Even though he was free now, he felt as if he’d suffered a lifetime conviction. Ray said it was a self-induced sentence, which God had released him from. Now that he had his physical freedom, all the guilt and stress were back. He didn’t feel free anymore.
“Reid?” Her bright green eyes searched his face. He forced himself to be still, to meet her gaze. She gave him a sad smile and nodded as if they had agreed to something he wasn’t aware of. “Are you ready to move the baby cub to the enclosure? I don’t want a crowd for that.”
Right now, he would love to get away from this group of young, energetic college students. It seemed a lifetime ago that he had been a part of that life. If he heard the words awesome or amazing one more time, he was going to beat his head against the side of the truck.
Then there was Bobby. The old man eyed Reid with a warning whenever he got a chance. “Is there anything else needed done here?”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Her forehead wrinkled with worry, and it was his fault.
With a nod, he gave her the lopsided grin she’d always loved. “Yes. Ready for the next adventure.”
She waved to the others. “We’re heading back to introduce the cub to her new home. Y’all take the truck. Sarah, do you have the phone today?”
“Yes, ma’am. Can we come watch?”
“I want to keep the environment calm and quiet when we make the transition. I need y’all to finish here and do the usual rounds. We’ll take the four-wheeler back to headquarters.” Without waiting for him, she jumped on the long leather seat of the ATV. Hands on the handlebars, she leaned forward, making room for him behind her. If he got on that thing, he would have to touch her. Not good.
“Baby, I’ll walk.”
“What? It’ll take you an hour to get back.” She started the engine. “Do you want to drive? Is that the problem? I don’t remember you being so macho.”
Okay, he was making a bigger deal out of this than it needed to be. Swinging a leg over, he slid as far back on the seat as possible. Trying to settle in behind Danica, he found there wasn’t much room to avoid her. Her hair was in a tight braid, but a few curls had managed to escape. He could get lost in her hair. Looking to the sky, he kept his focus on the clouds above. His hands gripped the bars next to his legs. A rock in the road caused the four-wheeler to tilt to the side.
Without thought, his fingers immediately circled her waist to steady them both. Muscles briefly contracted as he remembered how perfectly she fit in his hands. Those hands needed to be somewhere else.
One quick movement and he had a tight grip on the bars again. Those were the kind of memories that would get him in trouble and just cause him more pain. He needed to block all of them.
How could he do that? He remembered everything about her, and he would until the day his heart stopped beating. He imagined it was possible that even beyond this life, he would remember her. Not that it would do him any good. He was dancing in the middle of a stampede and would be going down soon.
This quick ride turned into a torture trip. Next time, he would walk. God, I need strength only You can give. I have vowed to do the right thing, but I’m not sure I’m strong enough.
* * *
Parking the four-wheeler by the back door, Danica jumped off as fast as she turned the key to shut down the engine. She needed to get away from Reid.
Driving with him so close, it took her back to the early days of their marriage. Their very short marriage, because he didn’t have enough faith to believe God would take care of them.
“I need to check something up front. Go ahead and get the cub ready.”
Not waiting for his response, she moved to the front porch. She had to get herself under control. Emotions and feelings had gotten her in trouble in college. Now she was a grown woman with two innocent baby girls relying on her. Their future was at stake. God, I need You to lead me this time.
It didn’t matter how Reid McAllister made her feel. Her heart was off-limits, and she needed to use her brain. Coming around the corner, she stopped midstep. No, no, no.
“Momma!”
“Momma, we came to see the baby bear.”
The girls charged at her. “We want to see the bats. Can we see the bats? Are they sleeping like little burritos?”
There was no pause between the girls. They had a habit of talking with their words flowing from one sister to the next.
Her gaze darted behind her. Reid had gone into the building. With her heart in her throat, she stared at her twin sister. “Jackie, what are you doing here? I told the girls I would bring them later tonight.”
Jackie narrowed her gaze. “What’s going on?”
With another quick glance to the house, she took a deep breath. Maybe she could get them out of here without him seeing the girls. She bit her lip.
“Momma, please.”
Or before her sister saw him. This was crazy. Smiling for the girls, she took a deep breath. No time to drown in her own mess.
Balancing on her heels, she squatted and hugged each girl. “I need you to go home with your aunt.” She pushed the loose curls out of their faces, their red hair and gray-green eyes in contrast to their light golden skin.
They were a perfect mix of her and Reid. “You can’t be here right now. I promise I’ll bring you back, and you can help me feed the baby bats tonight.” She usually only allowed the girls to watch the bats. At this point, she was willing to use anything to get them back in the big green family Suburban her father still owned. Standing, she placed a hand on each of the girls’ shoulders and started herding them back to the SUV.
Jackie was frowning at her. “They both got a hundred on their spelling tests, so I thought this—”
“It’s fine. I just need you to take them home. I still have a lot to do today.”
A door behind her opened. Her sister gasped. Dread froze the rapid flow of her blood. Fear held her in place. Her two worlds were about to collide. “Please, get the twins to the car and leave.” Please, please, please don’t let him notice the girls.
“Jackie?” His deep voice vibrated down her spine.
“Reid?” Jackie’s screech was more like nails on a chalkboard. Eyes wide, she looked at Danica. “Is that Reid McAllister?”
The girls turned to see the newcomer. “Hi!” They tended to talk in unison when they were excited. “I’m Susan Bergmann this is my sister—”
“Elizabeth Bergmann. Everyone calls us Suzie and Lizzy. We’re twins.”
Focusing on her daughters, she kept her back to Reid. Maybe he’d assume they were Jackie’s if he didn’t look too close.
Lizzy gently pressed her fingertips on Danica’s face and pulled her attention away from Jackie. “Momma, please let us just see the bats. We won’t touch them.”
She groaned and closed her eyes.
“Or even make a noise. We promise to be real quiet.” On her other side, Suzie wrapped herself around Danica’s arm.
“Yes, we’ll be good.” They both looked past her and smiled at Reid. “Have you seen the bats?” Suzie faced him.
“We were here when they came to the sanctuary.” Excitement bubbled from each of Lizzy’s words.
“They were the size of our thumbs.” Both girls held up their thumbs and giggled.
Danica’s lungs burned. She took in a deep breath. She needed to breathe. Passing out was not an option. On second thought, it would be a great distraction and