“And for the record, you could never lose me. Not in a million years.” He felt a warmth spreading in his chest as his own sentiments rolled over him. She meant the world to him. How could she not know that? Had his overseas mission caused her to doubt what they’d always meant to each other? Ava’s face tensed up for a second, and then she seemed to relax. He watched as she let out a deep sigh.
Dear Lord, forgive me for bending the truth about the kiss. The last thing I want to do is hurt Ava, to put her on the spot by telling her that after our kiss I needed to get as far away from her as possible. Because the truth is I was starting to fall head over heels for my cousin’s widow, and I couldn’t handle the guilt. So I did the only thing that made sense at the time. I put a world of distance between us.
He’d learned a year ago that pushing for something more with Ava was unfair. His feelings for her had always been deep and powerful, ever since they were kids. Although they’d been best buddies growing up, deep down he’d always felt something special between them. When he’d left Cape Cod to attend the Coast Guard Academy and she’d started dating Billy, it had been a harsh blow to recover from. He’d kept quiet, though, never letting Ava know he was hurt and jealous. In his mind she would forever be the one who’d gotten away. Many times he’d asked God to grant him the grace to accept that Ava had chosen Billy as her life partner. Many times he’d knelt before God and prayed for his feelings to disappear. And for many years he’d believed that what he felt for Ava was buried so deep down that no one ever suspected a thing. Until that terrible night when Billy had called him out and accused him of wanting Ava for himself. Until tragedy had altered all of their lives.
“So, we’re good?” Ava asked, a slight frown furrowing her brow.
He reached across the butcher block counter and reached for her hand. Her hand was soft and supple, radiating warmth. It felt so good to be touching her, connecting with her. He couldn’t even put into words how much he’d missed her. “We’re good,” he said with a nod. “Better than good.”
The noisy clatter of the children heralded their arrival in the kitchen. Sawyer quickly pulled his hand away, and Ava placed her hands on the counter. “Three minutes to dinner,” she announced in a breathy voice. “Why don’t the two of you head to the sink and wash up?”
Dolly looked up at him. “Don’t you have to get washed up, too? Kids aren’t the only ones with germy hands.”
Sawyer let loose with a hearty chuckle. He’d missed the twins’ blunt outlook on life. He’d missed being able to laugh out loud. There hadn’t been much to laugh about in Sierra Leone, although he’d bonded with the local children and learned a lot about their culture. Although a coast guard presence in the region had been crucial, it had been a personal hardship to be over there for such a long time.
“I won’t give you any argument about that, Miss Dolly,” he answered. “Ladies first.” He bent over and waved his hand in the air as if she were royalty. Dolly raced by him toward the kitchen sink, followed closely by Casey. He joined them, passing by their refrigerator decorated with artwork and family photos. A heart-shaped magnet said God Bless This Home. When he spotted a photo of himself standing next to Billy, both of them holding a twin in their arms, he found himself getting choked up. He remembered the moment vividly. It was the day of their baptism, and as honorary uncle to both of the twins, he’d proudly posed for a picture with his cousin.
“If anything happens to me, I want you to watch over Casey and Dolly. You’re the closest thing to a brother I have, and I want my kids to know you as Uncle Sawyer.” Billy’s words came flooding back to him. Guilt seized him by the throat. He’d let Billy down. He hadn’t watched over the twins. Not for the past year anyway. He’d been too busy running away—from his feelings, from his guilt, from his pain, from that unforgettable kiss. The memory of Billy’s words had been part of the reason he’d come back earlier than planned. He had a responsibility to the twins, not only as their honorary uncle, but because of the heartfelt wish Billy had expressed to him on that day.
And no matter what happened from this point forward, he was going to uphold his promise, even though it would place him in direct contact with Ava.
* * *
As they settled in around the dinner table, Ava had to admit to herself that she felt happier than she had in quite some time. Seeing the kids so overjoyed about Sawyer’s return made her feel grateful. And if she was being honest, she had to admit she felt some stirrings within her own soul. For so long now she’d felt a little frozen, as if nothing could penetrate the shield she’d placed around her heart. Even though she was a bit embarrassed about lashing out at Sawyer, at least she’d felt a strong emotion. At least she’d felt something other than numbness. For the first time in a long while, she felt alive.
No matter what issues stood between them, she was thankful Sawyer had made it back safe and sound. From the little she knew about Sierra Leone, it was a dangerous place. Civil wars, violence and disease were an everyday part of life there. Although she knew the coast guard had important missions to conduct, she was relieved Sawyer would be out of the line of fire. The thought of losing another person she loved was too painful to even consider. She didn’t want to think about Sawyer being gone from her world. Especially since he’d just come back to them.
“Who wants to say grace?” Sawyer asked. He looked around the table, going from one face to the next. The twins looked at each other with a baffled expression and shrugged their shoulders.
Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “We don’t always say grace,” she admitted. “We’ve gotten out of the habit.”
Sawyer looked taken aback for a moment, but he quickly recovered as he extended his hands to the twins, who were seated on either side of him. She reached out and clasped hands with Casey and Dolly so that they formed a circle of four. She bowed her head, hoping Sawyer would take the lead and say Grace. Although she knew the words by heart, she was afraid she would stumble over the blessing.
“Dear Lord,” Sawyer began in a strong, steady voice, “we offer thanks for this wonderful meal, lovingly prepared by Ava. We thank you for the abundant gifts you bestow on us each and every day. Thank you for watching over this family and for guiding me safely back home where I belong. Amen.”
“Amen,” she said in unison with the children. Hearing Sawyer’s blessing caused a warm heat to spread through her chest. It meant the world to her that she and the kids were in his thoughts and prayers. Somehow it made her feel safe and protected. It had been a long time since she’d felt that way.
They all dug into the stir-fry, enjoying a companionable silence as they ate. Having Sawyer sit down to a meal with her family seemed to be a big hit with the twins. Neither of them could take their eyes off him. He was the main attraction. It was amazing how quickly they’d taken him back into their hearts, considering the length of time he’d been away. There was no trace of Casey’s earlier resentment. Resilience. Kids were known for being able to bounce back, weren’t they? Sometimes she forgot that their little hearts were stronger than she could ever imagine.
“Uncle Sawyer,” Dolly said in a garbled voice. “Are you coming to the wedding?”
“Dolly, it might be more polite to talk without the food in your mouth,” Ava cautioned. Her daughter’s cheeks were stuffed to the brim, causing her to resemble a squirrel storing acorns.
Dolly’s eyes got big, and she made a dramatic effort at swallowing her food. She then reached for her glass of water and took a few sips. “Uncle Sawyer,” she repeated. “Are you coming to the wedding?”
Sawyer’s lips twitched with amusement. “Cousin Melanie’s wedding?” Dolly nodded her head enthusiastically. Growing up in a sea of boy cousins, Melanie had always occupied a special place in all of their hearts. Sawyer treated Dolly to a full-fledged smile. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world, even though I just heard about it yesterday.”