3. Home builders need permission on everything, business builders don't. So stop asking for permission on everything. Expand your authority within reason. For example, align objectives with your boss upfront, and if your intended action will serve the objective, act, don't ask.
4. Sure, you're in a pressure cooker, but you can release one of the valves—the pressure you put on yourself. If you're focused on constant learning and growth, on becoming a better version of yourself each day and not comparing to others, on chasing authenticity instead of approval, pressure becomes an enabler, not a disabler.
5. Know that ongoing conflict is essential to producing the best work. And you have the opportunity to harness conflict for maximum effect. For instance, I always found that our team produced the best ideas the fastest when we engaged in healthy debate, not when everyone agreed quickly. That's something you can facilitate (you'll get help on that in Chapter 3).
6. The reconciling and reprioritizing habits you're building in the middle (side effects of continually dealing with conflict) will serve you at the top, and everywhere else. More so than any other habits you forge.
Omnipotence
Not knowing can feel like a cardinal sin when you're leading from the middle. But as much as it might feel like it, your job isn't to know everything. In fact, a client I keynoted for had the following sentence painted on the wall in their headquarters lobby: “There's a cost to knowing.” It's a reminder to their managers that trying to know everything before moving forward comes at the cost of speed, missed opportunities, and more important priorities neglected elsewhere. For certain, it takes time and resources to know things. Make that known and be aware of the tradeoffs involved for having personal knowledge on a subject. Then, discern if it's worth you personally knowing it. In fact, focus more on discerning what you should know than trying to know everything. Just as important is to build a knowledge system where, if you don't have the answer, you can quickly access someone who will.
Then try the insight‐driven plays that follow.
1. Regarding high pressure meetings where you're expected to have all the answers—know what you're truly expected to know, but don't stress out trying to plan for every contingency. Invest the time to prepare for the meeting and anticipate the questions most likely to come up, and be okay with leaning on the knowledge system you've built up for the rest. Ask yourself, “What would the meeting attendees want to know about the subject at hand? What concerns or issues might they have? What are other sources I can have at the ready to answer questions outside my direct realm of expertise?” It's about instilling confidence and an unswerving faith that you and your knowledge system have things covered, not that you personally have the answer to every question.
2. Take pride in what you've chosen not to know. For example, I used to refuse to know some of the smallest details of a project because of the cost of knowing that. I took pride in delegating and empowering others to have the knowledge in certain areas while I focused on knowing enough about that area to be able to ask the right questions and to instill confidence in those evaluating me.
3. Know that it's not about omnipotence, it's about omnipresence. Leaders from the middle should be everywhere in their business, leaving an imprint on virtually everything within their purview (within reason and within boundaries, as I'll discuss in a moment). It requires thoroughly knowing the fundamentals of your business inside and out, but that doesn't come from personally knowing everything. It comes from being present and engaged enough in all aspects of the business (with enough attention to the fundamentals) and by being inclusive and interested enough to engage with all the experts on your business.
Physical
Leading from the middle can most certainly take a physical toll. But you can't take care of everything, or anything, if you don't prioritize taking care of yourself first. That's straight from the playbook of life, let alone this playbook.
Here are a few more reorienting insights to help reduce the physical drains.
1. Know that while you can impact everything, you're not responsible for everything. Period.
2. You're in the middle but aren't at the epicenter of every earthquake. Not every fire drill needs to be answered. Everyone else's urgent is not your urgent. And acting like it is isn't a good place to be. To illustrate, I can say my most ineffective stint as a middle manager occurred in a role where fire drills constantly sprang up. Instead of filtering them, I fed them, creating a flurry of activity that distracted my organization from more important priorities. Learn from my mistake.
To push back on repeated urgent requests, come from a place of accountability. Meaning, let the requestor know you can't accommodate because of the impact it would have on other critical priorities. Give them a different “yes” by empathetically offering alternatives to you dropping everything. Show them support in other ways.
3. Your physical health and succeeding at work aren't mutually exclusive. Step out of the grind long enough to realize that. Put your health on a pedestal, the investment will pay dividends personally and professionally. For instance, I find my work gets better the more time I take to work on my health.
4. Be bound by boundaries. While leading from the middle requires a strong presence everywhere within your scope of responsibility, it doesn't mean your work should cross over into every aspect up, down, and across the organization, and of your life. Boundaries are more important in the middle than anywhere else in an organization because more people have access to you, and so you're disproportionately exposed to stress triggers.
First, give yourself permission to set boundaries. Then, take the time to define what your boundaries are (what you'll engage in, when, within what parameters) and clearly communicate them to others. Pick low‐risk situations to practice saying “no” and commit to delegating more. Create structures and processes to help control work and time flow (like agendas), and stick to them. Finally, identify what needs to change to enable your boundaries (like new habits at home that would help keep work at work).
Emotional
It's hard not to get caught up in the emotional strain of being in the middle. But remember that you're part of a pattern. It's not personal, it's a reflection of the position itself.
Here are reframes that speak to the nastiest of the emotional toll—the sense of isolation and being undervalued.
1. It might feel like you're on an island at times, but that can be a good thing. You're actually a safe haven for workers to express frustrations, voice concerns, share ideas, and take risks without fear of undue punishment. I once took my team to an art studio where each member painted a picture of an island, as a symbolic gesture that this team would be an oasis, unlike any other team in the company, a safe‐haven and enjoyable place to be, free from typical company nonsense.
At the same time, of course, you also connect to the rest of the organization, and connect disparate parts of the organization to each other, by building bridges.
2. You're not alone, you're on loan, a ninja in the middle, there to make the engine hum. You're there until your talents elevate you upward in the company or across to something you're more interested in.
3. Senior managers might not always acknowledge your value, but everyone else does. Recall the earlier Boston Consulting Group research—you're more appreciated than you realize.
4. While at times it might feel like you're not in control of much of anything, you're always in control of your attitude. Just as important, you may have become numb to the amount of daily influence you have in the countless tradeoffs and decisions you