Introduction
This life is a test, it is only a test. If this were a real life it would have come with further instructions.
I don’t remember who said this originally but I find it to be oddly realistic. Life is filled with trials and tribulations and though I may have been through many, I am sure that there are many others who have been through much more than I. All in all I believe that I have had a good life and I am a very lucky man. While reading my book you will be able to see that I have had many thoughts that were of a negative view. I had ups and downs and many times I did not know how to deal with them, nor did I feel at the time that anyone else felt the same way that I did. Most of my life I felt alone and much like an outcast.
Not only have I come to realize that I am not alone, I have also realized that I am an outcast in my own right. Now, I’m not saying that is a bad thing. As I have matured I have come to terms with my uniqueness. We all have unique qualities that make us who we are.
When I was writing these poems as a teenager I was very depressed and unsure of what life was even about, much less who I was. I was on a proverbial roller coaster attempting to find acceptance. Funny how I never really did. My poetry that you will find in this book was written by me as a teenager who was lost. Sometimes I thought that I was found and other times I had no idea that I was even lost. There were a lot of loves for me and a lot of heartbreaks. Some redemption, some satisfaction, some let downs, some great times and a lot of loneliness. But above all I learned a lot about life. Unfortunately I don’t think that I learned enough, but do we ever?
I do hope that you enjoy this book and can find some comfort in knowing that you are not alone. None of us are truly alone, although at times it may feel that way. Enjoy, indulge, laugh, cry, get angry, but most importantly, just feel. For that is what makes life truly special.
Lost Love 10/18/92
Take one look
Look at me
We all know that we were meant to be
All the love
Shown to me
Oh how can I return to you
What you’ve been giving me
Just be yourself
Or so you say
Day by day
Going away
Oh why do I have to say
Goodbye to all I’ve ever wanted to have in this day
I love you
And you say so too
Why is it so
That our love can grow
That’s all I want
Is to know
Oh why is it that you love me so
There’s so much here
And it’s true
That I will wait all these years for you
Just come back
Is all I want
And if that cannot be
Just remember me
Feelings Held Inside 12/31/92
This song is for when I’m gone
Now we haven’t known each other for long
But time is not needed to find true love
Not for true love
True Love
Only honest feeling is what it’s made of
Made of the feeling held inside
Oh the feelings held inside
Now I’m gone but that’s not true
I’ll always be here waiting for you
Because the feelings held inside
Oh the feeling held inside
I miss you so much
I’m longing to feel your touch
It’s been so long
That I’ve been gone
Holding my feelings inside
Oh the feelings held inside
What are you waiting for
I’d like to know
So I know if I should go
Cause I’m feeling the feelings held inside
Oh the feelings held inside
But if you love me
And you really care
Just let me know
Not by a word
Not by a letter
Not by a friend
How you ask
By the feelings held inside
Oh the feelings held inside
Just be honest with your feelings
Your feelings held inside
Oh the feelings held inside
Be honest with me
And our love will always be
By the feelings held inside
Oh the feelings held inside
Devils Temptation 1/7/92
The night has come
All is dead
Nothing left of what we had
Now all is said and done
There is no turning back
This is a song about World War Three
There is nothing left here but me
How did I live, well I’ll tell you
All goes back to the days of the new
When God was here he made me
Now all I do is corrupt thee
Nuclear weapons is what I’m for
Because they kill and that’s for sure
In this song I tell all
That’s cause I am standing tall
God said I could not win
But now look at the earth and the shape it’s in
So now you know who I am
I’m the one called Satan
I’m the one that you live for
I’m the one that you sin for
I’m the one that you kill for
I’m the one that you cry for
I’m the one that you die for
I’m the one that you fear
Cause I’m the one that’s always near
There is no escaping me
Cause you are bound to be
One of the servants of thee
Now what is left for me to say
Just the fact that you will pay
Through all of eternity for not worshiping me
You can be sure that it will