The strong, hot coffee, brewed on the gas stove, had further infused him with discipline, so that by the time they were making their way through the deep snow he was in a more amenable mood.
Just as when she’d arrived, Tilly wore her red woollen hat and scarf. Her cheeks were flushed from the freezing wind and a worried look haunted her eyes. Was it really that important to get to her friend’s house? A real friend would understand. These thoughts cluttered his mind, filling it with questions, until Tilly stumbled into a windblown patch of snow, which was far deeper than she’d expected, and with a squeal of shock she flung out her arms.
He caught her instantly, his reactions quick and precise. But instead of letting her go as soon as she was steady on her feet, he held her close. She looked up at him, wide-eyed, and that strange sensation filled his chest, squashing almost all the breath from him. Despite their bundled layers he could feel the heat from her body infusing his and the urge to kiss her was so strong he had to grit his teeth against it.
Again she was testing him. Dio mio. What had she done to him?
He’d pushed her boundaries, knocked them down, all for his own selfish needs, had divulged all his secrets, but he still wanted her.
‘We should continue,’ he managed to say over the thrum of lust. ‘The sky is looking more threatening, as if more snow is on the way.’
* * *
‘So much snow.’ Tilly couldn’t believe it. More snow meant not only being unable to get to Vanessa’s but also being here longer with Xavier. That was something she couldn’t do, especially when he looked at her with such intolerance in his eyes. He didn’t want to be here with her, much less be reminded of the mistake they’d made last night.
Their passion had been all-consuming, totally undeniable. She’d always thought passion caused trouble, that unhappiness was just a kiss away—and it had certainly proved to be true. One kiss had led to last night and now he could barely look at her.
‘We will see what the lanes look like then decide what to do.’ The command in his voice was strong, adding weight to her theory that he now despised her. She’d pushed him to talk, forced him to reveal not just his scars but his feelings. He was shutting himself away, becoming unreachable.
She pulled away from him, away from the burning anger that sparked so vibrantly in his eyes. ‘Even if the lanes are clear, I’ll never get the van out of here.’
Despair flooded through her. Her mind was so full of anxiety she wanted to drop to the snow and give up, but that would be showing weakness and you never let your enemy see that. He may well have been her lover for just those few short hours, but the way he was treating her now he was as good as her enemy.
‘Maybe not, but we could try and get you to the main road and public transport.’
So he was that desperate to be rid of her and the problem created by last night’s passionate encounter that he would pack her up and put her on a bus.
‘It’s snowing, Xavier. Buses will not be running. Not today.’ The spark of fire in her voice shocked her and, judging by the way he looked at her, it had shocked him too. Those coolly assessing eyes held hers and for a moment everything was silent, muffled by the snow and the tension stretching between them.
‘Come.’ The command in his voice was strong and clear, but he held out his hand to her. She looked at it, knowing taking hold of it would change everything. ‘Natalie?’
She took his hand, not knowing why or what she hoped would happen, but she hadn’t anticipated the zing of electricity that zipped up her arm.
‘I don’t like this.’ She’d spoken before she could think. ‘Being stuck here, I mean.’
‘Because of the snow or me?’ He fired the question at her as he strode through the deep snow. Finally they reached the part of the driveway that twisted through the woods and where the depth of snow was less, sheltered by the trees.
‘Both,’ she answered honestly.
They’d reached the small bridge, the stream below, iced at the edges, leaving just a trickle of moving water. He pulled her to a stop, forcing her to face him, but didn’t let go of her hand.
‘What happened last night...’ he began, but she cut him off.
‘No, not now.’ She didn’t want to hear his admission that he’d never meant it to happen, that he’d never intended to make love to her with such passion, because that would be too painful. Last night should have been about just one night. A fling. But she’d let passion rule and with a start she realised she had fallen in love with him.
She had no idea how it had happened, how her feelings had turned to something so powerful, but they had. Now she had to block that out, stop the surge of love that had flowed through her. And she would.
‘Yes, now, Natalie.’ He touched his free hand to her cold face, shocking her into looking at him. ‘Last night needs to be discussed—right now.’
‘No, it doesn’t. It happened. That’s all we need to say.’ She pulled herself free and walked away as best she could through the snow. The shrill call of a blackbird startled by her sudden movement made her falter and he caught hold of her again.
‘Don’t walk away from me, Natalie.’ The gruff harshness of his voice shocked her as it seemed to echo in the snow-covered branches above them.
‘It doesn’t matter if I stand here or walk away, Xavier. Nothing will change what happened. There is nothing we can say that will change that.’
‘Or the fact that it shouldn’t have happened?’ At first she thought he was stating a fact, but the inflection of those last words changed it to a question. Or was that just his accent?
She looked at him, all the fight that had bubbled up inside her evaporating, but he was right. Question or statement, last night should never have happened. Just as she should never have kissed him on New Year’s Eve, they should not have spent last night like lovers. They weren’t lovers and never could be.
‘Last night was a one-off, Xavier. A fling,’ she said firmly, looking directly into his eyes, her strength returning with every breath she took. She’d been scared and had sought comfort in his arms, but had found so much more. She shouldn’t have let her romantic fantasy carry her away, sweeping to one side her ability to think rationally.
* * *
Xavier looked down into her face, watched as the nervous hesitation in her eyes turned to sparks of determination. There were things about last night he regretted, like the fact he’d revealed far too much about himself, but not for one moment did he wish they hadn’t enjoyed the passion that had flowed between them. He didn’t regret making love to her, making her his.
‘A night with a beautiful woman in my arms is not something I am prepared to apologise for, but I can see you would rather it hadn’t happened.’
‘We were seduced by the moment,’ she said quickly, barely acknowledging his last words. ‘Can you honestly say that if we had met at a party in London, we would have spent the night together?’
The reality of those words weren’t lost on him. The fact that they were true didn’t help. It would never have happened.
‘I used you...used last night,’ she continued boldly. ‘I was proving to myself I could move on and now I know I can.’
He let her go, moved away from her, the temptation to kiss her, to taste her lips beneath his just one last time snatched away by her revelation.
‘Then we both got what we wanted.’ The roughness of his words shocked him.
He hadn’t been seduced by the moment, he’d been seduced by her, by her kiss on New Year’s Eve, which had been