A cluttered life often brings lots of debilitating and negative emotions, including stress, guilt, confusion, shame, anger and self-judgement. It’s disheartening if you feel like this every time you open the fridge, a cupboard or a drawer; or even when you look at your computer desktop or email inbox. We all live such busy lives and our mental load is hard enough to carry without these additional problems. In this chapter, I’ve made some of my own suggestions, but if you feel swamped and need help, talking to a life coach and working with them could make all the difference.
As Mary Meadows, an experienced life coach and NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) practitioner, says:
Many of my clients choose to take part in decluttering. Whether they choose to declutter their phones from unused apps or their sock drawer of holey socks, I have yet to coach someone who hasn’t uncluttered part of their life. A recent client shared with me that her sock basket was her nemesis: every morning when she looked inside it and found more pairs of socks needing sorting she thought, I am a bad mother. Every day those words were among the first things that went through her head. Through coaching around this subject, she was able to identify what it was that she needed to do, which patterns of behaviour had to be changed and, ultimately, how to change her perspective on that sock basket. Now she can laugh when it’s mentioned and tells everyone she knows how coaching not only uncluttered her sock basket, but also how she now feels a new sense of confidence, resilience and optimism. It literally changed her life.
Decluttering a small area, whether it’s a cupboard, a drawer or just your handbag, will support your mental health by not only giving you a sense of accomplishment, which is so important, but also creating space inside your head – space to let the good stuff in.
And it really can be a life-changer, as one of my online followers, Jennifer, can testify:
Your Instagram feed has helped me massively, not just to organise my home but also my life. I live with my three children in a two-bedroom flat, which is very hard to keep tidy, but I’ve managed it with your help. It’s so reassuring to know that everything has its place and the children know where to put things. It’s still a work in progress but I’m getting there. Without your tips and ‘before-and-after’ photos I would be living in a very cluttered, messy home.
Remind yourself that it’s OK not to be perfect.
The positive impact of decluttering
Fiona Thomas, mental-health blogger and journalist
In a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin in 2009,2 women who said their homes felt ‘cluttered’ were found to have higher levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) than those who described their homes as ‘restful’ or ‘restorative’. Although cortisol is required for good health, excessive amounts in the body are associated with mood swings and irritability, which puts some people at a higher risk of suffering from depression and anxiety. They are less able to regulate common behaviours like concentration, decision making, judgement and social interaction, and although the link between depression and elevated stress levels is complicated, there is definitely a benefit in trying to reduce stress in order to improve overall wellbeing.
As a mental-health journalist, I encounter hundreds of people, online and offline, who are struggling to deal with depression and anxiety, and one of the universal problems is an inability to deal with an ever-growing list of things to do. Whether it’s paying an overdue utility bill, mailing a letter or renewing a passport, many seem to find these everyday tasks near impossible. I know this is true because I’ve been there myself. I’ve worn dirty clothes for days because I can’t bear to make a dent in a month’s worth of laundry. I’ve shoved piles of unwanted books, shoes and mismatched bikinis under the bed and shamefully snuck under the duvet at two in the afternoon. I’ve let credit-card debt spiral out of control because I can’t bear to pick up the phone to sort out my finances. It’s a well-known fact that depressed people find it difficult to take care of, well, anything. And it’s taken me years to realise that all of this clutter, mental and physical, can be tackled successfully in small steps.
In fact, taking that first tiny step in the right direction can give you the momentum to take the next one, and then the next, until, eventually, balance is restored and, before you know it, you’ll have conquered a mountain of boring tasks, such as cancelling that out-of-date insurance policy and vacuuming behind the sofa.
The positive impact that decluttering can have on our minds should not be underestimated. This doesn’t mean that a well-organised home will lead to infinite happiness, but taking control of your surroundings will most likely help you to feel more in control of life in general. Not only that, but studies have found that people who do simple tasks such as making their bed each morning are 19 per cent more likely to get a good night’s sleep.3 Depression is often the cause of sleep problems, and insomnia can make anxiety substantially more difficult to manage, so let me tell you first-hand that good-quality sleep is one of the simplest ways to address low moods at the onset of anxiety.
However, don’t just take my word for it. I speak to people every day who have found taking control of their clutter has had a tangible impact on their mental wellbeing. For instance, one woman recently told me that tidying for just 10 minutes helped calm her mind and that putting each item back in its rightful home is representative of the mental burden she carries around all day. The act of having clear physical surroundings helps her mind feel just as organised. I’ve also spoken to psychologists who champion the soothing effect of clearing out when it comes to managing the symptoms of mental illness. One told me that the weight of responsibility we feel when we’re overwhelmed is lightened, and it gives us a sense of mastery, action and pleasure which can alleviate the air of hopelessness that often accompanies depression.
Unfortunately, knowing that decluttering has an elusive healing power doesn’t automatically mean that people with depression and anxiety can easily get on board. Feeling sluggish, tearful and unable to get out of bed is hard enough, so the seemingly small act of reaching for a duster can take days or even weeks of self-motivation to put into action. In the same way that exercise, a balanced diet and talking therapy can aid in recovery for mental illness, I can say with confidence that tidying up is just as important.
The great thing about TGCO is that there are no unrealistic standards to live up to. If all you managed to do was take out the bin today, then that’s OK, because small steps lead to more steps and before you know it, you’ll be standing in the light, feeling organised and ready to take on the world.
Starting small is better than not starting at all.
10 ways to . . .
a tidy and calm you
Successful decluttering is all about being relaxed yet organised. If you feel in control and chilled about all the jobs you have to do, the task will not only be much easier, but also more enjoyable. Here are some tips and hints on how to have a tidy house … and mind:
1.
MAKE YOUR BED FIRST THING IN THE MORNING
It’s a small accomplishment, but it will set the tone for the rest of the day. Your bedroom should be your sanctuary and a made bed will make it look put together and tidy. This will help you declutter your space and, in turn, your mind.
2.
PLAN THE WEEK AHEAD EVERY SUNDAY
When you have a plan, you’ll start each day with focus. Planning can reduce stress and will make you more productive. You’ll feel more in control because you won’t have to worry about what is happening tomorrow or the next day.
3.
DO AN INVENTORY OF EVERY ROOM
You should know what you have in your home. While you’re decluttering, make a list of everything important