*
‘Who wants to be the first tonight, for feelings?’ Jonas’s father asked, at the conclusion of their evening meal.
It was one of the rituals, the evening telling of feelings. Sometimes Jonas and his sister, Lily, argued over turns, over who would get to go first. Their parents, of course, were part of the ritual; they, too, told their feelings each evening. But like all parents – all adults – they didn’t fight and wheedle for their turn.
Nor did Jonas, tonight. His feelings were too complicated this evening. He wanted to share them, but he wasn’t eager to begin the process of sifting through his own complicated emotions, even with the help that he knew his parents could give.
‘You go, Lily,’ he said, seeing his sister, who was much younger – only a Seven – wiggling with impatience in her chair.
‘I felt very angry this afternoon,’ Lily announced. ‘My Childcare group was at the play area, and we had a visiting group of Sevens, and they didn’t obey the rules at all. One of them – a male; I don’t know his name – kept going right to the front of the line for the slide, even though the rest of us were all waiting. I felt so angry at him. I made my hand into a fist, like this.’ She held up a clenched fist and the rest of the family smiled at her small defiant gesture.
‘Why do you think the visitors didn’t obey the rules?’ Mother asked.
Lily considered, and shook her head. ‘I don’t know. They acted like … like …’
‘Animals?’ Jonas suggested. He laughed.
‘That’s right,’ Lily said, laughing too. ‘Like animals.’ Neither child knew what the word meant, exactly, but it was often used to describe someone uneducated or clumsy, someone who didn’t fit in.
‘Where were the visitors from?’ Father asked.
Lily frowned, trying to remember. ‘Our leader told us, when he made the welcome speech, but I can’t remember. I guess I wasn’t paying attention. It was from another community. They had to leave very early, and they had their midday meal on the bus.’
Mother nodded. ‘Do you think it’s possible that their rules may be different? And so they simply didn’t know what your play area rules were?’
Lily shrugged, and nodded. ‘I suppose.’
‘You’ve visited other communities, haven’t you?’ Jonas asked. ‘My group has, often.’
Lily nodded again. ‘When we were Sixes, we went and shared a whole school day with a group of Sixes in their community.’
‘How did you feel when you were there?’
Lily frowned. ‘I felt strange. Because their methods were different. They were learning usages that my group hadn’t learned yet, so we felt stupid.’
Father was listening with interest. ‘I’m thinking, Lily,’ he said, ‘about the boy who didn’t obey the rules today. Do you think it’s possible that he felt strange and stupid, being in a new place with rules that he didn’t know about?’
Lily pondered that. ‘Yes,’ she said, finally.
‘I feel a little sorry for him,’ Jonas said, ‘even though I don’t even know him. I feel sorry for anyone who is in a place where he feels strange and stupid.’
‘How do you feel now, Lily?’ Father asked. ‘Still angry?’
‘I guess not,’ Lily decided. ‘I guess I feel a little sorry for him. And sorry I made a fist.’ She grinned.
Jonas smiled back at his sister. Lily’s feelings were always straightforward, fairly simple, usually easy to resolve. He guessed that his own had been, too, when he was a Seven.
He listened politely, though not very attentively, while his father took his turn, describing a feeling of worry that he’d had that day at work: a concern about one of the newchildren who wasn’t doing well. Jonas’s father’s title was Nurturer. He and the other Nurturers were responsible for all the physical and emotional needs of every newchild during its earliest life. It was a very important job, Jonas knew, but it wasn’t one that interested him much.
‘What gender is it?’ Lily asked.
‘Male,’ Father said. ‘He’s a sweet little male with a lovely disposition. But he isn’t growing as fast as he should, and he doesn’t sleep soundly. We have him in the extra care section for supplementary nurturing, but the committee’s beginning to talk about releasing him.’
‘Oh, no,’ Mother murmured sympathetically. ‘I know how sad that must make you feel.’
Jonas and Lily both nodded sympathetically as well. Release of newchildren was always sad, because they hadn’t had a chance to enjoy life within the community yet. And they hadn’t done anything wrong.
There were only two occasions of release which were not punishment. Release of the elderly, which was a time of celebration for a life well and fully lived; and release of a newchild, which always brought a sense of what-could-we-have-done. This was especially troubling for the Nurturers, like Father, who felt they had failed somehow. But it happened very rarely.
‘Well,’ Father said, ‘I’m going to keep trying. I may ask the committee for permission to bring him here at night, if you don’t mind. You know what the night-crew Nurturers are like. I think this little guy needs something extra.’
‘Of course,’ Mother said, and Jonas and Lily nodded. They had heard Father complain about the night crew before. It was a lesser job, night-crew nurturing, assigned to those who lacked the interest or skills or insight for the more vital jobs of the daytime hours. Most of the people on the night crew had not even been given spouses because they lacked, somehow, the essential capacity to connect to others, which was required for the creation of a family unit.
‘Maybe we could even keep him,’ Lily suggested sweetly, trying to look innocent. The look was fake, Jonas knew; they all knew.
‘Lily,’ Mother reminded her, smiling, ‘you know the rules.’
Two children – one male, one female – to each family unit. It was written very clearly in the rules.
Lily giggled. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘I thought maybe just this once.’
*
Next, Mother, who held a prominent position at the Department of Justice, talked about her feelings. Today a repeat offender had been brought before her, someone who had broken the rules before. Someone who she hoped had been adequately and fairly punished, and who had been restored to his place: to his job, his home, his family unit. To see him brought before her a second time caused her overwhelming feelings of frustration and anger. And even guilt, that she hadn’t made a difference in his life.
‘I feel frightened, too, for him,’ she confessed. ‘You know that there’s no third chance. The rules say that if there’s a third transgression, he simply has to be released.’
Jonas shivered. He knew it happened. There was even a boy in his group of Elevens whose father had been released years before. No one ever mentioned it; the disgrace was unspeakable. It was hard to imagine.
Lily stood up and went to her mother. She stroked her mother’s arm.
From his place at the table, Father reached over and took her hand. Jonas reached for the other.
One by one, they comforted her. Soon she smiled, thanked them, and murmured that she felt soothed.
The ritual continued. ‘Jonas?’ Father asked. ‘You’re last, tonight.’
Jonas sighed. This evening he almost would have preferred to keep his feelings hidden. But it was, of course, against the rules.
‘I’m feeling apprehensive,’ he confessed, glad that the appropriate