Amber thought of Pop’s death, what his loss had meant to her and how she’d given up her rodeo career in order to return to the ranch to be with Gram and to help her through it.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
“So am I. It wasn’t easy to step in and take over the helm of the family holdings and investments—but not because I couldn’t handle it. My father had trained me well, and I was already doing much of that when he died. The difficult part was that I suffered more than just the loss of my father and the family patriarch. I lost my best friend and confidant.”
The grief he still carried after four years was etched deeply in his face, and her heart went out to him.
“I suspect that you handled it all with grace—and that you did your best to take care of everyone else.”
“My father would have expected it. And my mother needed me to be strong.”
“Did you have anyone to lean on at the time?”
What she was really asking was if he had a girlfriend or a significant other in his life. But even though it had come out innocently and seemed like a natural question to ask, she knew better and winced at her inappropriate curiosity, especially at a time when he was sharing his heart.
It was just that she’d like to have a small part of his heart—if he’d only give it to her.
“I started to talk to my mum about it one day,” he admitted, “but she was so heartbroken herself, I couldn’t burden her with my grief.”
“What about friends or...someone else?” There she went again, probably sounding like an insecure teenager, prying about the other women in his life when she ought to wait for a more opportune time.
But Amber would have given anything to be the one who’d comforted him back then, the one he could have opened up to.
“I realize the tabloids all seem to say that I’m one of England’s most eligible bachelors. And while I do attend plenty of social events and usually have a lady on my arm, that’s merely an image I project.”
“I can’t believe women aren’t clamoring to date you,” she said, a green twinge of jealousy rising up inside.
“Perhaps they are. But my life isn’t as glamorous as it seems.”
The life he lived didn’t seem the least bit glamorous to her—not if he didn’t love her back and she couldn’t be a part of it.
“Every time I appear in public with a woman, the gossip columns predict a wedding. And if I go on my own, without a date, they wax poetic about why I won’t commit.”
“That must be aggravating.”
“It is. I’m very careful about what I do and the image I project—just as my father was. I wouldn’t do anything to soil the family name. But I’ve learned to take those tabloid headlines in stride. I’m stronger than my sister Amelia in that respect. She went through terrible turmoil last spring when they falsely announced her engagement to Lord James Banning. So don’t believe everything you read.”
She leaned back in her chair, somewhat comforted. “So no ladies back home are spitting nails because you showed up in the tabloids kissing a Texas cowgirl?”
“Absolutely not. I wouldn’t have done what we did the other night if I was involved with anyone that way.”
Of course he wouldn’t. Amber would expect nothing less of the prim and proper Jensen, but it still felt good to hear him say it out loud.
“So what about you?” he asked, changing the subject. “Did it hurt to give up the rodeo?”
“I told my grandmother that I’d grown tired of the traveling and being away from home. But Gram is my only family. And I didn’t want her to think I’d sacrificed my dreams to be with her while she grieved.”
The maître d’ came by to take their orders—the prime rib for him and the herb chicken and red potatoes for her.
She assumed the topic of their conversation would change, but after he left, Jensen asked, “Why the rodeo?”
“Because I’m good at it, for one thing. But I also did it for Pop. My dad used to compete, which tickled him to no end. But when he married my mom, she thought bronc riding was too dangerous. So he gave it up, moved to Houston and got an office job. After my dad died, she couldn’t support me on her own. So she moved home to the Broken R.”
“Then you took up barrel racing?”
She smiled. “I couldn’t ride broncs, but it was a way to compete in the rodeo—and to make my pop proud.”
“From what I heard, you were a natural.”
“That’s what Pop said.”
“So you just gave it up? Just like that?”
She bit down on her bottom lip. She could probably let it slip now—at least some of it. “Yes, I gave it up, but I have an opportunity to ride again. Not in the rodeo, but as part of the Cowboy Country USA Wild West Show.”
He stiffened, and she wished she had kept it to herself. Heck, she’d implied that the whole thing was still under consideration. What would he say or do if he knew she was already committed?
The maître d’ came by with their salads, and the conversation stalled for a while.
She’d been prepared for a gradual change of subject, but not for the silence that followed. But maybe Jensen was just being introspective.
“Does that bother you that I might ride in the Wild West Show?” she asked.
“Of course not. It sounds like a reasonable compromise.”
Did it?
Maybe she should give him some time to chew on it before she told him that she was not only committed, but legally bound.
When their dinner was served, they made small talk while they ate. But the sooner it came time for the bill to be paid and for them to go their own ways, the more Amber’s stomach rebelled at the roasted red potatoes and the herb chicken.
She’d give anything to take Jensen home with her or to drive off to a place where they could be alone, but it looked as though they’d be getting into separate vehicles again tonight.
Even after what they’d shared in the loft.
Her stomach knotted, and she pushed her plate aside even though it was still laden with enough leftover to take home for lunch tomorrow.
Finally, she lifted her goblet and took a sip of wine, preparing to bolster her courage.
“It’s a shame nothing can come of a relationship between the two of us,” she said, hoping and praying he’d tell her she was wrong.
Jensen reached out and placed his hand over hers, enveloping her with warmth. “As much as I’d like to argue, I can’t see how it could.”
In spite of the fact that she’d known all along that they’d never have a life together, Jensen’s words drove a spike in Amber’s heart dead center, creating a crack that threatened to break it in two.
Still, as long as he remained in town, she was determined to spend as much quality time with him as she could.
Because when he left Texas, he’d made it clear that the only part of his life she could claim wouldn’t be his future.
It would be his past.