Could a man change that much?
With God, anything was possible. If Caleb had changed, why continue to deny he was David’s father? He no longer had an obligation to marry her sister or take care of David. Admitting the truth wouldn’t change anything except to free his soul from the burden of his lie. It didn’t make sense.
Perhaps he was too prideful to admit the truth. That she could believe, yet it was too simple an answer. There had to be more. Something was holding Caleb apart from the Amish community and from his family. Something painful. What was it?
Chapter Four
Caleb turned his truck onto the narrow dirt lane leading to his childhood home and stopped. It was almost dark. A crimson band of clouds in the west marked the end of the day and a new start to Joy’s life.
Up ahead, a large two-story white farmhouse stood nestled into the slope of a hill. It was backed by a thick stand of trees. Their branches were bare now, a mat of dark lines scratching against the bloodred sky. His mother’s laundry hung freeze-drying in the winter air from the clothesline at the side of the house. White sheets, blue dresses, blue work shirts, black aprons and dark denim pants. The color palette was the same as it had been throughout his childhood.
He’d thought he was prepared to come back, but he wasn’t. A rush of emotions and memories hit him like a truck and then parked on his chest, making it hard to breathe. Scenes from the wonderful years of his youth and the heartbreaking months before he left flickered through his mind like old movie clips.
Working in the fields with his father, driving a team of mules for the first time. Hot summertime days spent shucking corn, followed by a dip in the cool river with his brother. His mother, calling everyone in to eat the most wonderful meals. His father, bowing his head in prayer. They were good memories.
Then there were the not-so-good memories. The wreck that scarred Rhonda. The bitter arguments with his parents during his rumspringa, his teenage years, when he tried to sample all that wasn’t Amish. He was introduced to Valerie during that time at a friend’s house in Cleveland. She was quite simply the most exciting woman he’d ever met. To remain Amish or to go out into the English world became a real question in his mind for the first time.
Then Rhonda Belier’s accusation that he was the father of her unborn babe changed everything. No matter how he denied it, his family expected him to do the right thing and marry her. Nothing he said made any difference until the night he flatly refused to marry her in front of both their families. Leah had been there, but he’d barely noticed her in the room. How did she remember that night? He kept begging Rhonda to admit the truth, but her silence had condemned him. It was the worst night of his life.
What followed was an unofficial shunning by his father. For days, Ike Mast acted as if Caleb wasn’t present. He was waiting for a confession that his son couldn’t make. Caleb wouldn’t take the blame. Not this time. As painful as his father’s shunning had been, it was Wayne’s refusal to believe Caleb that had finally driven him away.
He shook off the disturbing images from his past and looked around. This stretch of farmland amid the gentle rolling hills of Ohio was, and always would be, home. Too bad it wasn’t where he belonged.
What would his life have been like if he had stayed? He couldn’t imagine bending far enough to fit into the mold he had been expected to fill.
If he had married Rhonda, Leah would be married to Wayne and not teaching school. She might have children of her own by now. She would make a good mother. She certainly had a way with Joy.
Why hadn’t she married? Was her love for Wayne so strong that she couldn’t care for another? He hoped that wasn’t the case. Watching the man she loved marry her sister couldn’t have been easy. What was their relationship like now? Did Wayne love his wife and the child that wasn’t his? What must that be like?
Caleb rubbed a hand over the stubble on his cheeks. His actions had affected far more people than he knew. Leaving had seemed like his only option, but had it been a mistake?
Joy, on the front seat beside him, stretched to see over the dashboard. Was he making another mistake bringing her here? He could turn around now and find a job somewhere, working on an oil rig that wasn’t a hundred miles out in the Gulf. He could be home every night. There had to be someplace they could belong and make a go of it.
Even as the thought came to him, he realized Joy hadn’t been happy since she had come to him. This was his last hope.
She pointed off to the side. “I see tepees. Lots of them.”
The field on the left-hand side of the lane had shocks of cornstalks stacked to provide winter feed for the animals. The long lines of bundles stretched in straight rows across the twenty-acre field. It was hot, itchy work in the summer, piling the stalks together and tying the tops so they would cure properly and not blow over in the wind. He didn’t miss that job.
“They aren’t tepees, but they do look like them. They’re cornstalks.”
“They don’t look like corn.”
“They don’t?”
“No, corn is yellow and it comes from a can.”
He smiled. She had a lot to learn about living on a farm. He hadn’t prayed much in the past nine years, but he silently sent up a plea now. Please, Lord. Let this be the right decision for her.
He drove down the lane and stopped in front of the house. A buggy with a black horse in harness stood at the front gate. Did it belong to his folks or did they have company?
For Joy’s sake, he didn’t want his reunion to occur in front of strangers. He considered driving away, but the front door opened and his mother came out. She stood on the steps, watching him.
He looked at his daughter. There had been so much upheaval in her life. Was he doing the right thing by bringing her here? He couldn’t manage on his own. He had tried and failed miserably. He had to believe this was the right thing. “Are you ready to meet your grandparents?”
She shrank back in the seat. “What if they don’t like me?”
“They will love you.”
“What if they laugh at me or call me stupid?”
He took her chin in his fingers and tilted her face toward him. “I know this is very hard for you. I wish things were different, but they aren’t. Do you see that woman standing in the doorway? She is your grandma. I’m one hundred percent certain that she will never laugh at you, never make fun of you. She will love you with her whole heart and soul.”
“You promise?”
“I promise. She’s waiting to meet you. Are you ready?”
“I guess.”
“Then I guess I’m ready, too.” That was a lie. Petrified was closer to the truth.
Opening the truck door, he stepped out. His mother came rushing toward him. Behind her, he saw his father looking on from the doorway. Ike Mast did not rush out. He turned away and went back inside. Caleb swallowed the hurt. It was what he had expected.
His mother’s steps faltered as she drew near. Her hands were clenched tightly together in front of her. Her eyes searched his face. “Caleb, is it really you?”
He was stunned to see how much she had aged. A black prayer kapp covered her gray-streaked hair. She wore a black apron over a blue dress like the ones on the clothesline. She hadn’t bothered to put on a coat.
“Ja, Mamm, it’s me.” His throat closed with emotion. He couldn’t say another word. None was needed. With a glad cry, she launched herself at him and threw her arms around him.
“Mein sohn es home. Gott be praised.”
He held her for a long moment as he struggled to regain his composure. She was