“How many have you — how do you say it? — stayed with?”
“None.”
“You’re lying to me.”
“Yes.”
“It’s all right. Keep right on lying to me. That’s what I want you to do. Were they pretty?”
“I never stayed with any one.”
“That’s right. Were they very attractive?”
“I don’t know anything about it.”
“You’re just mine. That’s true and you’ve never belonged to any one else. But I don’t care if you have. I’m not afraid of them. But don’t tell me about them. When a man stays with a girl when does she say how much it costs?”
“I don’t know.”
“Of course not. Does she say she loves him? Tell me that. I want to know that.”
“Yes. If he wants her to.”
“Does he say he loves her? Tell me please. It’s important.”
“He does if he wants to.”
“But you never did? Really?”
“No.”
“Not really. Tell me the truth?”
“No,” I lied.
“You wouldn’t,” she said. “I knew you wouldn’t. Oh, I love you, darling.”
Outside the sun was up over the roofs and I could see the points of the cathedral with the sunlight on them. I was clean inside and outside and waiting for the doctor.
“And that’s it?” Catherine said. “She says just what he wants her to?”
“Not always.”
“But I will. I’ll say just what you wish and I’ll do what you wish and then you will never want any other girls, will you?” She looked at me very happily. “I’ll do what you want and say what you want and then I’ll be a great success, won’t I?”
“Yes.”
“What would you like me to do now that you’re all ready?”
“Come to the bed again.”
“All right. I’ll come.”
“Oh, darling, darling, darling,” I said.
“You see,” she said. “I do anything you want.”
“You’re so lovely.”
“I’m afraid I’m not very good at it yet.”
“You’re lovely.”
“I want what you want. There isn’t any me any more. Just what you want.”
“You sweet.”
“I’m good. Aren’t I good? You don’t want any other girls, do you?”
“No.”
“You see? I’m good. I do what you want.”
CHAPTER 17
When I was awake after the operation I had not been away. You do not go away. They only choke you. It is not like dying it is just a chemical choking so you do not feel, and afterward you might as well have been drunk except that when you throw up nothing comes but bile and you do not feel better afterward. I saw sandbags at the end of the bed. They were on pipes that came out of the cast. After a while I saw Miss Gage and she said, “How is it now?”
“Better,” I said.
“He did a wonderful job on your knee.”
“How long did it take?”
“Two hours and a half.”
“Did I say anything silly?”
“Not a thing. Don’t talk. Just be quiet.”
I was sick and Catherine was right. It did not make any difference who was on night duty.
There were three other patients in the hospital now, a thin boy in the Red Cross from Georgia with malaria, a nice boy, also thin, from New York, with malaria and jaundice, and a fine boy who had tried to unscrew the fuse-cap from a combination shrapnel and high explosive shell for a souvenir. This was a shrapnel shell used by the Austrians in the mountains with a nose-cap which went on after the burst and exploded on contact.
Catherine Barkley was greatly liked by the nurses because she would do night duty indefinitely. She had quite a little work with the malaria people, the boy who had unscrewed the nose-cap was a friend of ours and never rang at night, unless it was necessary but between the times of working we were together. I loved her very much and she loved me. I slept in the daytime and we wrote notes during the day when we were awake and sent them by Ferguson. Ferguson was a fine girl. I never learned anything about her except that she had a brother in the Fifty-Second Division and a brother in Mesopotamia and she was very good to Catherine Barkley.
“Will you come to our wedding, Fergy?” I said to her once.
“You’ll never get married.”
“We will.”
“No you won’t.”
“Why not?”
“You’ll fight before you’ll marry.”
“We never fight.”
“You’ve time yet.”
“We don’t fight.”
“You’ll die then. Fight or die. That’s what people do. They don’t marry.”
I reached for her hand. “Don’t take hold of me,” she said. “I’m not crying. Maybe you’ll be all right you two. But watch out you don’t get her in trouble. You get her in trouble and I’ll kill you.”
“I won’t get her in trouble.”
“Well watch out then. I hope you’ll be all right. You have a good time.”
“We have a fine time.”
“Don’t fight then and don’t get her into trouble.”
“I won’t.”
“Mind you watch out. I don’t want her with any of these war babies.”
“You’re a fine girl, Fergy.”
“I’m not. Don’t try to flatter me. How does your leg feel?”
“Fine.”
“How is your head?” She touched the top of it with her fingers. It was sensitive like a foot that had gone to sleep. “It’s never bothered me.”
“A bump like that could make you crazy. It never bothers you?”
“No.”
“You’re a lucky young man. Have you the letter done? I’m going down.”
“It’s here,” I said.
“You ought to ask her not to do night duty for a while. She’s getting very tired.”
“All right. I will.”
“I want to do it but she won’t let me. The others are glad to let her have it. You might give her just a little rest.”
“All right.”
“Miss Van Campen spoke about you sleeping all the forenoons.”
“She