Alexis huffed and reached across the table, taking one of Lucy’s hands in her own. “Isn’t that just like a man? To pick the worst possible moment, when we’re not thinking straight, to say something like I love you for the first time.”
“I’ve hurt him so badly. He won’t have anything to do with me now.”
“Honey, all you have to do is tell him that you love him too.”
“What if he’s changed his mind?”
Alexis snorted. “He’d be crazy if he did.”
“We barely speak.”
“I don’t think you’re giving him or yourself enough credit. He doesn’t strike me as a man who gives up on someone he loves.”
Could she convince Ryan of her love? “I don’t know...”
“Lucy, you’ve changed. You’re more self-sufficient. More confident. Almost outspoken. You do it the same way you came to talk to me. Make Ryan listen. If he doesn’t, it’s his loss.”
Lucy’s greatest fear was that it would be her loss too.
* * *
Ryan clicked a computer key, making the screen go black. Matherson’s email requested that he and Lucy meet with him to discuss the co-ordinated patient care project. He and Lucy hadn’t had a real conversation other than that short one in the park in over a week. She’d not even shown up for evening rounds the day before. He hadn’t wanted to wonder where she was or, worse, worry about her. He’d done both.
She’d started to treat New York more like home but she could still easily get lost. As tender-hearted as she was, she could even be guided wrongly by someone in the subway. He loved her and was intensely concerned. Nothing between them had diminished since the night she’d pushed him out of her life. The separation made his ache for her bottomless. He wanted her not to matter but regardless of what he did he couldn’t get her out of his mind and heart.
He hated to admit to the mountain-sized relief he’d felt when she’d slipped into the clinic examination room that afternoon during Miguel Rivera’s post-surgery check-up. Doing a double-take, he’d looked at her again. She’d cut her hair. It was loose and flowing, touching the top of her shoulders. His heart had skipped. She’d looked gorgeous. As much as he loved her hair, this version was every bit as breathtaking as the other.
Lucy had replaced her rather drab clothes with a straight skirt, a blouse of light blue and a multicolored sweater that showed off her breasts to their best advantage. Was she trying to kill him? He was confused. What was happening here?
Miguel’s mother’s face lit up when she saw Lucy. After she’d spoken to the mother, she looked at him and gave him a shy smile.
She kept the sucker punches coming. She hadn’t met his look straight on in days, much less smiled at him. He didn’t know what had happened to make her change her reaction to him but he wouldn’t complain. Still, he couldn’t let her super-sexy smile fool him into believing that she wanted anything more than a stable working relationship. He wouldn’t let her stomp on his heart again. Heck, she was still stomping on it. His sense of self-preservation refused to let her know what she was doing to him.
What she’d said to him in the park about him letting his father’s illness control his life had made him mad. He’d stewed over it. Where did she get off, telling him something like that? When his temper had cooled he’d realized that she might be right.
Ryan cleared his throat and said flatly, “Will you translate?”
Her smile faded. “Yes.” Her professional armor slid into place.
He smiled at the mother. “Please tell her that Miguel’s doing well. And that she’s been doing a fine job in caring for the wound.”
He waited while Lucy relayed his remark.
Miguel’s mother smiled at Ryan. “Gracias.”
It did feel good to have a parent look at him with something more than disappointment. With his examination completed he said, “Please bring Miguel in to see me again in six weeks. I hope you are taking care of yourself also.” Lucy repeated his request in Spanish with a slight smile on her face. While she was doing so, he picked up Miguel. “He’s a handsome boy.” Ryan smiled at the mother again.
The mother said something to Lucy and giggled, before taking Miguel and heading towards the door. Lucy responded with a grin. He raised his chin in question.
“She said you’re handsome also. I agreed,” she said, so softly he wasn’t sure he’d heard it.
“You got Matherson’s email?”
Her smile slipped. “I did.”
“I’ll see you there, then.”
“Sure.” She looked at him as if she wanted to say more. When she didn’t, he left. If he stayed any longer he was afraid he might do something he’d regret. Like take her in his arms and beg her to reconsider. Tell her he’d do anything to work things out between them.
LUCY CONTINUED DOWN the corridor, paying special attention to the signs directing her to the HR department. The enormous hospital still intimidated her when she got off her beaten path. She’d not returned to the HR department since the day she and Ryan had met. She didn’t remember much about how she’d gotten there and certainly recalled little from Ryan’s guided trip other than his displeasure.
She’d checked her emails in the hope he’d offer to walk down with her, but after their few terse words during Miguel’s clinic visit she’d not been surprised when there had been none. She’d hurt him so deeply that his gentleman’s manners were slipping where she was concerned.
He remained polite, which was the O’Doherty way, but there was a ten-foot-high, eight-foot-thick wall around him with no door for her to beat on. He still charmed the nurses and the children but there was a look in his eyes that she couldn’t quite put a name to, or didn’t want to. She’d give anything to see him grin at her.
With relief and only one double back, she pushed the HR door open to find Ryan already there. He reclined in a chair, his white lab coat unbuttoned. His tie looked as if he’d tugged on it in irritation and his hair was in disarray. He glanced at the clock on the wall. She smiled to herself. He knew she had a hard time finding her way around the hospital. It served him right to have to wait since he’d not offered to walk down with her.
He looked tired. There had been a number of new cases in the last few days but his weariness seemed to come from deeper inside. His eyes lacked that twinkle she’d grown accustomed to and loved. Had she been the cause of that luster disappearing? If she’d thought he would allow it, she would have taken him in her arms.
Was he sleeping as poorly as she was? Even though she and Alexis had cleared the air, her life still had a gaping hole. What she missed sat in front of her, but he might as well be a hundred miles away. Ryan had never looked less approachable.
Ryan glanced at her and she gave him a hesitant smile. He didn’t return it. Would he ever forgive her?
She glanced to where the receptionist should be sitting and saw no one then looked at Ryan. “Where’s the receptionist? Does Matherson know you’re here?”
“No one was around when I got here. I knew you would probably be late so I was waiting before I looked for Matherson.”
He stood. His somewhat unruly locks looked even more so, as if he’d been running his hands through it regularly. She wished she could. The thought did her no good. Only made her want what she couldn’t have.
Ryan straightened his lab coat then stepped toward her. Her breath caught. Was he going to touch her? Instead, he stepped past her. Sorrow filled