‘No,’ Anton said. ‘Have you?’
‘God, no,’ Louise said.
‘Have you ever come close?’
‘No,’ Louise admitted.
‘You and Rory?’
Louise laughed and shook her head. ‘We were only together a few weeks. Just when we started going out I found that it was likely that I was going to have issues getting pregnant. It was terrible timing because it was all I could think about. Poor Rory, he started going out with a happy person and when the doctor broke the news I just plunged into despair. It wasn’t his baby I wanted, just the thought I might never have one. It was just all too much for him …’ She looked at Anton. ‘I think I was just low at that time and that’s why I must have taken my bastard alert glasses off. I’ve made a few poor choices with men since then.’ She closed her eyes. ‘None worse than Wesley, though.’
‘How bad did it get?’ Anton asked, but Louise couldn’t go there and she shook her head.
‘What about you?’ Louise asked. ‘Have you been serious with anyone?’
‘Not really, well, there was one who came close …’ It was Anton who stopped talking then.
Anton who shook his head.
He simply couldn’t go there with someone who might just want him for a matter of weeks.
‘CAN YOU KEEP a close eye on Felicity in seven?’ Anton asked. ‘She’s upset because her husband has been unable to get a flight back till later this evening.’
Felicity was one of Anton’s high-risk pregnancies and finally the day had arrived where she would meet her baby, but her husband was in Germany with work.
‘How is she doing?’ Louise asked.
‘Very slowly,’ Anton said. ‘Hopefully he’ll get here in time.’ He picked up a parcel, beautifully wrapped by Louise. ‘I’m going to give this to Shirley now. She’s only in this morning to sort out my diary before she takes three weeks off. Then I will be in the antenatal clinic. Call me if you have any concerns.’
‘Yes, Anton,’ Louise sighed.
Anton heard her sigh but it did not bother him.
Things were not going to change at work. In fact, he was more overbearing if anything, just because he didn’t want a mistake to come between them.
‘This is for you,’ Anton said, as he went into Shirley’s office. ‘I just wanted to thank you for all your hard work this year and to say merry Christmas.’
‘Thank you, Anton.’ Shirley smiled.
‘I hope you have a lovely break.’
He went to go, even as she opened it, but her cry of surprise had him turn around.
‘How?’
Anton stared. His usually calm secretary was shaking as she spoke.
‘How did you manage to get this—there were only twenty places.’
‘I got there early.’
‘You lined up to get me this! Oh, my …’
Anton felt a little guilt at her obvious delight. It really had been far from a hardship to be huddled in a queue with Louise, but it was Shirley’s utter shock too that caused more than a little disquiet.
‘I never thought …’ Shirley started and then stopped. She could hardly say she’d been expecting some bland present from her miserable boss. ‘It’s wonderful,’ she said instead.
God, Anton thought, was he that bad that a simple nice gesture could reduce a staff member to tears?
Yes.
He nodded to Helen, the antenatal nurse who would be working alongside him, and he saw that she gave a slightly strained one back.
Things had to change, Anton realised.
He had to learn to let go a little.
But how?
‘How are things?’ Louise asked, as she walked into Felicity’s room with the CTG machine.
‘They’re just uncomfortable,’ Felicity said. She was determined to have a natural birth and had refused an epidural or anything for pain. ‘I’m going to try and have a sleep.’
‘Do,’ Louise said. ‘Do you want me to close the curtains?’
Felicity nodded.
Brenda popped her head in the door. ‘Are you going to lunch, Louise?’
‘In a minute,’ Louise said. ‘I’m just doing some obs.’ Both Felicity and the baby seemed fine. ‘I’ll leave this on while I have my lunch,’ Louise said about the CTG machine, and Felicity nodded. ‘Then later we might have a little walk around, but for now just try and get some rest.’
She closed the curtains and moved a blanket over Felicity, who was half-asleep, and left her to the sound of her baby’s heartbeat. Louise would check the tracing when she came back from her break and see the pattern of the contractions.
‘Press the bell if you need anything and I’ll be here.’
‘But you’re going to lunch.’
‘Yep, but that buzzer is set for me, so just you press it if you need to.’
‘Thanks, Louise,’ Felicity said. ‘What time are you here till?’
Louise thought before answering. ‘I’m not sure.’
Louise left the door just a little open so that her colleagues could easily pop in and out and could hear the CTG, then headed to the fridge and got out her lunch.
‘Fancy company?’ Louise asked Emily as she knocked on her open door.
‘Oh, yes!’ Emily sat up in the bed. ‘How was the party?’
‘Excellent.’
‘Why didn’t you text me all weekend?’
‘I did!’ Louise said.
‘Five-thirty on a Sunday evening suggests to me you were otherwise engaged.’
‘I was busy,’ Louise said, ‘Christmas shopping!’
‘You lie,’ Emily said.
‘Actually, I need to charge my phone,’ Louise said, because she hadn’t been back home since being at Anton’s. ‘Can I borrow your charger?’
‘Sure.’ Emily smiled. ‘That’s not like you.’
Louise said nothing. She certainly wasn’t going to admit to Emily her three-night fest with Anton. As she plugged in her phone and sat down, the background noise of Felicity’s baby’s heartbeat slowed. Louise was so tuned into that noise, as all midwives were, and she didn’t like what she had just heard.
‘Are you okay?’ Emily asked.
‘I think I’ve got restless leg syndrome.’ Louise gave a light response. ‘I’m just going to check on someone and then I’ll be back.’
She went quietly into Felicity’s room. Felicity was dozing and Louise warmed her hand and then slipped it on Felicity’s stomach, watching the monitor and patiently waiting for a contraction to come.
‘It’s just me,’ Louise whispered, as Felicity woke up as a contraction deepened and Emily watched as the baby’s heart rate dipped. She checked Felicity’s pulse to make sure the slower