Pudge, Keith, Craig, Dave, Sheryl, Gloria, Dennis, Jim, Rich, Jack, Ian, and so many others. I have these friends as a result of being focused on something else at the time – business, school, the gym. I wasn't necessarily focused on meeting new people to create new friendships (networking for social reasons). I've developed so many great friendships through networking events, classes I've taken, classes I've taught, and even the pals I met at the gym. Some were even part of my wedding party. The friends I'm thinking about I've known for many years from when I used to live in Massachusetts. That was a time when I was figuring out a lot of things around my business, continuing education, and so on.
We all have different phases of our lives. That was my Massachusetts phase. I also have a Los Angeles phase, a Long Island phase. I can break down different phases of my life based on where I worked and even where I went to school.
Think of all the people you are (or were) friends with from the different phases of your life. Facebook is great for tracking people down and staying in touch. List their names as I have. Once you start making a list, you'll easily compile ten, twenty, even fifty names. You'll start reminiscing about stories and experiences you had, the good old days. Reach out and reconnect with them today!
How many of those friendships would you have if you didn't play that sport, belong to that gym, take that class, or work that job? How many more friends can you make by having a networking mindset? How many of those friends could lead to more prospects, clients, and centers of influence?
Of course, you shouldn't make friends for the sole purpose of growing your business or financial practice, but friendships and business can go hand in hand if it's appropriate and everyone can benefit in good faith.
Expanded Database. The more you network, the more you expand your database. At least that's how it's supposed to work. That should be an obvious byproduct of networking. You'll end up meeting more people, collecting more business cards, and ultimately having more connections on LinkedIn. Your network is your net worth! That is, if you develop the right network for the right reasons. Sure, your friends and family are part of your network. If they can be instrumental in helping you grow your financial practice or business, great. But your friends and family can only help you for so long, and many won't help you at all. If you can expand your network with your target market or the types of clients you want to work with in mind, it can truly impact your net worth.
New Activities and Hobbies. Networking led me to boxing as a hobby and ultimately a brand that has helped me grow my business. I also got involved with Spartan Races, shows on Netflix that I never would have known about, cigar smoking (well, every so often), and even activities I participate in with my family as a result of some of my interactions with people I've met in different groups. You never know where your next adventure will come from, and if you're an active person you'll have active (and fun) conversations with the people you meet, which will lead to more activity and fun.
What Is Networking Anyway?
Networking is one of those terms that is a bit nebulous and ambiguous. It's a concept you don't learn in school and is not part of MBA programs, although it should absolutely be taught there. In fact, I believe networking should be taught in public schools to children as part of their elementary education. Imagine if third and fourth graders learned how to better connect with teachers, principals, fellow students, and even their friend's parents?
Here's my official definition:
Networking is a proactive approach (although sometimes it can be reactive) to meeting quality people to learn and potentially help them.
Learning, helping – that's it! If you focus on learning from and potentially helping the right people, they will help you back. Networking is a collaborative effort toward helping one another achieve a goal – selling a product or service, landing a job, solving a specific problem, learning about something, volunteering for a cause, or meeting the love of your life.
Networking is much more than simply meeting people, “working the room,” and giving everyone you meet a business card (which you should never do). I'll discuss this in more detail in Chapter 8.
Networking is about meeting the right people (those you like and have some connection to the clients you want to work with), going to the right events or venues (where do these right people hang out?), and saying the right things (intros, questions).
A Networking Mindset
Having a networking mindset is a way of being. If you're open, friendly, approachable, interesting, interested, curious, inquisitive, conversational, considerate, respectful, collaborative, happy, positive, upbeat, honest, helpful, relational, and a true connector, you're operating from a networking mindset.
You must have a networking mindset to be a knockout networker. Otherwise you'll have a difficult time connecting with people and having them trust you at events and in other networking scenarios.
Your mindset (or attitude) drives your behavior. If your behavior is, let's say, a sales mindset, then you'll demonstrate sales behavior when meeting people and networking: asking qualifying questions, pitching products and services, assuming the sale, overcoming objections, and closing.
What would the reaction be of those you meet at a networking event if you demonstrated a sales mindset? They would probably be on the defensive and it would be an awkward conversation. They would more than likely avoid you and the word would get out.
A sales mindset is important – at a sales meeting. Networking mindset, networking meeting. Sales mindset, sales meeting. See how that works?
Having the right mindset at the right time will help you connect with others who also have the right mindset at the right time. As you're developing your networking skills and practicing, ask yourself, “What is my mindset?”
Behaviors that result from a networking mindset include making eye contact (smiling eyes, as someone once described to me), smiling, paying a compliment, offering to help (carrying a bag, giving directions), saying hello, introducing yourself, making a funny or friendly comment you can both relate to, holding a door open, inviting someone under your umbrella, offering to take a picture (of them with their phone), or striking a conversation with someone sitting next to you at the coffee shop.
I have demonstrated all of these behaviors. But not all at once. I carried a baby in a stroller up the stairs for a mother coming out of the subway, lifted a heavy bag for an elderly man at the airport, and accompanied a little boy to the bathroom (with his mom's permission) who was afraid to go in without his mother; I waited outside.
Of course, I'm not suggesting to do all of these things. You have to do what you think is right and appropriate, and come from a place of truly helping. You have to be comfortable, and if you're not comfortable offering to share the walk across the street under your umbrella with a total stranger (or whatever), then don't do it. Having a networking mindset doesn't mean “crossing the line” or doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Everybody has their own personality and level of comfort.
I feel good having helped people over the years and have great stories to tell as a result. But truth be told, there have been times that I made others feel uncomfortable by simply being friendly or offering to help. It doesn't happen often, but it happens. Most of the time people are appreciative and either take me up on my offer or simply say, “No thank you.” And that's fine.
Recently, I was in a major city and after checking with the security desk, got led to the elevator bay. I was on my way to a networking event that I was co‐leading. I was with my twelve‐year‐old daughter,