That settled it. Any time a lit-up cue ball talks to me, I refer the matter to higher authority. I decided on the spot that I was heading for the precinct house, no matter what the Leopards thought.
But when I turned and headed for the stairs, I couldn’t move. My feet simply would not lift off the ground. I twisted, and stumbled, and fell in a heap; I yelled for help, but it didn’t do any good. The Leopards couldn’t move either.
We were stuck there in Gomez’s cellar, as though we had been nailed to the filthy floor.
Cow
When I see what this flunky has done to them Leopards, I call him a cool cat right away. But then we jump him and he ain’t so cool. Angel and Tiny grab him under the arms and I’m grabbing the stuff he’s carrying. Yeah, we get out of there.
There’s bulls on the street, so we cut through the back and over the fences. Tiny don’t like that. He tells me, “Cow. What’s to leave this cat here? He must weigh eighteen tons.” “You’re bringing him,” I tell him, so he shuts up. That’s how it is in the Boomer Dukes. When Cow talks, them other flunkies shut up fast.
We get him in the loft over the R. and I. Social Club. Damn, but it’s cold up there. I can hear the pool balls clicking down below so I pass the word to keep quiet. Then I give this guy the foot and pretty soon he wakes up.
As soon as I talk to him a little bit I figure we had luck riding with us when we see them Leopards. This cat’s got real bad stuff. Yeah, I never hear of anything like it. But what it takes to make a fight he’s got. I take my old pistol and give it to Tiny. Hell, it makes him happy and what’s it cost me? Because what this cat’s got makes that pistol look like something for babies.
*First he don’t want to talk. “Stomp him,” I tell Angel, but he’s scared. He says, “Nay. This is a real weird cat, Cow. I’m for cutting out of here.”
“Stomp him,” I tell him again, pretty quiet, but he does it. He don’t have to tell me this cat’s weird, but when the cat gets the foot a couple of times he’s willing to talk. Yeah, he talks real funny, but that don’t matter to me. We take all the loot out of his bag, and I make this cat tell me what it’s to do. Damn, I don’t know what he’s talking about one time out of six, but I know enough. Even Tiny catches on after a while, because I see him put down that funky old pistol I gave him that he’s been loving up.
I’m feeling pretty good. I wish a couple of them chicken Leopards would turn up so I could show them what they missed out on. Yeah, I’ll take on them, and the Black Dogs, and all the cops in the world all at once—that’s how good I’m feeling. I feel so good that I don’t even like it when Angel lets out a yell and comes up with a wad of loot. It’s like I want to prime the U.S. Mint for chickenfeed, I don’t want it to come so easy.
But money’s on hand, so I take it off Angel and count it. This cat was really loaded; there must be a thousand dollars here.
I take a handful of it and hand it over to Angel real cool. “Get us some charge,” I tell him. “There’s much to do and I’m feeling ready for some charge to do it with.”
“How many sticks you want me to get?” he asks, holding on to that money like he never saw any before.
I tell him: “Sticks? Nay. I’m for real stuff tonight. You find Four-Eye and get us some horse.” Yeah, he digs me then. He looks like he’s pretty scared and I know he is, because this punk hasn’t had anything bigger than reefers in his life. But I’m for busting a couple of caps of H, and what I do he’s going to do. He takes off to find Four-Eye and the rest of us get busy on this cat with the funny artillery until he gets back.
*It’s like I’m a million miles down Dream Street. Hell, I don’t want to wake up.
But the H is wearing off and I’m feeling mean. Damn, I’ll stomp my mother if she talks big to me right then.
I’m the first one on my feet and I’m looking for trouble. The whole place is full now. Angel must have passed the word to everybody in the Dukes, but I don’t even remember them coming in. There’s eight or ten cats lying around on the floor now, not even moving. This won’t do, I decide.
If I’m on my feet, they’re all going to be on their feet. I start to give them the foot and they begin to move. Even the weirdie must’ve had some H. I’m guessing that somebody slipped him some to see what would happen, because he’s off on Cloud Number Nine. Yeah, they’re feeling real mean when they wake up, but I handle them cool. Even that little flunky Sailor starts to go up against me but I look at him cool and he chickens. Angel and Pete are real sick, with the shakes and the heaves, but I ain’t waiting for them to feel good. “Give me that loot,” I tell Tiny, and he hands over the stuff we took off the weirdie. I start to pass out the stuff.
“What’s to do with this stuff?” Tiny asks me, looking at what I’m giving him.
I tell him, “Point it and shoot it.” He isn’t listening when the weirdie’s telling me what the stuff is. He wants to know what it does, but I don’t know that. I just tell him, “Point it and shoot it, man.” I’ve sent one of the cats out for drinks and smokes and he’s back by then, and we’re all beginning to feel a little better, only still pretty mean. They begin to dig me.
“Yeah, it sounds like a rumble,” one of them says, after a while.
I give him the nod, cool. “You’re calling it,” I tell him. “There’s much fighting tonight. The Boomer Dukes is taking on the world!”
Sandy Van Pelt
The front office thought the radio car would give us a break in spot news coverage, and I guessed as wrong as they did. I had been covering City Hall long enough, and that’s no place to build a career—the Press Association is very tight there, there’s not much chance of getting any kind of exclusive story because of the sharing agreements. So I put in for the radio car. It meant taking the night shift, but I got it.
I suppose the front office got their money’s worth, because they played up every lousy auto smash the radio car covered as though it were the story of the Second Coming, and maybe it helped circulation. But I had been on it for four months and, wouldn’t you know it, there wasn’t a decent murder, or sewer explosion, or running gun fight between six P.M. and six A.M. any night I was on duty in those whole four months. What made it worse, the kid they gave me as photographer—Sol Detweiler, his name was—couldn’t drive worth a damn, so I was stuck with chauffeuring us around.
We had just been out to LaGuardia to see if it was true that Marilyn Monroe was sneaking into town with Aly Khan on a night plane—it wasn’t—and we were coming across the Triborough Bridge, heading south toward the East River Drive, when the office called. I pulled over and parked and answered the radiophone.
* It was Harrison, the night City Editor. “Listen, Sandy, there’s a gang fight in East Harlem. Where are you now?”
It didn’t sound like much to me, I admit. “There’s always a gang fight in East Harlem, Harrison. I’m cold and I’m on my way down to Night Court, where there may or may not be a story; but at least I can get my feet warm.”
“Where are you now?” Harrison wasn’t fooling. I looked at Sol, on the seat next to me; I thought I had heard him snicker. He began to fiddle with his camera without looking at me. I pushed the “talk” button and told Harrison where I was. It pleased him very much; I wasn’t more than six blocks from where this big rumble was going on, he told me, and he made it very clear that I was to get on over there immediately.
I pulled away from the curb, wondering why I had ever wanted to be a newspaperman; I could have made five times as much money for half as much work in an ad agency. To make it worse, I heard Sol chuckle again.