“No.”
“You’re not carrying a torch for someone?”
“Do you mean Richard? Are you asking if I still have feelings for him?”
“From what I’ve gathered, he was popular, well liked in college. There had to be some reason you fell in love with him.”
“I fell in love with his boyish charm and his easy smile and his optimism. Unfortunately, once we were married, I realized that wasn’t enough. I wanted someone with a little more depth of character and grew disenchanted before he ever left. I’m not holding a torch for him.”
“And there’s no one else? I won’t be stepping on any toes in the next few months or messing up a relationship that’s important to you?”
“I’m not in love, and I don’t see myself getting involved with anyone in the foreseeable future.”
“Because of what your ex did?”
“Isn’t that reason enough?” To her complete surprise, Macy finished the last of the food on her plate and sat back, feeling better than she had in weeks, despite Thad’s probing.
“You don’t seem like the type to judge all men by Richard’s actions.”
“I’m not. I just have my hands full right now. I mean, where would I meet someone? In the oncology department at the hospital? All of Haley’s doctors are married, or they’re a good twenty or thirty years older than me, and they’re the only ones I really talk to.”
“You could meet someone on campus. Wouldn’t your life be easier if you had a partner to come home to?”
She finished the last of her juice. “Not if I was pregnant with your child. That kind of thing could get a bit awkward, don’t you think? Especially if you plan on breaking into my house on a regular basis. What would I tell my boyfriend? ‘Oh, don’t mind him. He just stopped by to make sure I’m eating the recommended daily allowance.’”
Macy glanced at the clock over the stove. “I’ve got to get in the shower,” she said. “I know we haven’t covered everything, but we’ll have to talk later. I have lab today, and I want to stop by the hospital. If you’ll just pile the dishes in the sink, I’ll do them when I get home as my contribution to this little party. Then I’ll call you.”
“Wait.” Thad caught her by the wrist. “I’m actually going somewhere with all this.” He let her go, looking distinctly uncomfortable as he glanced out the window, then back up at her face. “I want to give you the money, up front, for Haley…”
“That’s the only way I’ll go through with the insemination,” she said, still holding her plate.
“I know, but it’s foolish of me to take that risk. The money is my only security. What if…” He ran a hand through his hair. “Well, let’s just say there are a lot of things that could go wrong.”
“You don’t think I’ll come through if Haley dies,” she said, unable to hide her pain. That he thought Haley might die made it all the more possible, for some reason. He was just one more person who had no faith, while she was counting on a miracle.
“There are other things that could go wrong, too.” His voice was gentle, and so was the look in his eyes, but his words scared Macy. She had to have the money, and she had to have it soon.
“What if I give you my word?”
“In a perfect world, that would be good enough, but I’m afraid…”
“I know. We’re virtually strangers. Considering that, you’d be unwise to trust me. So—” she took a deep breath “—what do you suggest?”
“Another business arrangement, one that would give me a small degree of protection.”
Macy felt a moment’s trepidation, but she had to ask. “What is it this time?”
“I want you to marry me.”
THAD WATCHED several emotions flicker across Macy’s face, surprise, incredulity, anger, but before she could settle on one and reject him, he added, “There would be a lot of benefits to the arrangement, for both of us. Before you say anything, just hear me out.”
“No.”
“No, you won’t hear me out? Or, no, you won’t marry me?”
“No, period. Our ‘arrangements’ have gone far enough. Don’t you understand that what you want, what we’re doing, makes a mockery of everything I believe in? You’ve reduced love, marriage and family to…to this. To nothing but emotionless agreements and practical considerations.”
Thad flinched. Love, marriage and family were just as sacred to him, maybe more so. That was why he was trying so hard to preserve a vestige of what he’d had with Valerie. But he couldn’t explain that to Macy, or anyone else, for that matter. It exposed a part of him that was wounded and raw with need, a result of the pain, betrayal and anger he felt at his wife’s death.
“Think of the baby,” he said, stepping back from the flame of those dark emotions. “If we marry, the baby will have my name. And since I will be its father, what could be more natural than that?”
She’d gone to the sink to rinse off her plate. When she spoke, her back was to him. “And how do I explain our relationship to Haley?”
“I’ve met Haley already. We simply tell her that we’ve fallen in love and are going to be married. Think about it, Macy. I’ve gone over every angle, and this is by far the best way for everyone involved. If we don’t marry, what will you tell your daughter about the pregnancy? That it was the water?”
Her shoulders slumped as though she was suddenly weary again, but after a moment, she stood straight and turned to face him. “And when you disappear from our lives and take her brother or sister with you, do I simply say that it’s nothing? Just one more man who doesn’t want us?”
A normal man would be crazy not to want Macy, Thad thought. She was bright, ambitious, determined, full of passion. And he’d never seen a more beautiful woman. For the first time since his wife’s death, he’d actually felt the stirrings of desire when he saw her this morning, braless and without makeup, her hair mussed from sleep. It was probably just his body’s way of reminding him how long it had been since he’d held a woman in his arms. But he had felt…something.
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” he said, not wanting to address the issue of divorce right now, when Macy was gazing at him with those incredible eyes. “A lot has to go right before we get that far.”
She glanced at the clock again, as though she wished she could turn back the hands, then pinched the bridge of her nose. “So we’d be married, but we wouldn’t live together. Is that what you’re suggesting? A marriage in name only?”
Thad cleared his throat, certain that Macy wasn’t going to like this next part any more than she’d liked the first part. “Actually, I was thinking we would live together here, at your place. Just as roommates.”
“But why? What purpose could there possibly be in—Oh, I get it.” Her eyes narrowed. “We’re back to protecting your investment by controlling my life.”
Thad pushed his plate away and stood up. “I know this whole thing sounds terrible, Macy. I wouldn’t do it if—” if I wasn’t so damn desperate “—if I thought there was another way. But I’m not trying to control you. I just thought you could use someone to look after the house and yard a bit, make you a hot dinner on occasion, drive you to the doctor. You wouldn’t have to move or change anything. Does that sound too much like torture?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “What I’m going through now is torture. I can’t imagine it getting any worse.”