Hannah told herself he wasn’t trying to be insulting as she absorbed his words. ‘And if I can’t?’
He met her eyes, all that softness having left lips which were now hard and unsmiling. ‘Then we’re in trouble.’
Hannah thought they were in trouble now. Deep trouble. Her instinct after hearing such a terrible story would have been to have taken her husband in her arms and held him close. To have stroked the raven darkness of his hair with fingers intended to comfort, because comfort was something she was good at—she’d comforted Tamsyn time and time again when her little sister had sobbed into her neck during their neglected childhood. But Kulal mistrusted closeness. He didn’t want affection unless it involved sex—and suddenly Hannah realised that his revelation had the power to change everything. Would it make her feel ridiculously self-conscious around him? If she was extra-tender towards him in bed would he think she was developing a love for him which might one day border on the obsessive, like his mother’s? Was she going to have to walk on eggshells whenever she was in his company, terrified he would misinterpret the simplest of gestures? And all that in addition to being in the inevitable spotlight of royal life...
Could she bear it?
Turning away from him, she walked over to the shutters, pulling them open to let in the bright light which flooded into the room. It should have been a symbolic lightening, but the atmosphere remained dark and heavy as Hannah stared outside. Their bedroom overlooked the rose garden, where a beautiful fountain was sending sprays of water arcing through the air in a shimmer of rainbows, but today the simple beauty of the scene made her feel unbearably sad. Often she would sit in the shade of the veranda outside, just enjoying her book in the peace of the afternoon. But somehow she could never imagine doing that again, because her newfound knowledge had changed everything. Her eyes had been opened and she could no longer pretend.
And that was the problem. Before, she could allow herself to daydream about her husband and hope they would get closer. Actually, what she’d secretly wanted was for them to fall in love. But that was never going to happen. Kulal would never allow it to happen—but at least now he’d given her a reason. Why wouldn’t he run screaming from love, when his mother hadn’t shown him or his brother any? When she’d made a mockery of the word by sacrificing herself on the altar of her broken dreams.
‘I don’t know,’ she said huskily and saw his black eyes narrow. ‘I don’t know whether I can live like that, Kulal.’
He inclined his head. ‘Thank you for your honesty, at least.’
‘And if I can’t, what then?’
His frown deepened as her words tailed off. ‘You’ll have to be a little more specific than that.’
She supposed she should be grateful that they were discussing the flaws in their marriage so openly, but it was cold comfort indeed. She looked him straight in the eyes and dared voice the fear which had been nagging at her from the very start. ‘If I decided I couldn’t endure this life, would you try to stop me from bringing up our baby as a single mother?’
Clenching and unclenching fists hidden by the silken folds of his robes, Kulal glowered. If she’d asked him this question even a few weeks ago, the answer would have been an emphatic yes. He would have told her that such a proposition was out of the question. He would have used his wealth and his power to cut Hannah out of their child’s life as much as possible. To sideline her and ensure their baby could be brought up as a Zahristan citizen, rather than as a westerner. But that was before he had grown to know her better. Before he’d realised that the pain of her own past had made her into the person she was. She would be a good mother, he recognised instinctively, and it would be wrong to wrench her from her child.
Yet the alternative was something he couldn’t bear to contemplate. Surely she didn’t imagine he would allow her to bring his son or daughter up in England, thus denying his child its royal roots and all that went with that?
‘I don’t know,’ he said savagely, which was as close to the truth as he dared go. ‘Obviously, the best solution would be for you to remain here. I have pledged to you my fidelity and now you will understand why I would never go back on that promise. If you can settle for friendship and respect, as well as the rare chemistry which exists between us—I think we could have a very satisfactory life together.’
He wasn’t offering the moon and the stars, but at least he was being honest—and couldn’t that be enough? Hannah licked her lips. She didn’t know. But if she couldn’t accept the limitations of their relationship, then she was going to be very unhappy. And she couldn’t afford to be unhappy. Not for their baby’s sake. Not for Kulal’s, either. How could she bear to put him through any more pain when he’d already suffered so much already? The unwilling King who had made a success of the role which had been forced upon him.
But making promises she might not be able to keep was dangerous and what he was asking was too important to fire off an answer without thinking it through. Even though she had told him her love was unconditional and she wanted nothing in return, what if she couldn’t stick to that? What if she found herself yearning for more than Kulal was ever capable of giving her? Wouldn’t that drive a terrible wedge between them?
‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I...I need time to think.’
‘How much time?’
She met his searing black gaze and for the first time since she’d known him, Hannah felt like his equal. It was as if all that had happened had given her the strength to finally shake off the insecurities which had helped define her for so long. Proudly, she tilted her chin. ‘As long as it takes.’
He shook his head. ‘That’s not good enough, Hannah,’ he clipped out. ‘You’re pregnant. We need some sort of timescale.’
‘Is a week reasonable?’
‘That depends,’ he growled. ‘You must know that I’m reluctant to let you return to England.’
‘Scared I won’t come back?’
‘You think I’d let you run away?’ he challenged softly.
But the crazy thing was that Hannah had no desire to go back home to work this out. It wasn’t as if she had any sanctuary there—just a stubborn little sister who seemed to have slipped entirely off the radar since the night of the wedding. She didn’t even have a home of her own any more. She didn’t want England, with all its associations and familiarities, clogging up her head as she tried to work out what was best for everyone.
‘No,’ she said. ‘I want peace and quiet. I’d like to go to your beach house.’
‘On your own?’
‘Isn’t that the whole point?’
He looked at her for a long moment before he nodded. ‘Very well,’ he said, at last.
She supposed it was a victory of sorts but somehow it felt hollow. His words sounded so distant as they matched that cool new expression on his face. Almost as if he was already beginning to detach himself from her. As if he was practising for a different kind of ending. Maybe he would be the one to make the decision for both of them. What if time spent apart made him realise he didn’t want a wife, after all? There was nothing to prevent him from using his mighty power to gain custody of their baby and returning to his life of a single man. Hannah bit her lip. And wouldn’t she have facilitated that, with her insistence of demanding time away in order to think?
But it was too late to change her mind. Too late to do anything other than watch as Kulal headed towards the double doors, his lips unsmiling as he slammed his way out of the room without a backward glance.
Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.
Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».
Прочитайте