He turned and walked back into the living room, needing the space, needing to distance himself momentarily from her. He pressed his hand over his eyes, his thumb and finger pressing at his temples, trying to ease the pain in his head.
Behind him, she remained silent and he knew he had to open up completely. If he wanted her, he had to do this; if not he was failing himself as well as her. His heart thumped hard against his ribcage. What if she threw it back at him? Now he knew how she had felt on their wedding night and again in the desert. She’d braved his rejection not once, but twice, and he couldn’t face hers once. What sort of coward did that make him?
Slowly he turned and that tightness crushed his chest harder. It was as if his love for her was squeezing the life out of him. Love. He’d finally used the word, in thought at least. But what would she do if he said it out loud? Coldly reject him, as he had rejected her? It would be all he deserved.
He turned and stalked across the room, overwhelmed by the smallness of it and the magnitude of what he’d just realised. He had to say it aloud, had to face the consequences of what he’d done. He crossed the small room again, wishing he could be still and tell her. Was this why his father had been a bully—to hide from himself?
* * *
Amber watched Kazim pace back and forth across the living room. Just for a moment she allowed hope to soar inside her as he looked down at her, the ebony depths of his eyes full of more than just passion and desire. She dared to hope, dared to believe he loved her. But then he marched away and her heart sank lower than it had ever gone.
‘I can’t ever go back, Kazim,’ she said, forcing her voice to be calm and neutral. ‘I am not the woman you need.’
‘No.’ He turned and focused his gaze on her. ‘You are more—much more.’
She drew in a breath that seemed to cut her throat and looked at him. The wild and untameable man she’d said her vows to was clearly on show, standing before her. The hungry look in his eyes made her stomach flip and her knees go weak.
She didn’t dare speak, but inside she was urging him on, desperate to know and yet certain she couldn’t ever know what he meant.
‘You are my wife, Amber.’ He didn’t move, as if doing so would stop the words. ‘And I love you.’
Inside her head she could hear her heart thumping more slowly and in her chest her breathing turned shallow—too shallow. She couldn’t move, couldn’t say a word, scarcely able to believe what she’d just heard.
He doesn’t mean it. How could he mean it after what he’d told her in the desert? It was just another way to charm her into doing what he wanted.
He strode towards her and all she could do was watch. He caught hold of her face in his large warm hands but still it all had a dreamlike feeling.
‘It’s too late,’ she whispered, almost trancelike.
‘Too late?’ He drew in a sharp breath as she spoke and looked at her, his eyes full of love and passion.
‘I can never be what you need.’
‘You are everything I need—and more.’ He dropped his hands to take hold of her arms, keeping her before him, preventing any escape.
Still as if in a dream, she watched as he lowered his head. Lightly his lips brushed over hers and she closed her eyes, surrendering to the moment. But it didn’t come; he pulled back. Her eyes opened to look into his.
‘I’ve been a fool—a blind fool,’ he said so gently she wanted to cry. ‘I have been running from you and your love for too long. I don’t want to run any more.’
She shook her head in disbelief, words failing her.
‘I was afraid to love, afraid that if I did I would hurt you, just as my father hurt my mother.’
‘You think you’ll be the same?’ How could he ever have thought such a thing? ‘That would never happen.’
He pulled her to him and she held her breath, waiting, wanting to hear him say what she saw in his eyes.
‘I love you, Amber. You are my princess and wherever you are, whatever you are doing, I want to be there.’
‘Wherever?’ She whispered the word so quietly she hardly heard it herself.
‘Yes, Amber, I will give up everything for you.’ He kissed her then, so deeply she wondered if she’d ever breathe again, but as Kazim’s arms wrapped around her she knew she’d found what she wanted and it didn’t matter where they were, they would always have that. They would always love one another.
‘I’ve lived all my life in fear of being like my father. I didn’t want to break your spirit the way he broke my mother’s. I just couldn’t take that risk.’
‘All along you’ve thought that?’ She looked up at him, wanting to kiss his pain away.
‘Yes. Can you forgive me?’
Her body melted at the love and desire that was openly shining in his eyes. ‘Your love is all I have ever wanted, Kazim, but I would never make you give up what you were born to do.’
‘I was born to love you.’ He pressed his lips against her forehead and pulled her close. She heard his heart beating as hard and loud as hers, beating in unison with their love.
‘I love you, Kazim, with all my heart. I was born to be your princess, so take me home.’ He put her at arm’s length and looked into her eyes.
‘I can’t do that,’ he said with a new gentleness in his voice and she smiled coyly at him.
‘Sorry, I forgot you only had a short time; you have to be somewhere else.’
‘No,’ he said, brushing his lips over hers, setting fire to her body as the embers of passion rose to life once more. ‘The only place I have to be is with the woman I love, but you have a friend returning from America, so we’ll stay here until they are settled.’
‘Here?’ Incredulity filled her voice. ‘You’ll stay here?’
‘Wherever you are, Amber, is where I want to be.’
He pulled her into his arms and, as she looked up at him, kissed her lips with so much passion and love. ‘I love you, Kazim, and always have.’
He smiled at her. ‘I have loved you since we first met, but I was just too proud and stubborn to realise it. I should never have listened to those who were against you. I should have listened to my heart. Can you ever forgive me?’
‘It might take some time,’ she teased. ‘But yes, I think I can.’
Eighteen months later
AMBER HAD BEEN so happy she thought that nothing could top it. Returning to Barazbin with Kazim had been like a dream come true. Not once since he’d told her he loved her had a day gone by when he hadn’t said it again.
She walked out onto the balcony to join Kazim, who was enjoying a rare moment of peace. He smiled and pulled her close against him. ‘You look amazing,’ he said as he brushed his lips lightly over hers. ‘Motherhood suits you.’
‘Our son has made a difference to so many,’ she teased lightly. ‘Your father is a different man.’
‘My father and I have both dealt with demons in our past and are stronger for it, but I never want my son to go through what I did.’ He looked at her intently.
‘That will never happen, Kazim.’ She smiled up at him. ‘But we will be in trouble with your father if we don’t attend this evening’s