The second paper is called “The Dynamics of a Particle,” and is quite the best of the series; it is a geometrical treatment of the contest between Mr. Gathorne Hardy and Mr. Gladstone for the representation of the University. Here are some of the “Definitions” with which the subject was introduced:—
Plain Superficiality is the character of a speech, in which any two points being taken, the speaker is found to lie wholly with regard to those two points. Plain Anger is the inclination of two voters to one another, who meet together, but whose views are not in the same direction. When two parties, coming together, feel a Right Anger, each is said to be complimentary to the other, though, strictly speaking, this is very seldom the case. A surd is a radical whose meaning cannot be exactly ascertained.
As the “Notes of an Oxford Chiel” has been long out of print, I will give a few more extracts from this paper:—
On Differentiation. The effect of Differentiation on a Particle is very remarkable, the first differential being frequently of greater value than the original particle, and the second of less enlightenment. For example, let L = “Leader”, S = “Saturday”, and then LS = “Leader in the Saturday” (a particle of no assignable value). Differentiating once, we get L.S.D., a function of great value. Similarly it will be found that, by taking the second Differential of an enlightened Particle (i.e., raising it to the Degree D.D.), the enlightenment becomes rapidly less. The effect is much increased by the addition of a C: in this case the enlightenment often vanishes altogether, and the Particle becomes Conservative. PROPOSITIONS. PROP. I. PR. To find the value of a given Examiner. Example.—A takes in ten books in the Final Examination and gets a 3rd class; B takes in the Examiners, and gets a 2nd. Find the value of the Examiners in terms of books. Find also their value in terms in which no Examination is held. PROP. II. PR. To estimate Profit and Loss. Example.—Given a Derby Prophet, who has sent three different winners to three different betting-men, and given that none of the three horses are placed. Find the total loss incurred by the three men (a) in money, (b) in temper. Find also the Prophet. Is this latter usually possible? PROP. IV. TH. The end (i.e., “the product of the extremes”) justifies (i.e., “is equal to“—see Latin “aequus”) the means. No example is appended to this Proposition, for obvious reasons. PROP. V. PR. To continue a given series. Example.—A and B, who are respectively addicted to Fours and Fives, occupy the same set of rooms, which is always at Sixes and Sevens. Find the probable amount of reading done by A and B while the Eights are on.
The third paper was entitled “Facts, Figures, and Fancies.” The best thing in it was a parody on “The Deserted Village,” from which an extract will be found in a later chapter. There was also a letter to the Senior Censor of Christ Church, in burlesque of a similar letter in which the Professor of Physics met an offer of the Clarendon Trustees by a detailed enumeration of the requirements in his own department of Natural Science. Mr. Dodgson’s letter deals with the imaginary requirements of the Mathematical school:—
Dear Senior Censor,—In a desultory conversation on a point connected with the dinner at our high table, you incidentally remarked to me that lobster-sauce, “though a necessary adjunct to turbot, was not entirely wholesome!”
It is entirely unwholesome. I never ask for it without reluctance: I never take a second spoonful without a feeling of apprehension on the subject of a possible nightmare. This naturally brings me to the subject of Mathematics, and of the accommodation provided by the University for carrying on the calculations necessary in that important branch of Science.
As Members of Convocation are called upon (whether personally, or, as is less exasperating, by letter) to consider the offer of the Clarendon Trustees, as well as every other subject of human, or inhuman, interest, capable of consideration, it has occurred to me to suggest for your consideration how desirable roofed buildings are for carrying on mathematical calculations: in fact, the variable character of the weather in Oxford renders it highly inexpedient to attempt much occupation, of a sedentary nature, in the open air.
Again, it is often impossible for students to carry on accurate mathematical calculations in close contiguity to one another, owing to their mutual conversation; consequently these processes require different rooms in which irrepressible conversationalists, who are found to occur in every branch of Society, might be carefully and permanently fixed.
It may be sufficient for the present to enumerate the following requisites—others might be added as funds permit:—
A. A very large room for calculating Greatest Common Measure. To this a small one might be attached for Least Common Multiple: this, however, might be dispensed with.
B. A piece of open ground for keeping Roots and practising their extraction: it would be advisable to keep Square Roots by themselves, as their corners are apt to damage others.
C. A room for reducing Fractions to their Lowest Terms. This should be provided with a cellar for keeping the Lowest Terms when found, which might also be available to the general body of Undergraduates, for the purpose of “keeping Terms.”
D. A large room, which might be darkened, and fitted up with a magic lantern, for the purpose of exhibiting circulating Decimals in the act of circulation. This might also contain cupboards, fitted with glass doors, for keeping the various Scales of Notation.
E. A narrow strip of ground, railed off and carefully levelled, for investigating the properties of Asymptotes, and testing practically whether Parallel Lines meet or not: for this purpose it should reach, to use the expressive language of Euclid, “ever so far.”
This last process of “continually producing the lines,” may require centuries or more; but such a period, though long in the life of an individual, is as nothing in the life of the University.
As Photography is now very much employed in recording human expressions, and might possibly be adapted to Algebraical Expressions, a small photographic room would be desirable, both for general use and for representing the various phenomena of Gravity, Disturbance of Equilibrium, Resolution, &c., which affect the features during severe mathematical operations.
May I trust that you will give your immediate attention to this most important subject?
Believe me,
Sincerely yours,
Mathematicus.
Next came “The New Belfry of Christ Church, Oxford; a Monograph by D.C.L.” On the title-page was a neatly drawn square—the figure of Euclid I. 46—below which was written “East view of the New Belfry, Christ Church, as seen from the meadow.” The new belfry is fortunately a thing of the past, and its insolent hideousness no longer defaces Christ Church, but while it lasted it was no doubt an excellent target for Lewis Carroll’s sarcasm. His article on it is divided into thirteen chapters. Three of them are perhaps worth quoting:—
§1. On the etymological significance of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch. The word “Belfry” is derived from the French bel, “beautiful, becoming, meet,” and from the German frei, “free unfettered, secure, safe.” Thus, the word is strictly equivalent to “meat-safe,” to which the new Belfry bears a resemblance so perfect as almost to amount to coincidence. §4. On the chief architectural merit of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch. Its chief merit is its simplicity—a simplicity so pure, so profound, in a word, so simple, that no other word will fitly describe it. The meagre outline, and baldness of detail, of the present Chapter, are adopted in humble imitation of this great feature. §5. On the other architectural merits of the new Belfry, Ch. Ch. The Belfry has no other architectural merits.
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