“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ruby asked, her voice quivering.
Wes looked at her tenderly. “I think you know what I mean. You haven’t even given Nellie a chance. And I’m sure she is feeling pretty terrible right about now.”
“Doesn’t it matter that I’m feeling pretty terrible?”
The righteous indignance on his daughter’s face made Luke want to smile. But that probably wouldn’t serve any good purpose.
“Of course it does,” Luke said, joining Wes in front of Ruby. “And I truly am sorry that I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. But what’s done is done, and the best we can do is move forward with grace. And it would mean a lot to me, to our family, if you would at least try.”
Ruby nodded, sniffed some more and once again wiped her face with the back of her sleeve. Then she squared her shoulders and looked at her father.
“I won’t call her mama. Or mother.”
They hadn’t discussed what the children were to call Nellie, and though Luke promised her that they would be a team, he hoped she would understand him making this decision without her.
“You can call her Nellie if you like.”
Ruby nodded. “I don’t want her acting like a mother to me. No kissing, no hugging, no tucking me in at night. I will not treat her like a mother. I will not forget my mother, and nothing you say or do will make me.”
Tears stung the backs of Luke’s eyes at his daughter’s insistence on clinging to her mother. He knew the children missed her, but it hadn’t occurred to him that bringing Nellie in would make them think that he wanted to deny their memories of her.
“I’m glad,” he said. “I wouldn’t ask that of you. Nor would Nellie.”
This time, when Luke held out his arms to his daughter, she came. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, kissing the top of her head.
“I love you, my sweet Ruby. I know it’s hard, and I’m sorry. I miss your mother every day, and I know you do, too. But we need Nellie. You probably don’t care about this part, but something tells me that she needs us. So let’s all do the best we can to be there for each other, even if it’s not the situation we want for ourselves.”
Ruby nodded slowly, her tears wetting the front of Luke’s shirt. She squeezed him back, and it felt good to be in his daughter’s embrace. And he hoped it felt good to her, as well. Even if she didn’t realize it now, he would always be there for her, always support her, always love her.
“Do you really miss her?” Big blue eyes like her mother’s looked up at him, searching his heart, then breaking it.
“I’ve told you I do.”
“Not very often,” she said. “Sometimes I think you don’t remember her at all.”
Her words turned his insides. Once again, Luke heard Nellie’s voice in the back of his head giving him permission to grieve the way he felt he needed to.
“Missing a person looks different to everyone,” he said. “I’m sorry that you can’t see inside my heart, but the pain of living every day without your mother is there. Nellie isn’t meant to take that away. But she can make some of the things that I’m struggling to do on my own a little easier. I need another adult in my life to help me. I know you want to be that person, but it has to be someone else.”
“All right,” Ruby said, sighing. “I don’t like this, not at all.”
Luke sighed. Ruby wasn’t bending on this point, but at least she’d somewhat agreed to cooperate. He supposed, for today at least, that that was as much of a victory as he could hope for.
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