Behind the glass. Poetry. Brian Sheldon

so much

      Call me to sound.

      ***

      It hurts so much to admit it!

      When I wanted to dream again,

      When I wanted to break

      And smile! To dissolve

      When I wanted to forget my hurts.

      But so much blood

      I’m gone.

      ***

      You know what I realized?

      I don’t want a relationship.

      I don’t want to believe anything.

      I don’t want to feel.

      I don’t want to convince myself.

      I don’t want to get used to being alone.

      I don’t want to give up the fairy tale.

      And I want to live life.

      I care so much about this path.

      I don’t want to miss anything.

      I’d rather forget.

      I’d rather stop loving us.

      ***

      In the sky’s place

      She carried the tidings of sorrow with her.

      But she spoke well

      And something came to mind.

      A glass is broken

      And I’m drunk.

      About the sweet lady

      Who was always with me

      Forgotten parts

      – Movement of the day.

      Forgiving, searching.

      I’m not waiting for you.

      ***

      And no persuasion.

      And I’ve forgotten my faith.

      So write it down, what’s the big deal?!

      No sugar,

      How lucky I am.

      Will I remember?!

      That’s hilarious.

      Bad woman

      Let her suffer.

      ***

      I cut it open, I sewed it up.

      But how do I take it out?

      I forgot.

      Now it’s gonna bother me forever.

      Oh, oh, oh, I may never see you again.

      But it’s just a ribbon

      I won’t forget.

      Here’s a tear.

      ***

      One more time and it’s definitely over.

      It should go away.

      That’s not a good idea.

      You said hold it!

      Who knew what was ahead.

      But I haven’t decided for sure,

      I’m still going strong.

      And the moon is full of thoughts.

      Just two words

      – There she is.

      ***

      And I’ll read

      – I won’t answer

      I’ll make an evening of it.

      Maybe with a drop of wine

      An answer will come

      Where is she?

      Forgotten in your gloomy sorrow?

      Were you called somewhere?

      You’ve been so torn.

      Will you stop it?!

      And sleep is silent and it’s morning again.

      7:20…

      It doesn’t seem to be calling.

      ***

      Stacked and intertwined,

      I shelve them in my head.

      But the ribbon is not strong enough.

      I can’t wrap my hand around it.

      I’ll only look at it once.

      But I promised!

      I need a deadline.

      How? Will it work?

      Without a trace!

      But I’m still holding out my hand.

      ***

      Take it off the front page.

      Stack it in a shabby couch.

      Squeeze into a mattress.

      How are you?

      And only out of sight,

      And secretly read a book.

      If only I’d known sooner.

      I’d never remember!

      But I didn’t, and I don’t regret it.

      I wish, I hope, I just believe.

      ***

      Not the first time, I’m sure.

      I’m gonna start counting now.

      You were afraid you’d be swept away

      But I’m different in life.

      I want so much and desire so much.

      You look at me in the ashes

      And I shimmer for you

      Calling and looking and watching.

      You wouldn’t understand

      And I’m like this.

      ***

      Do you know how it works?

      And I’m always in doubt.

      But practice tells me

      That there’s no truth in my thoughts.

      There’s a blob of us

      And a train of thought

      You won’t believe it