“Mommy, can Uncle Sawyer stay for dinner?” Dolly asked, her hands crossed prayerfully in front of her.
“Can he? That would be so cool,” Casey added. “He can tell us more about Africa.”
“Please, please,” they pleaded in unison.
Ava looked at the twins and nodded, a smile beginning to form at the corners of her mouth. Suddenly, she looked the way she used to, before her world had turned upside down.
Casey shouted, “Yes!” and high-fived his sister. Sawyer was slightly amazed at his quick turnaround. An hour earlier Casey had been angrier than a hornet. Now, secure in the knowledge that his uncle Sawyer was sticking around, he was content.
He wished he could say the same about Casey’s mother. Despite her smile, Ava’s body language told a different story. She seemed tense and on edge. He had the feeling it had everything to do with his presence. When the kids scampered off to pick up their room before dinner, he moved toward the kitchen where Ava was cutting up vegetables for a salad.
“Anything I can do to help?” he offered. The silence between them was beginning to be uncomfortable. The beauty of their relationship had always rested in the easy flow of their conversations and the natural rhythms of their discussions. Ever since he could remember, Ava had been his sounding board, the one person he could always talk to about anything and everything. But something had shifted between them. Ever since he arrived at the house, he’d been itching to fill the empty space lying between them with conversation.
“No, I’ve got it. I’m just making a garden salad with some chicken stir-fry and jasmine rice.” She didn’t even bother to look up at him from her dinner preparations.
“You cut off all your hair.” The words tumbled out of his mouth. For as long as he’d known Ava, her hair had trailed down her back. Now it was a sleek, shoulder-length bob. He stared at her, deciding that the short style suited her delicate features.
“It was too much of a hassle,” she explained, wrinkling her nose. “With the kids in kindergarten now, I have to be out of the house by seven forty-five in order to make it to their school on time. We really hustle in the morning.”
The thought of Ava and the kids bustling around the house in the morning tugged at his heart something fierce. Ever since Billy’s death, she’d valiantly raised the twins and shouldered them through the mourning process. She’d stuffed down her own grief in order to help Casey and Dolly deal with their own fear and pain. According to his aunt Nancy, some nights Ava crumpled her body into their small twin beds and held them in her arms, determined to be there when the nightmares came. From what he’d witnessed firsthand, Ava Trask was an amazing mother.
“You never were a morning person, even when we were kids,” Sawyer teased, wanting to see Ava let loose and relax. She seemed so tense, so ill at ease. He wasn’t sure if it was because of everything she’d been through or because of him.
“When you become a parent you don’t really have a choice,” she explained. “You just have to learn how to adapt, otherwise the kids would be late for school every day and I’d never get anything done around here.”
“If you don’t mind my saying so, you seem less than thrilled about my moving next door,” Sawyer said with a grimace.
She was standing at the kitchen counter dicing green peppers, onions and carrots. Every time the knife hit the cutting block, he winced. She seemed to be on edge and had been avoiding eye contact with him. The vegetables seemed to be taking a beating.
Ava shrugged. “Sawyer, the kids are over the moon about it, so I’m thankful for their sakes.”
“But not your own?” He studied her expression carefully, picking up on her reservations by her pursed lips and the awkward tilt of her head.
She sighed. “I didn’t say that. It’s just that we haven’t seen you for a year, and then you turn up on the beach having just bought the lighthouse next door.” She let out a shaky laugh. “You have to admit, it’s a little unexpected.”
“Ava, you know how I feel about Mr. P’s lighthouse. I’ve loved it since the first time I saw it.” He studied her expression, wondering if she remembered all the times Mr. P had invited them over to his lighthouse when they were kids. He’d been amazing to them, as generous and kind as one could imagine. Between playing pirate, teaching them to catch crabs and watching old movies with them, he’d played the role of grandfather in their lives. He’d taught Sawyer what it meant to be part of a community and how to establish bonds that lasted a lifetime.
“Is it odd to want to help out my family?”
“No, not at all.” She let out a sigh. “But I don’t want to rely on someone who—”
“Who bailed on you?” he said in a gruff tone. “Just say it.”
She finally looked straight at him. “What the twins need most of all is consistency. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but when you left it took us a long time to get back to normal.”
As they locked gazes, tension crackled in the air between them. Ava looked away, focusing instead on the cutting board. “After Billy died, you were our rock. You did so much for us. No matter what, I’ll always be grateful for that.” Midway through, her voice became husky with emotion. “Other than my sisters, you were there for us like nobody else.”
“Why is it so hard to look at me, Ava? Are you still that angry at me?” he asked in a gentle voice. “Am I still unforgiven?”
She looked at him, her hazel eyes brimming with emotion. She slammed her palm down on the counter. Her graceful hands were shaking. “Why? Because the last time the two of us were alone together you kissed me. And the very next day you were packing for Africa, as if you couldn’t wait to get as far away from me as humanly possible. And for the past year I’ve been blaming myself for my kids losing yet another person they love.”
* * *
Did she really just bring up that ill-fated kiss? That sweet, tender kiss he’d been trying to forget for a whole year?
Although the kiss had been at the forefront of his mind ever since he’d left for Africa, he’d never expected Ava to mention it. It was a sore subject for him. He felt as if he’d crossed a line by kissing her, and he’d been second-guessing himself ever since. For so long now he’d thought of her as Billy’s wife, as far out of reach as a constellation in the sky. His feelings had always been under the radar until that life-altering moment when he’d acted on impulse and pressed his lips against hers. And because she’d still been knee-deep in mourning, he’d never wanted Ava to think he was trying to take advantage of a grief-stricken widow. Their twenty-five-year friendship meant too much to him to risk losing.
“That kiss was impulsive,” he admitted, choosing his words carefully. “We’d been spending so much time together, day in, day out. We were both grieving for Billy.” He shrugged. “It should never have happened.”
“Was it why you left?” she asked. Her eyes were beseeching him to be straight with her. “Please, be honest with me. I feel like everything shifted between us after that night. And then you were gone. I lost my best friend.” There was so much vulnerability in her voice. It made him want to reach out to her, to put his arms around her and shelter her from all her doubts. But he couldn’t do that, no matter how much he wanted to hold her. There were still too many things he’d never come clean about.
“No, Ava. It wasn’t the reason I left. The mission in Sierra Leone was a lot more important than a random kiss. Please don’t blame yourself.” As far as the truth was concerned, he hadn’t told her any lies. The kiss hadn’t been the sole reason