That was his first thought.
The second was there was no way in hell. Zane was his and he had to think about his son now. About what this would do to him. Jude had always told him the truth. Zane was about five when he’d first asked about his mother. He wanted to know why he didn’t have one. He almost thought that was normal since his cousin Eden hadn’t had one, either. But Zane was smart and he soon realized that most of his friends had mothers.
At that time Jude had glossed over most of the story and said Zane’s mother had wanted to further her education and had left for college.
As he grew older, Zane asked more questions and Jude decided then not to lie to him, because he knew his father would never have lied to him. Again, he told him how young they’d been and how they hadn’t known anything about babies and they had decided to give him up for adoption so he could have a good life. Jude tried to sound matter-of-fact about what had happened, but Zane knew his mother had given him away.
He glanced at the paper one more time. Paige was returning to Horseshoe. How did he tell her what he’d done?
Or did he need to?
She’d made her choice and he’d made his.
But... That but carried a whole lot of guilt that was gnawing away at his insides.
Paige Wheeler, Zane’s mother, would be back in Horseshoe.
Soon.
The knot tightened.
Nausea churned in Paige’s stomach as the plane touched down in Austin, Texas. She took several deep breaths to calm herself. She’d never expected going home would make her sick.
“Are you all right, dear?” the elderly woman next to her asked.
Paige took another deep breath. “Yes, I guess I’m just a little nervous.”
“I was like that the first time I flew, but you get used to it.”
Paige smiled patiently at the woman, not wanting to explain her nervous stomach had nothing to do with flying. It had to do with facing her past and all the mistakes she’d made. Actually, just one mistake. The big one that haunted her days and nights.
Passengers began to stand and Paige reached for her carryall to join the queue leaving the plane. She navigated the airport and quickly made it to the baggage carousel to retrieve her luggage. Holding her suitcase, she looked around for her sister and saw her across the room, waving.
Time stood still for a moment as she gazed at the sister who had been a lifeline. Staci was two years older and had taken care of Paige, especially when their mother was on one of her rampages. And that had been quite often when she’d been drinking. Their mother had blamed them for her lousy life and she’d taken it out on them whenever she could.
She’d never hit them. That would have left bruises. She’d used words that left scars buried deep inside, scars that would never heal. Their brother, Luke, had joined the army right out of high school and that had left Staci and Paige to fend for themselves.
There’d always been men in their mother’s life. The three of them all had different fathers, whose identities were a mystery to them and surely to their mother, too. Paige used to search the faces of men in town trying to find a resemblance, but she’d soon given up, knowing it wouldn’t make any difference. But she would always wonder. That was just human nature.
A lousy childhood had not prepared her for the real world. Her dream was to leave Horseshoe and to get as far away from her mother as she could. That was why she’d studied constantly and gotten good grades—to win a scholarship so she could get out of a home life where she was criticized and demeaned.
Her ticket out had come with a price. One she’d thought she could pay, but she’d been wrong. The price was too high. A naive, troubled girl didn’t realize it at the time. And she would pay that price for the rest of her life.
She walked toward her sister, carrying her luggage. Staci looked much the same, only older. They’d once had the same mousy-brown hair, as her mother had called it. When Paige was little, she thought she had mice in her hair. She hadn’t quite understood the description. When she was older, she knew it was just one more criticism her mother had heaped upon her.
Other than that, they didn’t resemble each other. And their looks had changed some over the years. With the help of a good stylist, Staci’s hair was now a darker brown, which looked great with her blue eyes. Paige had trimmed and highlighted her thick tresses so she was now more of a blonde with dark green eyes. Their brother had brown eyes. They were an eclectic mix or a hodgepodge of their mother’s love life.
Paige dropped her suitcase and hugged her sister tightly. She’d missed her. But not as much as she’d missed... She couldn’t think his name. She just couldn’t. Or the nausea would come back.
Staci drew back and looked at her sister. “My, look at you. Don’t you look sophisticated in heels and a nice dress. I love your hair! California has changed you, or has being a doctor made this transformation?”
“Me?” Paige quickly steered the conversation in another direction. “Look at you! How much weight have you lost?” Both sisters had a tendency to gain weight. They had that in common.
“About thirty pounds.” Staci swung around in her summer dress and did a bow. “I feel great. I have a fabulous job and great friends and I feel good about myself for the first time in my life.”
“It shows.” Staci had a job at a hotel in Austin. She’d started working at a hotel in Temple right out of high school and was soon offered a better job with more benefits in Austin. She was in charge of parties and banquets and she loved it.
Nothing else was said as they made their way to Staci’s car and it gave Paige a chance to regroup and calm her shaky nerves. She’d talked to her sister many times over the years, but she never shared her deep dark secrets with anyone, not even her sister. The embarrassment and shame she couldn’t share. It went deep into her soul where no one was allowed. She’d been a private person all her life and the only one she’d let get close was...
“Have you heard from Luke?” Paige asked to change her train of thought.
“Yes. He’ll be at the funeral tomorrow. He’s stationed at Fort Polk and he’ll be leaving at the end of the month for another deployment.”
“I know. We spoke last week.” They reached the car and Paige put her suitcase in the backseat and got in the vehicle. “I’m so proud of him and what he’s accomplished with his career in the army.”
Staci backed out of the parking spot and headed for the exit sign. “I’m proud of all of us. After a traumatic childhood, we turned out pretty good.”
Paige smoothed the fabric of her dress and then watched as the parking terminal flashed by. “Do you think any of us will ever be happy, though?”
“I’m happy,” Staci insisted. “I meet so many wonderful people and they’re kind and gracious and treat me with respect. That’s all a person needs.”
“And love,” Paige murmured under her breath.
“Well—” Staci turned out of the terminal “—we’re kind of gun-shy in that department, but you know what love is. And one time you were madly in love with—”
“Don’t say his name.” Paige stopped her with panic in her voice.
Staci gave her a sharp glance as she negotiated the traffic. “Why not? It was a long time ago and you’ve both moved on. He has a little boy now. I haven’t been back to Horseshoe all that much, so I don’t know the details about his marriage.”
He’d married someone else. He had a child. While she...