I nodded like I knew. Which I absolutely don’t, because I don’t have any siblings. Would it be the same to imagine a friend dating my mum…? GROSS. NO. TOTALLY NOT THE SAME. GETOUTGETOUTGETOUT.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ I asked.
‘I don’t know,’ she started cautiously. ‘Like, it’s nice in a way, I mean it would be nice if Steph came to our family events and things…’
‘That would be fun,’ I said.
‘Yeah. I mean…it will be nice for a while. But they’ll probably break up, right? And then what will happen? Will Steph still want to come round mine?’
‘Probably jumping ahead a bit.’
‘Yeah, but, it’s true, right?’
‘Well… There might be some potential awkwardness if they break up.’
Gracie sighed.
‘But I think that’s all it is…just awkwardness,’ I continued. ‘It wouldn’t actually damage your friendship with Steph or your relationship with Andy. Their relationship is their thing.’
Gracie nodded, but she didn’t seem convinced.
‘Is this what’s bothering you?’ I carried on. ‘Their potential break-up?’
‘No, I mean, there is that… But it’s more like… I don’t know.’
‘What?’
She chewed her lip.
‘I would never say this to Steph, so please don’t repeat this.’
‘I won’t.’
‘Do you swear?’
‘I swear!’
‘But you tell Steph everything.’
‘I won’t tell her, I promise!’
She paused.
‘What if I become less important to both of them, than they are to each other? That would be awful. I’d feel left out at home, at school… I guess, I don’t know, this relationship just invades my life from all angles.’
She put her head down, covering her face in rivulets of red hair. Suddenly I had an urge I’d never had before… To hug her. I mean, we’ve hugged before, but I mean really hug her. Squeeze her.
‘GRACIE,’ I shouted. ‘That is so not even a tiny, weeny possibility! Andy is your brother, your blood. Blood! Blood! BLOOD!’
‘Please stop shouting “blood”.’
‘And Steph is one of your best friends!’ I carried on.
She looked up at me, through her hair.
‘Don’t get me wrong,’ I said. ‘They’re going to have a, um, different bond with each other than they do with you. But not more important. No way.’
She looked at me all vulnerable and bushbaby-eyed.
‘Do you really think so?’
‘YES. Of course!’
She nodded.
‘Thanks,’ she said. ‘You know, I actually feel lots better.’
I thought about going for the squeeze-hug, then, but I thought it was still probably a bit premature. So I just linked my arm through hers and we went back over to the group.
‘What were you guys doing?’ asked Steph.
‘Oh, er… ’ I looked at Gracie, who stared back at me with pleading eyes.
‘Just checking out the cute hot-dog guy,’ Gracie finished.
Steph frowned, glancing at the hot-dog guy (who was in his fifties and sporting a handlebar moustache), but didn’t ask any more questions. She turned back to Andy.
‘Thank you,’ mouthed Gracie. And she smiled at me.
And now I’m in bed, still thinking about the talk and the smile and the fact she actually seemed better after our chat. I feel kind of…warm? About Gracie. Warm about me and Gracie. Huh.
posted by EditingEmma 11.07
I Don’t BELIEVE This
I just saw Crazy Holly posting about an email she’d got from the school, and how excited she was to try out her designs for ‘banana shoes’ in the fashion show.
I DIDN’T GET ANY EMAIL!
Rang Steph.
‘I don’t believe this,’ I said. ‘Did you see Holly’s post?’
‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘What do you think banana shoes means? Like, shaped like a banana? Or made out of actual banana?’
‘STEPH. Please focus on the matter in hand. I signed up for that, and I’ve not heard a peep!’
She laughed. ‘Chill out, Emma. They probably just missed you off by accident.’
‘Oh yeah sure, an accident. I can’t believe I finally put myself forward for something at school and I’m getting rejected. Rejected by teachers. Seriously, this really is an all-time low. This is psychologically scarring.’
Steph paused.
‘Maybe you just didn’t make the cut, Emma. I mean, when you’re competing against banana shoes…’
She is so unhelpful. Anyway, I’ve sent Ms Parker a strongly worded email. Let’s see what she has to say for herself.
posted by EditingEmma 13.15
Email from Ms Parker:
Oh, I thought you were joking. Have added you to the list!
P.S. Don’t even think about missing the first meeting.
It’s really no wonder ‘the youth of today’ are all struggling with their self-confidence, is it, when the people supposed to be inspiring and encouraging them show so little faith.
posted by EditingEmma 14.56
Friendship Progress
I have just officially received a message from Gracie. Not in ‘Strengthening our Womanly Bonds,’ but in our private thread.
Our private thread which has not had a message in it since eight months ago, when I asked her if she’d remembered her ingredients for FT, and she said yes, and I said please can I cut off half your avocados and use them as mine, no one will notice, and she said no.
So do you want to maybe come over later? 14.44
I’m still looking at the message sitting there. It feels like a message from an alien. But I’m going to say yes. I really, really hope it goes better than last time.
posted by EditingEmma 22.16
A Friendship Reborn
That was a very, very strange evening. But I think…I think it was good. I think it was really good.
When I first got there it was much the same as last time. We played board games and I continued to let her win. We made small talk. I was just starting to despair that we’d ever be properly at ease with each other alone, and wondering if that magical moment of closeness on Bonfire Night