‘Nice,’ I said.
And before I knew it, I was being taken on a tour of her house.
A TOUR OF HER HOUSE. A house that I basically GREW UP IN.
Eventually, we stopped in the kitchen.
‘So, this is the kitchen,’ she said.
Yes, I threw up in that vase, I thought.
‘Would you like a biscuit?’ she asked, holding out the tin.
‘Oh, no thanks, but thank you for offering,’ I said.
… No thanks?!
Thank you for offering?!
WHO AM I?!?!
I SO wanted the biscuit…but I was in this weird polite mode. As soon as I’d said no, I regretted it.
‘Shall we, um, play a board game?’ Gracie asked. I was still staring wistfully at the biscuit tin.
‘Er, yes, that sounds delightful,’ I said.
Delightful?
Then we went into the living room to play board games (which I let her win, obviously, because I value my life). It was all very…cordial. Almost stiff. Sort of like we were well-behaved Victorian children.
I guess nothing really bad happened, but it just never felt natural. I kept checking the clock and it wasn’t moving. Except it was moving, because I could hear it ticking. There were the kind of awkward silences you can actually hear and we had to keep reviving the conversation with small-talk CPR. The whole time I was thinking about the biscuit.
Eventually, her dad caught me raiding the biscuit tin with a crazed look in my eye. I gave some excuse about having to leave and quickly got out of the house.
Now I’m walking home in disgrace, pulling crumbs out of my hair.
Evidence: Friend dates can be just as awkward as romantic dates.
Seriously, I was nervous about this…but I really did think friend-dating would be easier!!! I mean, I know for a fact that Gracie’s not going to lunge at my face when I’m least expecting it, or attempt to cuddle me when I’m trying to consume snacks. The threat of teeth bumping has been removed. I don’t have to worry about whether my hands are sweaty or whether I’ve eaten garlic. And still, with all of that stuff gone, I can barely have a coherent conversation?! With someone I’ve known and hung out with nearly every day for five years?!
How is that even possible?!?!
Ugh, one failed attempt to make a new friend and one failed endeavour to hang out with an old one. This whole ‘spread the platonic love’ thing is NOT going as planned. Now I feel lonelier than ever.
posted by EditingEmma 17.07
Faith got back from holiday yesterday, so we’re all going out to see some fireworks.
‘Do you know if Claudia’s coming?’ I asked Steph.
‘I asked Faith, she said it’s too soon.’
‘Eugh, WHAT.’
‘They have only been on two dates…’
‘But…but…I want to her meet her!’
‘I think your eagerness is only making it less likely.’
‘What?! I can be cool!’
‘Yeah, the twelve hundred pictures I have of you photobombing me and Andy really prove that.’
‘Point taken.’
‘Andy’s coming anyway, and a couple of his mates.’
‘Does that mean Meathead Babs?’ I asked, with trepidation.
‘Unfortunately, yes,’ she answered.
posted by EditingEmma 20.18
At the Display
Having so much fun watching the fireworks. At least I would be, if it wasn’t for Meathead Babs’ loud guffawing.
‘What is so funny about fireworks?!’ I whispered to Steph.
‘I have no idea,’ she said.
posted by EditingEmma 20.27
Mystery solved. Just heard Babs say on the phone, ‘No really, mate, they looked exactly like your jizz, that time we ate all that food colouring at Gav’s.’
posted by EditingEmma 23.37
A Breakthrough Moment
Back home now, and I think I might have actually had a breakthrough moment with Gracie!!
All evening, I thought I saw her looking a bit uncomfortable at times. My first clue was when Steph and Andy were in front of us, using a filter where Steph’s head looked GIGANTIC and Andy had four noses, and Gracie smiled but didn’t laugh. I mean, if someone isn’t laughing at face-contorting Snapchats, there must be something wrong.
Then I noticed she kept staring at her phone, not really getting involved in conversation. I was wondering what was up, and then I remembered it was probably the first time she’d been out with Steph and Andy together. I know she said she was fine with it, but it’s probably going to take some getting used to… I mean, if I’m feeling weird about this, it must be ten times weirder for Gracie.
THEN came the breakthrough moment. Faith was smiling goofily at her phone, at what I’m assuming were messages from Claudia. Meathead Babs was busy pretending to lick his hot dog in an erotic manner. Steph and Andy were taking a selfie. Just as I was about to jump into the perfect Emma-sized gap between their heads, I noticed Gracie looking a bit lost and small.
It was like everything went slo-mo. I knew I had a big decision to make. Continue to photobomb Steph, or go and actually be a good friend. Such…tough…life…decisions…
The camera clicked. Without me. (Obviously, I photoshopped myself in as soon as I got home, but I’m halfway on the road to recovery.) If I was really serious about making my friendship with Gracie work, I was going to have to try harder than one awkward game of Scrabble.
‘Hey, let’s go over here,’ I said, putting my hand on her shoulder.
‘Why?’ She practically jumped out of her skin. ‘Where are you taking me?’
‘I’m abducting you, obviously.’
‘Seriously, where are we going?!’
‘For the love of God, I’m not Willie Thomas!!!’
Eventually we got away from the group. She shrugged at me.
‘What’s going on?’ she asked.
I took a deep breath. ‘Are you OK? You know, about Andy and Steph?’ I gabbled.
She looked a bit taken aback.
‘Yeah. Fine. Why?’
‘You just seemed a bit…maybe not fine?’
She crossed her arms. ‘Did Steph send you? Are you going to go back and talk about how possessive and uptight I’m being?’
It was my turn to look taken aback.
‘What?! NO! I just thought you might be feeling weird, which would be completely understandable.’
Her shoulders relaxed a bit, then, and her face softened.
‘And