“Are you still on them?” Jo asked matter-of-factly.
Susie blushed. “I haven’t had any reason to be. I took a break.”
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have, if they were helping. Let’s call your doctor and get you checked out.”
Susie felt too lousy to argue. “Fine. I’ll call and make an appointment.”
“It’ll take weeks to get in, unless you tell him it’s an emergency. Where’s your address book? Do you have the number in there? I’ll call.”
“Mom, it’s not an emergency. By tomorrow I’ll be perfectly fine.”
“I’ll feel better if a medical professional tells me that.”
Susie regarded her mother curiously. “Why are you so worked up about this?”
Jo sat down on the edge of the bed, her expression drawn. “I’ve never really felt any need to get into this with you, but it’s obviously time I did.”
Susie regarded her with concern. She sounded so somber. “Get into what?”
“After I had Luke, I had to have a hysterectomy. For years I’d had symptoms very much like yours. After Matthew the doctor suggested I have one, but I refused. Your father and I wanted more children, and the symptoms weren’t that bad. I looked at the research on hyperplasia—that’s what I had, some abnormal cells in my uterus—and was convinced I could afford to wait. But when Luke was born, it was worse. They couldn’t stop the bleeding. They found the abnormal cells had spread. There was no longer any choice.”
Susie stared at her mother in shock. “You had cancer?”
“I suppose you’d call it precancer. The abnormal cells hadn’t spread beyond the uterus, and with that gone, along with my ovaries, the prognosis was good. I didn’t even need chemotherapy or radiation. You were much too young to be aware that any of this was going on. Since then, I’ve never really seen the need to talk about it, but I don’t like what’s going on with you right now. I think you need to get checked out. Will you do this for me?”
Susie nodded at once. “Of course, but you’re worrying for no reason. I promise.”
Her mother squeezed her hand. “I’m counting on that.”
She made the call to the doctor’s office, waited while Susie dressed, then insisted on driving her to his office.
Alone in the examining room, Susie sat on the cold, hard table and told herself that she was here only to put her mom’s fears to rest. There was no reason to panic. She’d been dealing with the same symptoms for years, and they hadn’t meant anything. They were more of a nuisance than anything else.
When Dr. Kinnear came in, he gave her a warm smile. “Under the circumstances, I’m glad you came in.”
Susie managed a wan smile in return. “I had no idea until today that there was any family history to be concerned about.”
“I’m glad your mother finally filled you in. Better to be safe than sorry,” he said. “Now let’s do a quick examination and see where we are.”
Gynecological exams had never been at the top of Susie’s list of favorite things, but this one proved more uncomfortable than most. At one point she nearly yelped out loud in pain.
Dr. Kinnear glanced at her. “Tender there?”
She nodded.
He patted her knee. “Okay, then. That’s it for now, but I’d like to have you go in for another test.”
Susie regarded him with alarm. “You found something?”
“Maybe,” he hedged. “I can’t say with certainty without more tests. There’s no need to start worrying yet. An ultrasound will be more definitive.”
An ultrasound wouldn’t be so bad, Susie thought. “And then?”
“Perhaps a biopsy.”
She swallowed hard, trying to force the words past the sudden lumps in her throat. “What?” she asked eventually. “What do you think’s going on?”
“There could be a problem with one of your ovaries. More than likely it’s nothing more than a cyst, but we don’t like to fool around with this. We’ll want answers as quickly as possible.”
Susie read between the lines and guessed what he wasn’t saying. “It could be ovarian cancer?” she asked, stunned.
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, okay?” he soothed. “I’ll get you in for that ultrasound in the next day or two. My receptionist will make the appointment and call you.”
All Susie knew about ovarian cancer was that it could be deadly, because it was generally caught too late. This morning she’d thought she was simply having a particularly painful period, and now she could die? She couldn’t even begin to process it.
Again Dr. Kinnear gave her a reassuring look. “One step at a time, young lady. If you have questions at any time, call me. We’ll find the answers, and whatever the situation is, we’ll deal with it.”
She nodded. After he’d left the examining room, she sat there frozen.
A few minutes later, her mother stepped into the room. Susie met her gaze.
“He told you?”
Her mother nodded. “He told me there’s no cause for alarm yet. You are not to panic, okay? Neither one of us is going to panic.”
Susie nodded, then gave her mother a plaintive look. “Is it okay to be scared out of my wits?”
Her mother gathered her into her arms. “We can be scared together, but we are going to think positively, Susie. I mean it. No negative thoughts. People do beat ovarian cancer, and we’re not even sure yet that you have it. It could be nothing more than a cyst, okay?”
Susie blinked back tears. “Got it.” She hesitated. “Mom, can we keep this just between us for now? It’s not as if we know anything. I don’t think I could stand having Dad and everyone hovering.”
“If that’s what you want,” her mother agreed. “I do wish you’d consider telling your grandmother, thought.”
“Why Gram? It’ll only worry her.”
“But she’s the one with the direct link to God,” Jo said with a smile. “I think her prayers are exactly what you need right now.”
Susie smiled back. The whole family counted on Nell O’Brien to save them. The rest of them might be believers, they might be churchgoers, but it was Gram’s faith that was steadfast, no matter what the crisis.
“Let’s see what happens with the ultrasound,” Susie said. “If there’s a problem with that, then we’ll call in the big guns.”
Her mother met her gaze. “What about Mack?”
“What about him?”
“I think he’d want to know.”
Susie shook her head. “It’s not like that between us.”
“Remember how upset you were that he’d kept losing his job from you? How do you think he’ll feel if he finds out about this later?”
“I can’t tell him,” Susie said simply. “Not until I know more.”
Because if she needed to have surgery, if she couldn’t have children, it would change everything between them. And, of course, if she wasn’t one of those who beat the odds, they’d have absolutely no future at all.