The “Applying What You Have Learned” sections at the end of some chapters are, of course, optional, but should be helpful and enjoyable. And the case studies provided are all of real parents and children, with the names and identifying details changed, of course.
Above all, I hope that you use this book with pleasure. Having an HSC is a great blessing. Yes, there are some complications because your child is “different,” but here is this book’s motto (it was mine even before I understood that my son was an HSC): To have an exceptional child you must be willing to have an exceptional child. You have one. And this book will teach you how to raise him to be not only exceptional, but healthy, loving, well-adjusted, and happy.
Is Your Child Highly Sensitive? A Parent’s Questionnaire
Please answer each question as best you can. Answer TRUE if it is true or at least moderately true of your child, or was for a substantial time in the past. Answer FALSE if it has not been very true of your child, or was never true.
My child …
| 1. | T | F | startles easily. |
| 2. | T | F | complains about scratchy clothing, seams in socks, or labels against his/her skin. |
| 3. | T | F | doesn’t usually enjoy big surprises. |
| 4. | T | F | learns better from a gentle correction than strong punishment. |
| 5. | T | F | seems to read my mind. |
| 6. | T | F | uses big words for his/her age. |
| 7. | T | F | notices the slightest unusual odor. |
| 8. | T | F | has a clever sense of humor. |
| 9. | T | F | seems very intuitive. |
| 10. | T | F | is hard to get to sleep after an exciting day. |
| 11. | T | F | doesn’t do well with big changes. |
| 12. | T | F | wants to change clothes if wet or sandy. |
| 13. | T | F | asks lots of questions. |
| 14. | T | F | is a perfectionist. |
| 15. | T | F | notices the distress of others. |
| 16. | T | F | prefers quiet play. |
| 17. | T | F | asks deep, thought-provoking questions. |
| 18. | T | F | is very sensitive to pain. |
| 19. | T | F | is bothered by noisy places. |
| 20. | T | F | notices subtleties (something that’s been moved, a change in a person’s appearance, etc.). |
| 21. | T | F | considers if it is safe before climbing high. |
| 22. | T | F | performs best when strangers aren’t present. |
| 23. | T | F | feels things deeply. |
Scoring
If you answered TRUE to thirteen or more of the questions, your child is probably highly sensitive. But no psychological test is so accurate that you should base how you treat your child on it. If only one or two questions are true of your child, but they are extremely true, you might also be justified in calling your child highly sensitive.
Chapter One
Sensitivity
A Better Light on “Shy” and “Fussy” Children
This chapter helps you decide if you have a highly sensitive child and explores the trait thoroughly. It also provides more knowledge about all of your child’s inherited temperament traits. Our goal will be to free you of any misconceptions you may have heard about sensitive children. Finally, we will distinguish high sensitivity from actual disorders (which it is not).
Well, if he were my child, he’d eat what was set before him.”
“Your daughter is so quiet—have you considered seeing a doctor about that?”
“He is so mature, so wise for his age. But he seems to think too much. Don’t you worry that he isn’t more happy and carefree?”
“Jodie’s feelings are so easily hurt. And she cries for other kids, too, when they are teased or hurt. And during the sad parts of stories. We don’t know what to do for her.”
“In my kindergarten class, everyone participates in group time, but your son refuses. Is he this stubborn at home?”
Are these sorts of comments familiar to you? They are to the parents I interviewed for this book. They had heard all sorts of well-intentioned comments like these from in-laws, teachers, other parents, and even mental health professionals. If you’ve received such comments, it is almost surely a sign that you