“So smooth, Lils,” she said. “God!”
“It’s fine. Hey, c’mon, she’s got a point.” I was actually starting to enjoy the fact that I could be open about it. It wasn’t always that easy. “We got to know each other from the inside out. That’s the only reason it worked.”
“Oh, that’s beautiful,” Lilly crooned, and this time we both chucked pillows at her.
It was good to laugh about it. To acknowledge it, and move past it. And it gave me a fresh boost of confidence, however false the basis for it might have been. It was like saying: Yeah, so I’m not thin, or pretty; but you know what, you should still maybe give me a chance, because if I can hook up with someone like Jase then I must be kind of OK on the inside. I must have something going for me. Right?
And I started to feel genuinely relaxed, verging on comfortable, approaching content, for the first time in weeks. And that was when the door burst open for the third time and the tall, flame-haired porcelain-skinned girl from the photo strode into the room.
The dorm fell completely silent. The girl crossed straight over to the fourth bed and slipped the photo of herself and the impossibly gorgeous boy out of its frame, before slowly ripping it in two. The rest of us winced in unison.
Scarlett, I presumed, then calmly slotted the half of the photo featuring herself back into its frame and propped it up again, before crumpling the other half in her hand and flicking it across the room, where it landed perfectly in the bin with a gentle rustle.
“There, that’s better,” she said with an Irish lilt to die for. She looked around the room and seemed to notice us for the first time. “Hey, guys,” she sang, softly. “So this must be Abigail.” She flashed me a bright smile. “Welcome to the madhouse.”
Lilly was quick to jump in and tell Scarlett all about me, which was great as it let me off the hook from having to go over everything again. Until she got to the part about Jase – when Scarlett’s face dropped. This time Rae didn’t have to warn her; Lilly backed down, but the damage had already been done.
“Can we not talk about boyfriends just now?” Scarlett asked, with a sigh. “In fact, can we not talk about boys in general?”
“Rough summer?” Rae asked, casting a glance over at the bin.
“You could say that.” Scarlett’s eyes seemed to glaze over for a second.
About Scarlett. She’s… There was Tyler again, about to tell me something, before backing away at the last minute. She’s what?
“It’s good to be back,” Scarlett said. “I’ve missed you lot. But why are you hiding up here still? Strickland’s ordered in a truckload of Domino’s, and since I don’t have to worry about Riley any more, I’m going to head down and comfort-eat myself witless.”
Lilly was up like a shot. A fresh wave of anxiety twisted my stomach. The dorm had slowly cocooned itself around me, already starting to feel familiar, safe. Now I had to leave it and not only meet everyone, but also, apparently, eat in front of them. A double whammy. I sat on the bed while the others got up to go, my fingers finding the bracelet. Rae caught my eye and threw me a curious look, before telling the other two that we’d follow them in a sec. Did she get it? I wondered. Did she know what it felt like?
“You don’t need to stay,” I told her, when the door had closed behind them and the silence had settled. “I’m fine. Just a bit…you know.” I shrugged.
“He always goes mad with the order; there’ll be enough pizza down there to last the week.” She perched down on the bed beside me. “Look, Lilly can be a lot to take in at first, I know, but she’s got a heart of gold and she means well.”
“Yeah, it’s OK, really. I know she didn’t mean it. It just kind of…”
“Threw you a bit?”
I nodded. “Yep. Daft, isn’t it?”
“Not really. Meeting us lot for the first time, I’d probably be thrown too. Scar’s a pretty big personality. She’s been here since Year Seven and she’s a prefect, a mentor and a student counsellor. She knows everyone, I mean, really knows them, you know? Especially the boarders. She’s kind of been there through all our various meltdowns and catastrophes. I don’t think there’s any of us she hasn’t picked up and put back together at some point. The secrets that girl keeps! Seriously. She’s amazing.”
“So I’m not the only one who falls apart then?” I asked with a sad smile.
“God no, we’re all at it. Scarlett’s like our very own Jeremy Kyle, but totally nice about it. She’s like a full-on celebrity around the school. The younger girls all look up to her, and the teachers love her because she’s some kind of genius. She single-handedly ups the school’s results average by roughly three million per cent I think. Plus the boys are all bewitched, obviously. You’ll really like her – everyone does.”
I smiled. “Everyone’s been so nice. It’s not normally like this. Not for me.”
She looked surprised. “Because of the military thing?”
“Kind of. Military, migratory, it all sort of…I don’t know…messes things up in its own special way.”
“Want to talk about it? Or does that just make it worse?”
I smiled. People didn’t usually ask me about it. They usually just sort of formed their own opinions and kept their distance. Rae was different. This whole place, it seemed, was different.
“When your parents are in the army, you get really used to being the new girl. It’s not just that you’re always on the move, that bit people understand, but there’s sort of more to it that they don’t always see. It’s like – you’re always just that little bit different – kind of not quite the right fit.”
“Ha,” she chuckled. “Newsflash – none of us are the right fit. Not really. It’s just that some people are better at pretending. Am I right?”
I nodded. She got it.
“I think it’s because my mind doesn’t stick on all the things it’s supposed to. Boys, and clothes, and all that stuff,” I explained. “My focus tends to be a bit different. And, you know, different’s kind of never good. Social suicide, and all that.”
“Yeah, there’s that. But then,” Rae reasoned, “if people know… I mean, if you give them a chance to see why…”
“See, but that’s the thing though. If I explain that the reason I’m sort of not really the life and soul of the party is because there’s always this thought in the back of my head that maybe one of my parents – both, now, in fact – are getting shot at, it’s sort of an automatic downer. Which tends to just make it worse.”
She thought for a moment before replying. I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation. It was like I was talking to Beth, rather than someone I’d just met.
“So you can’t win.” She nodded. “But, you’re here now, so you won’t have to worry so much, right? No more…migratorying, at least. I reckon everything else will probably just…you know…fall into place.”
“Right.” I grinned. “Maybe. I mean, since I’m all done with the migratorying…”
She laughed. “So, anyway – more importantly – do you like pizza?”
“Is the Pope Catholic?”
She shrugged. “Couldn’t tell you. I never pay any attention in RS. Meat and cheese though,