Eli had never thought of herself as a coward, but right now, she wanted nothing more than to call and cancel her date with Arthur.
Instead, she called Tucker, hoping her friend would tell her to suck it up and just get on with it. That was Tucker’s normal attitude. Face whatever scared you. And yet ever since she’d told Tucker she was pregnant, her friend had continually surprised her. Instead of giving her a kick in the butt, she assured Eli that avoiding Arthur wasn’t cowardly at all, that it would give Eli time to get her feet back on solid ground.
Eli had used similar phrases to girls entering the program. She’d meant them to be as comforting as she was sure Tucker intended hers to be, but until now Eli’d never realized how hollow they sounded.
She knew her feet weren’t going to be on solid ground or anywhere other than limbo until she talked to Arthur and her parents. She wasn’t sure how long it was going to take her to adjust to the turn her life had taken, and she couldn’t wait any longer. She was pregnant and Arthur deserved to know he was going to be a father.
She clutched the bags with the Chinese takeout as she got out of the car. She’d decided a private dinner was better than a public one for this news.
She stood outside his Brent Hollow condo. The development was for people over fifty. No one younger than that could buy a home here. And no children were permitted.
She was going to have to give up her MINI Cooper and buy a more sensible car and she hated the thought, but she was pretty sure Arthur was going to hate giving up his condo more.
She rang the doorbell and part of her wanted to bolt before he came to the door, but she held her ground.
Arthur opened the door. “Hi, honey.” He kissed her cheek lightly.
He’d given her a key two years into the relationship. She’d felt it necessary to reciprocate. Neither of them used the keys often, though. They were still on doorbell-ringing status.
“Come in.” He took one of the bags. “How’s the pilot program going?”
He led her into the living room and set the bag on the table. They’d shared many meals here, sitting on the floor, in front of a fire during the colder months. He already had the wine open, two glasses waiting.
She sat down across from him, the familiar scene feeling comfortable. “Eli?”
She realized he’d asked about CATA.
“It’s going well. Zac’s agreed to my suggestion for our first student.”
Arthur nodded absently. He didn’t ask anything else about the program.
“So how was your week?” she asked, stalling, needing to catch her breath and find a way to gently break the news to him.
Arthur poured their wine, and Eli took up the glass and raised it to her lips, before it occurred to her that she couldn’t drink it. She set the glass down and tried to gather her wits as she listened to Arthur go on about the students in his class as he dished up his dinner.
He didn’t seem to notice she didn’t follow suit.
“Arthur—” She got as far as his name and couldn’t think of a way to finish the sentence.
I’m knocked up.
Knock, knock, guess who’s knocked up?
What are your plans six or seven months from now?
You know the tour of Europe we’ve been talking about? What about a tour of local hospital maternity wards instead?
Arthur, I love you and we’re going to have a baby.
Hey, Arthur, I’m pregnant. And do you know what irony is? I teach girls who experience unplanned pregnancies, and here I am. I wonder if I can write it off as educational expenses?
“Elinore, are you listening to me?”
She gritted her teeth at the use of her given name. Elinore was a name for someone older, more mature than she was. She was going to have a baby, for goodness sakes, she couldn’t be an Elinore yet.
She’d always hated it when he called her that, but today it grated more than it usually did.
“Eli,” she snapped.
His fork full of General Tso’s chicken froze midway between the plate and his mouth. “What is wrong?”
“I could give you a list, a long, long list of things, but topping it would be the fact I’m pregnant.”
Arthur dropped the fork, and the bright red sauce splashed onto his shirt, but he didn’t make a move to clean it off. He didn’t say a word, but the wave of paleness that moved from the top of his head downward said it all.
Great. Just great. That was slick. What a gentle breaking of unexpected news.
Eli didn’t say anything for a few minutes, letting him adjust to the shock.
When a bit of color seemed to seep back into his face, she said, “I know we didn’t plan this. It’s unexpected. When the doctor told me I didn’t believe him. I thought I was entering menopause. I went to the pharmacy and bought one of each brand of pregnancy test there was and the results were all the same. I’m pregnant.”
She waited for him to smile at her reaction.
Still nothing.
“I go for a second visit on Monday to have a sonogram, but the doctor thinks I’m either entering, or barely into my second trimester.”
“Is it mine?”
Of all the responses she’d imagined, this hadn’t even made the list of possibilities. “Is it yours?”
He nodded.
“Of course it’s yours. I didn’t cheat on you.”
“I wish you would have.” Arthur gave his head a small shake. “I can’t have a baby. We can’t have a…We talked about this up front. I’m almost ready to retire, and you have a busy and satisfying career. We have plans. I want to write my book, we’re going to travel. We can’t have this…”
“Baby, Arthur. It’s a baby. Our baby. I know we didn’t plan it, but it’s here, a reality we’re going to have to cope with. It means adjusting some of our plans, but we can make it work.”
He frowned. “Don’t you see? I don’t want to make it work. And there’s nothing to say we have to. That you have to go through with the pregnancy.”
Her hand immediately moved to her stomach, as if to protect their baby from the harshness of his suggestion. “Arthur, that’s not an option.”
“It is. I’d go with you, support you through the whole thing.”
“I know it’s a surprise, and I wouldn’t condemn someone for making that kind of decision, but it’s not for me. I couldn’t terminate this pregnancy.”
“And I can’t be a father.”
“Oh.” Eli didn’t know what to say to that. She’d expected him to be as taken aback at the news as she was, but she’d also expected him to hug her, to say he’d be there for her, that everything would be all right.
She hadn’t realized how much she’d been counting on that.
“Arthur, we’ll talk to someone and find a way to work this out.”
He shook his head and his shaggy brown hair tumbled over his eyes. Normally, she’d reach over and push it back into place, but tonight she simply gripped her hands on her lap. “What do you suggest then?”
“If you go through with this, I can’t be a part of it. I want nothing to do with the baby. Nothing.”
There