Grandkids might help sway her.
He shut down that thought real fast. Too much, too soon.
Trish sat back as the waitress appeared with their food. “Cameron O’Clery, you don’t fool me. For all your snarling, you’re a good man.”
I want to be your man.
* * *
Trish turned the conversation to lighter topics as they ate, but she kept thinking about the look on Cameron’s face when he talked about his parents. Love. He loved them without reservation, without caveats, without complications. She wished things were that simple with her parents. There was plenty of blame for that to go around, though. They might have held too tightly to her, but she’d been so damn determined to put miles between herself and her childhood home. To be free.
She still wanted that.
The thought soured her stomach and she pushed her food around on her plate, conscious of the way Cameron watched her. Faking her way out of her melancholy mood wouldn’t work with him—he’d more than proven that—and she didn’t have any backup plan. A sweet smile and soft tone had always worked as deflection up to this point.
She was stripped bare for this man, and it wasn’t comfortable in the least. How could she have barriers in place to keep herself safe when he saw through every defensive measure she took? “Stop that.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop looking at me like you want to crawl around inside my brain.”
Cameron didn’t look away. “Would you like to fight with me over nothing? Or would you rather talk about what’s bothering you?”
Lord, even in this, he somehow managed to cut through all the bullshit she’d thrown in his way, right to the heart of her.
Maybe... Maybe it would be a good thing to talk about the soul-crushing realities she carried around with her. If that wasn’t enough to scare him off, maybe this could actually work. The thought made her snort.
“Trish?”
“Okay, fine. I was just thinking about how all I want is freedom—and how it’s the one thing that I seem to miss by a mile no matter what I do.”
Cameron leaned back, giving her his full attention. “Explain.”
“I’d like to pretend I’m free right now. I have my own apartment. I have a job I actually enjoy. I’m in London.”
“You’re saying you don’t feel free.”
It was as if his words opened the floodgates. She couldn’t hold back the barrage of words that poured from her lips. “Because I’m not free. My awesome apartment? My brother paid for me to get into it, because my bank account was dangerously close to red before I got this job. The same job that Aaron set up for me, despite my qualifications being totally not up to par. Am I really any freer now than when I was living in my old bedroom in my parent’s house?”
“Yes.” Cameron frowned. “Aaron must know you well enough that you’ve set up some kind of payment plan to repay him for the money he fronted you.”
“Well...yeah. He did do that. But—”
Except Cameron wasn’t done. “And I’ll admit I had my doubts when he suggested you for the position, but you’ve proven to be more qualified than I could have dreamed. You’re an asset, Trish. It strikes me that everyone around you can see it, even if you can’t.”
He meant it. Sincerity practically radiated from him, and even if it hadn’t, Cameron wasn’t in a habit of saying things he didn’t mean.
She just wished she could believe it, too. Trish had run so far and so fast, but she kept falling back on the safety net her family represented. She hadn’t truly stood on her own two feet...ever.
Cameron might not understand that, but she did.
Trish took a hasty sip of her water. Better to change the subject than keep trying to convince him she was a continuous disappointment. And, truth be told, it felt kind of nice to have one person look at her like she was this amazingly accomplished woman...even if she hadn’t actually accomplished any of her goals.
Focus. Subject change. You can do this. She leaned forward. “If you’re so into fantasy, have you thought about traveling to New Zealand and seeing The Lord of the Rings stuff they have set up there?”
“You’re trying to change the subject.”
“Correction, I am changing the subject.” When a stubborn look settled over his features, she sighed. “Look, I’m feeling raw and angsty, and I would greatly appreciate it if you’d throw me this bone and talk about your geeky love of all things hobbits and wizards and dwarves.” She met his gaze. “Please, Cameron.”
“Okay.” He gave a surprisingly soft smile. “And yeah, I’ve thought about visiting New Zealand. My mom is a fan of the series, too, so the summer after this one, we’re going. I’ll probably strong-arm them into a longer vacation for that one so we can visit Australia as well.”
When she met Cameron, she never would have guessed he was too good to be true. She still wasn’t sure he was—not when his flaws were readily apparent. But the longer she spent with him, the more the brusque attitude and the painfully truthful comments stopped feeling like flaws and just became part of the man as a whole. “That’s really sweet.”
“I guess.” He got a strange look on his face but masked it almost as soon as it had come. “You do much traveling?”
“Only Stateside. A couple of spring breaks down in Florida. One very memorable road trip to see a Green Bay game with a friend who was a huge fan. Nothing fancy.” She looked around at the restaurant they sat in. It wasn’t fancy, exactly, but it was in London. “Thank you. For bringing me here. To London, I mean. This trip has been surreal in the extreme, but in a good way, and I just... Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me. I needed you to ensure I didn’t fuck up this contract.”
He said that, but she was no longer sure it was the truth. Nikki Lancaster might be standoffish to a criminal degree, but she obviously put her professional goals before any personal slight she might feel after how things fell out with Cameron. And she had the advantage of knowing how he operated, so she would have been prepared to handle him as needed to close the deal. Trish had been mostly ornamental to the whole situation. “You would have done fine.”
“No, Trish. You can claim that now that it’s all said and done, but it’s not the fucking truth.” He shook his head sharply. “There were half a dozen times during that meeting when I started to say something and looked at you—and realized I needed to keep my damn mouth shut. I wouldn’t have bothered to show restraint if you weren’t there. That might not seem like a big deal to you, but it is to me. I value your presence on this trip—and not just because you’re in my bed.”
“But I am in your bed, and that changes things.”
“Yes, it does. And we’ll negotiate as needed when we’re home.”
God, she loved him a little in that moment for not pussyfooting around the truth. No matter how long she stayed on in her current job, there would be an adjustment to how they handled themselves in the office, and if he were anyone else, he would have glossed right over that truth. “Okay.”
He eyed her mostly full plate. “You’re not going to eat, are you?”
“I’m not really hungry,” she admitted.
“We’ll get something on the way back so you can snack as needed.”