Finally knowing beyond any doubt just how Marie Antoinette had felt as she marched toward the chopping block, Eli opened the bathroom door, then one by one picked up the wands.
Pregnant.
Pregnant.
Pregnant.
Pregnant.
Pregnant.
Her hands trembled as she picked up the last one. One little stick of hope, which was the only branch she had left to hang on to.
Pregnant.
Shit.
Eli wasn’t sure how long she sat on the bathroom floor staring at that last stick. It was long enough for the realization to begin to penetrate, long enough that the ramifications of that stick, along with the other five, hit home.
She was pregnant.
Her feet were numb and tingling. One of the changes she’d noticed since hitting her forties was that she could only kneel for so long before all the blood stopped pumping into her legs.
She was well beyond her blood pumping limit.
And she was pregnant.
She wasn’t sure what to do. Who to turn to.
She wanted to cry, but had preached to her girls that news of a baby should never be greeted with tears. She’d had so many young moms in her office, crying their eyes out. She understood their feelings, but it struck her as a very sad way to welcome a child into existence, so she wasn’t going to cry.
But if she wasn’t going to cry, that left her nothing to do with the huge lump that was sitting squarely in the center of her throat.
What to do?
Call Tucker.
She made her wobbly feet walk into the living room and dialed her friend’s number. “Could you come over? I need you.” She’d known that would be all it took.
Tucker didn’t ask any questions, didn’t hesitate. “On my way,” she replied. That was like her friend. Tucker never expected anything from anyone, but gave unhesitantly to everyone.
Angelina Tucker was Eli’s inspiration for starting the teen parenting program. Sixteen years ago, Tucker had been a senior and Eli had been a teacher in the home-ec department for five years. That’s what they’d called it then. Now, it was family and consumer sciences.
When Tucker had found out she was pregnant, she’d come to Eli for help, and Eli had discovered how very few options and avenues there were for the young girl. She’d fought for Tucker and had become her advocate. The following year she began to put together a program for the entire district.
Tucker had come into her first classes and talked about her experiences as a teen mother. Eli had used her as a peer role model for her girls.
As they worked together, something shifted, and Tucker had become a friend. A good friend. Eventually, a best friend.
Eli was even little Bart’s godmother.
Okay, Bart wasn’t all that little anymore. But Tucker was just the same, hard on the outside, a pushover on the inside.
Tucker would know what to do.
Eli went to the living room and just sat on the couch and waited. When Tucker came, everything would be fine. She clung to that thought.
Tucker didn’t knock, but burst into the house fifteen minutes later. There was no prelude, no opening line. She just asked, “What happened?” Concerned lines were etched on her face and she ran her fingers through her short, curly brown hair, which made it look more wild than it usually did.
“I’m pregnant.”
Eli had never seen anything stop Tucker in her tracks, but this did.
Tucker plopped down next to Eli on the couch and was quiet a moment.
Then, as if some reserve energy source engaged, she turned to Eli and smiled. “Okay. If anyone can deal with this, it’s you. You know all your options. You’ve got your education, a good job, a nice house…good friends.” There was a firm certainty in Tucker’s voice that worked as a balm on some of the raging emotions that roiled through Eli.
“Oh, and you’ve got Arthur,” Tucker added as an afterthought.
“Yeah.” Eli realized that when the news had finally sank in her first thought was to call her friend, not Arthur. She didn’t want to analyze what that meant. There were too many other things she needed to concentrate on. “I’m a few months along. I thought it was menopause.”
Tucker smiled. “Surprise.”
Despite her worries, Eli managed a weak smile of her own. “Yeah.”
“I remember when I found out about Bart, I was sort of stunned. I went and talked to this very wise teacher and she asked, ‘What are you feeling’? She made me dig through all that junk and really pick the emotions apart. So, I’ll ask you, what are you feeling?”
Eli tried to sort through the swirling vortex of feelings that were overwhelming her. She grabbed at one. “Terrified. I mean, I’m forty-four. Once upon a time I wanted kids, but I never met the right man, it was never the right time. Years ago I decided that it wasn’t meant to be. I have hundreds of kids as in my students. That’s enough. I’ve organized my life in a childless sort of way. I can’t have a baby.”
“Well, then…” Tucker let the words hang there.
Eli shook her head, surprised at the fierceness of her reaction to Tucker’s unspoken suggestion. “No. That’s not an option for me. I mean, I just can’t.”
“Fine, then that’s progress. You’ve made a major decision…you’re having this baby. And you’re terrified, you didn’t expect to have a child. What else are you feeling?”
Eli waded through the mishmash of her emotions. “Foolish. I mean, I work with pregnant mothers for a living, and I didn’t realize I was pregnant? That’s sad. But in my defense, we used protection every time, and I’m old. Practically ready for menopause.”
“Terrified. Foolish. Old. What else?” Tuck pressed.
“Apprehensive. I have to tell my parents before they leave for their winter in Florida…and Arthur, of course.”
“I remember how much fun telling my dad was. But lucky for me, I had this great teacher go with me. Lucky for you, you have a friend who’s here if you need backup with your parents.”
Eli noticed that Tucker didn’t offer to come tell Arthur with her. She laughed. “What about when I tell Arthur?”
“I’d just antagonize him by—oh, I don’t know—breathing or something.”
“And he’d reciprocate. It’s fine. I’ll take that one on my own.” The fact that her boyfriend and her best friend didn’t get along made things difficult. Eli had learned to compartmentalize her life. Tucker and the rest of her friends, her school life, on one side, and Arthur on the other.
“What else?” Tucker asked.
Eli pulled her thoughts from Arthur and went back to the question at hand. What else was she feeling? She searched, and finally caught on a weak, almost whisper of a feeling. “Under all of that, there’s a bit of excitement. I mean, I never thought it would happen, that I’d have a baby. Truth of the matter is, I’m going to be a mother. Sure there’s a lot to figure out, and it’s not convenient, but then it was that way with Bart and look at how tight the two of you are.”
She stopped a second and added, “I’ve never asked before, but do you regret it? I mean, I know you love him, but do you ever regret everything you had to go through?”
“There are parts that I wouldn’t want to relive, but he’s such an amazing kid, I can’t imagine