LADY (anxiously, advancing to the corner of the table). And that unfortunate young man’s career will be sacrificed.
NAPOLEON. HIS career! The fellow is not worth the gunpowder it would cost to have him shot. (He turns contemptuously and goes to the hearth, where he stands with his back to her.)
LADY (wistfully). You are very hard. Men and women are nothing to you but things to be used, even if they are broken in the use.
NAPOLEON (turning on her). Which of us has broken this fellow — I or you? Who tricked him out of the despatches? Did you think of his career then?
LADY (naively concerned about him). Oh, I never thought of that. It was brutal of me; but I couldn’t help it, could I? How else could I have got the papers? (Supplicating.) General: you will save him from disgrace.
NAPOLEON (laughing sourly). Save him yourself, since you are so clever: it was you who ruined him. (With savage intensity.) I HATE a bad soldier.
He goes out determinedly through the vineyard. She follows him a few steps with an appealing gesture, but is interrupted by the return of the lieutenant, gloved and capped, with his sword on, ready for the road. He is crossing to the outer door when she intercepts him.
LADY. Lieutenant.
LIEUTENANT (importantly). You mustn’t delay me, you know. Duty, madame, duty.
LADY (imploringly). Oh, sir, what are you going to do to my poor brother?
LIEUTENANT. Are you very fond of him?
LADY. I should die if anything happened to him. You must spare him. (The lieutenant shakes his head gloomily.) Yes, yes: you must: you shall: he is not fit to die. Listen to me. If I tell you where to find him — if I undertake to place him in your hands a prisoner, to be delivered up by you to General Bonaparte — will you promise me on your honor as an officer and a gentleman not to fight with him or treat him unkindly in any way?
LIEUTENANT. But suppose he attacks me. He has my pistols.
LADY. He is too great a coward.
LIEUTENANT. I don’t feel so sure about that. He’s capable of anything.
LADY. If he attacks you, or resists you in any way, I release you from your promise.
LIEUTENANT. My promise! I didn’t mean to promise. Look here: you’re as bad as he is: you’ve taken an advantage of me through the better side of my nature. What about my horse?
LADY. It is part of the bargain that you are to have your horse and pistols back.
LIEUTENANT. Honor bright?
LADY. Honor bright. (She offers her hand.)
LIEUTENANT (taking it and holding it). All right: I’ll be as gentle as a lamb with him. His sister’s a very pretty woman. (He attempts to kiss her.)
LADY (slipping away from him). Oh, Lieutenant! You forget: your career is at stake — the destiny of Europe — of humanity.
LIEUTENANT. Oh, bother the destiny of humanity (Making for her.) Only a kiss.
LADY (retreating round the table). Not until you have regained your honor as an officer. Remember: you have not captured my brother yet.
LIEUTENANT (seductively). You’ll tell me where he is, won’t you?
LADY. I have only to send him a certain signal; and he will be here in quarter of an hour.
LIEUTENANT. He’s not far off, then.
LADY. No: quite close. Wait here for him: when he gets my message he will come here at once and surrender himself to you. You understand?
LIEUTENANT (intellectually overtaxed). Well, it’s a little complicated; but I daresay it will be all right.
LADY. And now, whilst you’re waiting, don’t you think you had better make terms with the General?
LIEUTENANT. Oh, look here, this is getting frightfully complicated. What terms?
LADY. Make him promise that if you catch my brother he will consider that you have cleared your character as a soldier. He will promise anything you ask on that condition.
LIEUTENANT. That’s not a bad idea. Thank you: I think I’ll try it.
LADY. Do. And mind, above all things, don’t let him see how clever you are.
LIEUTENANT. I understand. He’d be jealous.
LADY. Don’t tell him anything except that you are resolved to capture my brother or perish in the attempt. He won’t believe you. Then you will produce my brother —
LIEUTENANT (interrupting as he masters the plot). And have the laugh at him! I say: what a clever little woman you are! (Shouting.) Giuseppe!
LADY. Sh! Not a word to Giuseppe about me. (She puts her finger on her lips. He does the same. They look at one another warningly. Then, with a ravishing smile, she changes the gesture into wafting him a kiss, and runs out through the inner door. Electrified, he bursts into a volley of chuckles. Giuseppe comes back by the outer door.)
GIUSEPPE. The horse is ready, Lieutenant.
LIEUTENANT. I’m not going just yet. Go and find the General, and tell him I want to speak to him.
GIUSEPPE (shaking his head). That will never do, Lieutenant.
LIEUTENANT. Why not?
GIUSEPPE. In this wicked world a general may send for a lieutenant; but a lieutenant must not send for a general.
LIEUTENANT. Oh, you think he wouldn’t like it. Well, perhaps you’re right: one has to be awfully particular about that sort of thing now we’ve got a republic.
Napoleon reappears, advancing from the vineyard, buttoning the breast of his coat, pale and full of gnawing thoughts.
GIUSEPPE (unconscious of Napoleon’s approach). Quite true, Lieutenant, quite true. You are all like innkeepers now in France: you have to be polite to everybody.
NAPOLEON (putting his hand on Giuseppe’s shoulder). And that destroys the whole value of politeness, eh?
LIEUTENANT. The very man I wanted! See here, General: suppose I catch that fellow for you!
NAPOLEON (with ironical gravity). You will not catch him, my friend.
LIEUTENANT. Aha! you think so; but you’ll see. Just wait. Only, if I do catch him and hand him over to you, will you cry quits? Will you drop all this about degrading me in the presence of my regiment? Not that I mind, you know; but still no regiment likes to have all the other regiments laughing at it.
NAPOLEON. (a cold ray of humor striking pallidly across his gloom). What shall we do with this officer, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong.
GIUSEPPE (promptly). Make him a general, excellency; and then everything he says will be right.
LIEUTENANT (crowing). Haw-aw! (He throws himself ecstatically on the couch to enjoy the joke.)
NAPOLEON (laughing and pinching Giuseppe’s ear). You are thrown away in this inn, Giuseppe. (He sits down and places Giuseppe before him like a schoolmaster with a pupil.) Shall I take you away with me and make a man of you?
GIUSEPPE (shaking his head rapidly and repeatedly). No, thank you, General. All my life long people have wanted to make a man of me. When I was a boy, our good priest wanted to make a man of me by teaching me to read and write. Then the organist at Melegnano wanted to make a man of me by teaching me to read music. The recruiting sergeant would have made a man of me if I had been a few inches taller. But it always meant making me work; and I am too lazy for that, thank Heaven! So I taught myself to cook and became an innkeeper; and now I keep servants to do the work, and have nothing to do myself except talk, which suits me perfectly.
NAPOLEON (looking