When we find that, for some reason, we cannot cope with a situation, this will leave our subconscious mind with a piece of negative information, with a memory trace of failure, and when the same or similar situation presents itself again, we will automatically assume that we are unable to cope. This assumption means that we are expecting things to go wrong again, we imagine ourselves incapable of handling the situation and, therefore, we will ultimately be unable to escape what we have imagined.
Note: Once the fact-memory-behaviour chain has been established, it works automatically.
There is, of course, also the possibility that you can no longer recall the incident itself, but you will nevertheless still experience the feeling that went with it as soon as you encounter a similar situation. You may well have forgotten that you were bitten by a dog at the age of two, but your subconscious mind will ‘remind’ you of the incident by emitting that feeling of fear that went with it at the time.
Feelings do not overcome us out of the blue, they are always linked to a real incident, which we may very well have forgotten, for whatever reason. The stronger the negative feeling that accompanied the event, the more likely it is that the incident has been repressed, that is, the more likely it is that we no longer remember it.
Note: Feelings that have been stored away in the memory will always be discharged as behaviour.
The good news is that the fact-memory-behaviour chain also works in a positive way. If you have been told that you are loved, even when you make mistakes, then your subconscious mind will register this information as a feeling of security, together with the message that you are loved no matter what, and you will then go and try out new things without being too frightened about the outcome because you know that, even if it does not work out, your sense of security and self-esteem will still be intact.
You will have noticed that I emphasise that information has to be given repeatedly before it takes root in the subconscious mind and that an incident has to be accompanied by a particularly strong emotion to impress itself on the subconscious and thus influence consequent behaviour.
These are points that are important to bear in mind:
Note: The more often a message is repeated, the deeper it is impressed on the subconscious.
Note: The stronger the emotion accompanying an event, the stronger that emotion is impressed on the subconscious.
Positive Thinking is making use of the suggestibility of your subconscious mind in a positive way. We have seen in the previous chapters that information passes from the conscious mind to the subconscious.
The subconscious mind does not reason, it does not judge whether the information is right or wrong, sensible or silly, true or false, it just stores it like a faithful servant, only to produce behaviour at a later stage that accords with the stored information.
If we want to influence our behaviour or our performance, we have to do so via our subconscious mind, and that means we have to select new, positive thoughts that we consciously and repeatedly feed into our conscious mind because repeated thoughts take root in the subconscious mind. Repeated negative thoughts will influence it negatively and negative results will materialise as thoughts, wishes and ideas are translated into reality by the subconscious mind. We have to turn these round so that positive behaviour results.
Note: The quality of your thoughts determines the quality of your life.
You really and truly are what you think. Consider the following situation. It is 7.30 a.m. You have just woken up. As you begin to open your eyes, your conscious mind slowly moves into gear and you begin to think about the day that lies in front of you. You think about a meeting you will have to attend in the morning where you have to concede that you were unable to solve a particularly urgent problem, and, on top of this, you will have to confront a troublesome customer in the afternoon. It is still 7.30 in the morning. Nothing has actually happened yet, but you are already in a bad mood.
I can hear loud cries of protest now of, ‘I would like to see you in my place, having to face that crowd of uncooperative half-wits!’, or, ‘If you’re so clever why don’t you come and try to deal with my customer! He does nothing but shout all the time!’, and so on. But, just a minute. I’m not denying that the meeting is difficult and your customer an awkward person, but what I am saying is that you will not do yourself any favours by being in a bad mood on top of all that, because that only makes things more difficult.
If you are in a bad mood, you are simply not at your best. You are tense, irritable and, therefore, out of control. You cannot concentrate, you are frightened and you feel panicky. And, of course, the story does not end there. Because you are in a bad mood, you may be particularly monosyllabic or grumpy at breakfast, which is not going to endear you to the family. You will be a touch unfriendly with your colleagues at work who, in turn, will possibly comment on your mood and that will really get your back up (‘Why don’t they mind their own business?’) – and then the meeting is postponed until next week. This is possibly the worst thing that could happen, because it means that you will have another week’s worrying to do until it is finally over. Or, if the meeting does take place that day, you have already spent all your valuable energy on getting worked up. In the evening you will go home, exhausted, kick the dog and wonder whether you are really being paid enough for this demanding job …
By this time, something should dawn on you. Yes, I’m going to say it: you are responsible for wasting your energy in this manner – it is not the job, it is you! It was your negative thinking first thing in the morning that got you started on the wrong track.
There is nothing you can do about certain events in your life – meetings will occur, customers will sometimes be difficult – but you can certainly do something about the way you choose to look at these events. By putting yourself into a positive frame of mind, you will not only feel better within yourself, but you will also cope better with the event, and, above all, you will influence your environment positively. People like being with a relaxed, happy person and your positive attitude will soon be reflected in the way other people treat you.
Note: Whatever you send out to others will come back to you like a boomerang.
The above note is true – always. It is just a matter of time before you reap what you have sowed. This is true for all areas, be it in private life or business.
Being positive means being open and friendly. It does not mean being anybody’s doormat. It means saying what you want and going for it. It does not mean being a bully. Being positive means consciously choosing to look on the bright side. It does not mean seeing the world through unrealistic rose-tinted spectacles. Being positive means liking yourself and others, it means taking an interest in the people around you.
Note: A person who is interested is interesting.
Being positive means worrying less and enjoying more, choosing to look at the good side rather than filling your mind with gloom and doom, choosing to be happy rather than unhappy. It is your foremost duty to make sure that you feel good within yourself.
Note: It is of fundamental importance that you look after yourself and work on achieving happiness