Amir echoed, taking a drag of the joint in his left hand. ‘I’m Amir. This is Rahim and Saif.’
I didn’t pay much attention to Saif, but Rahim wouldn’t stop looking at me. He was a bit scruffy too, but he was slightly better looking than Amir. If he hadn’t had a massive beard, he might even have been fit. Still, he made me feel weird. I wondered why he wouldn’t take his eyes off me and I wanted to tell him to stop, but I kept my mouth shut because I knew Nadine would tell me off if I showed her up.
‘How old are you, Sarah?’ Amir asked.
‘I’m fifteen,’ I replied, without thinking. ‘I’m the same age as Nadine.’
I expected Nadine and the men to burst out laughing. There was no way I looked fifteen. Baby-faced and flat-chested in my kids’ tracksuit, I was still very much a child. To my surprise, Nadine stayed silent as Rahim flashed Amir a smile.
Amir whispered something in Nadine’s ear and she giggled. Then he led her away to another part of the playground. I could feel the panic welling up inside me as I realised I was alone with Rahim and Saif. I wanted to plead with Nadine to stay, but I already sensed that doing what Amir wanted was way more important to her than looking out for me.
I took a big gulp of the cider Nadine had just bought me as I realised Rahim’s eyes were still boring into me.
‘You’re pretty, Sarah,’ he said. ‘I’ve noticed you around.’
The cider was beginning to make my brain feel cloudy, but even in my tipsy state I knew something didn’t add up.
‘Where have you seen me?’ I asked nervously.
‘Just around town,’ Rahim replied. I fixed my eyes on the ground so I didn’t have to make eye contact with him. It didn’t take a genius to work out where Rahim had seen me: coming out of school, while he was standing outside.
I’d never paid much attention to him or any of his friends before. In light of everything that has been reported by the media, it sounds silly – but back then it didn’t seem strange that there were always groups of Asian men gathered by the school gates. Lots of the kids in my class came from big Asian families and many of the men looked old enough to be their dads, while the younger men could easily have been uncles or older siblings. How was I to know what they were planning? Or why they were being so nice to me and what they wanted from me?
‘Are you a virgin, Sarah?’ Saif said. ‘I bet you’re not.’
I’d just taken another swig of cider and I almost spat it out in shock. Of course I was a virgin, I was still at primary school, but the question felt like a test and I wasn’t sure what the right answer was. Now I felt really uncomfortable. I looked over at where Nadine had gone but I couldn’t see her. I could feel the panic rising; why would they ask that?
‘Why do you want to know?’ I asked, bewildered.
‘We just do,’ said Rahim. He waited for my answer, but I stayed silent. ‘Well, are you?’
‘Yeah,’ I replied, my face burning scarlet